confuzed25 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 well i think we may have broken up this morning....we got into a big fight but neither one of us said "its over." It just ended with me walking out without saying anything. Heres the story: Last night he had a bonfire party and as soon as i show up, that girl is the first person i run into. I notice that her and her friends are eating....apparently they had been there for awhile and had had a cookout with my boyfriend. He never told me anything about having a cookout. So i go outside to find him and he smiles and says hi, but i dont get a kiss or hug or anything. The whole night he barely says 2 words to me...i was talking to some of his buddies' girlfriends and they even asked me what his deal was and why he was ignoring me. I kind of kept an eye on him to see how he acted around that other girl and i noticed that he was around her more than me, and at one point pulled up a chair next to her and sat down. After mostly everyone had left and there were like 4 people left i went in the house to go to bed. He came in about a half hour later, very intoxicated. He laid in bed with me and cuddled and rubbed me like maybe he wanted to have sex but he was so drunk that he passed out almost right away. Next thing i know his phone is ringing but hes dead to the world and doesnt hear it. With his phone if you dont answer, it will ring again every couple minutes to let you know that you missed a call or a text. So i got up to make it stop so i could go to sleep and when i opened up his phone i noticed in his inbox that it was full of text messages to and from her. Some were from when she was on her way over, saying that sorry but she was running late. Then i noticed one that he sent to her saying "what you said was really cute." And another from right after she left his party saying "i wish you could have stayed." And her response was "me too actually =) but we will get to hang out tomorrow." I was so furious i started to shake...i crawled into bed and laid there for a long time before i fell asleep. Halfway through the night he rolled over and put his arms around me...but then in the morning he didnt say good morning or give me a kiss or cuddle with me like he usually does. He was trying to make conversation with me but i was very short with him. Finally he said "you're really quiet today." I said "i just dont have anything to say to you." he said "oh yea? what did i do?" And it escalated into me telling him i was sick of him lying to me and sneaking around behind my back, and i had asked him if something was going on with him and her and he lied to me. He just kept saying that nothing is going on with her and that he didnt do anything wrong. He was getting really mad and saying that i wont even let him have friends and i said that i never said a word when he went out without me, and i never cared before if he hung out with her but lately hes been different and hes been hanging out with her alot more. He said "i never lied to you, i didnt do anything wrong. Ive told you everytime i hang out with her so its not like im trying to hide something" I asked him why he wanted her to stay the night last night and he said because it was stupid for her to drive home so far away after she had been drinking and he knew i was staying so why would he mean it any other way. I said something about them hanging out today and he said "yea she wanted to do something today, so what? am i not allowed to have friends? i was going to tell you i was hanging out with her today, you just didnt give me the chance." I told him that i wasnt going to be one of those stupid girls that ignore all the warning signs and pretend like everything is ok. He was very annoyed and angry with me but he never said anything about breaking up or that it wasnt working out or that he didnt have feelings for me anymore. I JUST DONT GET IT. He is making me rethink myself and now im starting to think that it was a bad idea to get so mad and be so mean to him. Maybe nothing was going on and im being paranoid. We have never ever had a fight or really disagreed on anything....after about 5 mins of silence he got up and went outside. I got up and started to get all my things together so i could leave and he was just coming in the door as i was leaving. He stopped and just looked at me, but i kept going out the door without even looking at him or saying a word. Now i have no idea where we stand...are we broken up? are we still together and hes just angry at me? Was i the one in the wrong? Or do i have good reason to be angry and upset with him? He hasnt tried to contact me or anything since i left and that was over an hour ago. I just dont know where to go from here or what is going to happen...
Author confuzed25 Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 i know that last post was pretty long but i could really use some opinions and/or advice pleaseee
endlesstrains Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Well, what is his background with this other girl? How long has he known her? It could be the case where she is an old friend from school or childhood and they just have a purely platonic friendship that is mutually important because of how long they've known each other. Some people have those with opposite sex friends and it's not really fair to want him to stop seeing her. On the other hand it seems equally likely that he is cheating on you/thinking about cheating on you with this girl... although in that case he would probably be more sneaky about it (maybe he's trying reverse psychology here?)
mistieyed Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 i know that last post was pretty long but i could really use some opinions and/or advice pleaseee stop playing the fool and be done. a friend is just that, a friend. his actions speak volumes about his feelings/thoughts about her whether he realizes it or not, he is interested in being with her. what i mean is, he may not realize that something has or is developing, just that he enjoys spending time with her. you really should cut the guy loose. it is too hard on you emotionally and you are starting to doubt yourself. women's intuition is almost never wrong. go with your gut, whatever that may be.
Author confuzed25 Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 they have been friends for a little while, he has definitely known her longer than me. Hes probly known her for no more than a year. Before they would be friends like just see each other out at the bar and talk for a few minutes or would leave comments on each other's myspace pages. He introduced me to her like a month and a half ago and she was really nice to me and i wasnt concerned about her at all. but april 27th she saw him out at the bar and i guess they hung out and later that night she came home and messaged him on myspace saying "i hope ur not offended, not that u would be. but i just think that you are really hott. shhh dont tell anyone i said that ha haa talk to ya later." he wrote back saying "why would that offend me coming from a gorgeous girl like you? we will have to meet up more often now that i have your number." i didnt really think anything of it because he didnt act any differently around me after that, he was still really into me. until 2 weeks ago when they started hanging out more. i just dont understand why he continues to deny it. its just a waste of my time, his time, and her time if they like each other but he is still with me. we laid there and had an awful fight about it and he still wouldnt come out and say i dont have feelings for you anymore, this isnt working out, i dont want to be with you, or anything like that. Also, i dont understand why he wasnt hiding her from me or hiding me from her.
Mary3 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 they have been friends for a little while, he has definitely known her longer than me. Hes probly known her for no more than a year. Before they would be friends like just see each other out at the bar and talk for a few minutes or would leave comments on each other's myspace pages. He introduced me to her like a month and a half ago and she was really nice to me and i wasnt concerned about her at all. but april 27th she saw him out at the bar and i guess they hung out and later that night she came home and messaged him on myspace saying "i hope ur not offended, not that u would be. but i just think that you are really hott. shhh dont tell anyone i said that ha haa talk to ya later." he wrote back saying "why would that offend me coming from a gorgeous girl like you? we will have to meet up more often now that i have your number." i didnt really think anything of it because he didnt act any differently around me after that, he was still really into me. until 2 weeks ago when they started hanging out more. i just dont understand why he continues to deny it. its just a waste of my time, his time, and her time if they like each other but he is still with me. we laid there and had an awful fight about it and he still wouldnt come out and say i dont have feelings for you anymore, this isnt working out, i dont want to be with you, or anything like that. Also, i dont understand why he wasnt hiding her from me or hiding me from her. She is going after your man. If you want to save a sinking ship you have to talk with him. No angry stuff. Just say can we talk . Say this : You know John I really love you. I was never concerned much about Judy until recently. If she is really just your friend then I will work on that. If you have stronger feelings for her or she is going after you , Please tell me now so I can move on with my life.
SpikeyChick Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 .. women's intuition is almost never wrong. go with your gut, whatever that may be. Don't rely on your intuition here - the EVIDENCE is screaming at you. The guy is cheating and you need to walk away from him. THis guy is playing you -it is that simple. I know that you WANT to believe differently BUT his actions tell the story. People who really care about you do NOT hurt you like this. THis guy is NOT a keeper. He is a male slvt. Leave NOW before you get crazier.
mistieyed Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Don't rely on your intuition here - the EVIDENCE is screaming at you. The guy is cheating and you need to walk away from him. THis guy is playing you -it is that simple. I know that you WANT to believe differently BUT his actions tell the story. People who really care about you do NOT hurt you like this. THis guy is NOT a keeper. He is a male slvt. Leave NOW before you get crazier. it seemed to me that her intuition was telling her he was cheating - that was the reason for my saying that.
SpikeyChick Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 it seemed to me that her intuition was telling her he was cheating - that was the reason for my saying that. Intuition is WEAK and overrated - I never trust mine except as a crude warning bell to signal to me that I need to get my BRAIN to investigate further and find out the FACTS.. How would you like it if a guy dumped you just because he "had a hunch " ?. Same thing in a man's world ..Man's Hunch = Woman's Intuition..
Author confuzed25 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 sooo what are the chances he will contact me soon?
Jilly Bean Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 sooo what are the chances he will contact me soon? You're joking, right? What ever is truly going on with this other girl is not really the point anymore. What matters is the fact that he continues to make her a priority over you. Learn to love yourself, and just move on from this.
Author confuzed25 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 no im not really joking.....we left it on such uncertain terms. neither one of us said it was over, we just fought and i left without saying goodbye or even acknowledging him.
blondie_xo Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Hun... I am so sorry that you have to go through this. The only thing that you CAN do is talk to him about how you feel. With communication, things can get misguided and I know that you're probably going crazy asking yourself the "what if he's...." questions. Stop! Just ask him straight out anything you have on your mind. you've been only dating for 2 months or so? If he's doing this already then picture it 5 months from now. Heck, even a month or two. Ive had bad experience with boyfriends hanging out with girls and texting. When I read the texts (which I knew it was none of my business- but hey- I'm a woman and curiosity got the best of me)... I was blown away. Of all the things I thought of my man at the time, I never once could imagine him to be a cheater. We were together for a year too. I'm not saying that he's cheating, I don't even know him. BUT- what you've said he does, how he hangs with her, texts, fixes her car, it does sound kind of suspicious. Lets not sugar coat the situation. Good luck.
Author confuzed25 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 i would like to talk to him and find out whats going on but i left on such bad terms. i b*tched him out and stomped out of his house, and hes really mad at me also. things have been on the rocks anyway between us because hes been spending so much time with her, and now having a big fight like this after only 2 months.....im 99% sure that things are ruined now. He has spent the whole day with that girl....which makes me sad because she is a really gorgeous, fun, outgoing, and popular girl. I know that he is enjoying himself so much and doesnt even miss me or think about me. Him and I never spent the day together, we usually just laid around together at night watching movies. i want him to realize that what he did is WRONG....if i contact him and ask him whats going on isnt it going to look like i want him back? i want to keep my dignity and look confident, not look like i am clingy and couldnt stand being without him.
Krytie TV Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 It's typical that when someone wrongs you that you want them to know what they have done and to maybe share in the bad feelings. However, what it ends up being is a reason to get back in touch with a person because you miss them. They don't care about your feelings as much as you would like to believe. Nothing is served by living for what the other person feels. Deal with your own feelings and don't look back.
blondie_xo Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 i would like to talk to him and find out whats going on but i left on such bad terms. i b*tched him out and stomped out of his house, and hes really mad at me also. things have been on the rocks anyway between us because hes been spending so much time with her, and now having a big fight like this after only 2 months.....im 99% sure that things are ruined now. He has spent the whole day with that girl....which makes me sad because she is a really gorgeous, fun, outgoing, and popular girl. I know that he is enjoying himself so much and doesnt even miss me or think about me. Him and I never spent the day together, we usually just laid around together at night watching movies. i want him to realize that what he did is WRONG....if i contact him and ask him whats going on isnt it going to look like i want him back? i want to keep my dignity and look confident, not look like i am clingy and couldnt stand being without him. Hun, it IS wrong what he's doing. Sit him down and talk to him about this... all the texts.. just ask him what's really going on. YOU are his girlfriend. SHE is NOT. Tell him that it is NOT appropriate for him to be spending all that amount of time with her. Tell him you're not jealous, infact you enjoy that he is out with friends... but alone with this girl? Not including YOU in anything that THEY do? Why do they have to spend so much time together? He's only getting defensive with you because there is something to hide. If he CARES about YOU he will limit the amount of time he hangs out with this chick and put YOUR feelings to consideration. If he is willing to continue to hang out with this girl even though he knows how you feel about it... then drop him. Just be bold with him. Be straight up. He's being childish about this matter. I'm sure if it was reverse the roles and he actually gave a crap about YOU he would feel the same. I wish you all of the luck in the world. I've been here and I've done it. It's pointless when you're just talking to a brick wall. But you make sure you get your point across and you tell him how he feels. He knows how you feel so let him decide how to handle it. You deserve someone who devotes that time and attention all to YOU. Not some other chickette. He should know that. And I want you to know that there are going to be many guys out there for you, he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Just stop worrying about what HE wants, and start looking at what it is that YOU want. Do you WANT to be in a relationship like this? Do you want something more from him? Do you want him to stop hanging out with this girl all of the time? Do you want them to stop texting so much? Just ask yourself questions. And when you figure out waht it is that YOU want, you go to him and you sit him down and talk. Enough is enough. Put your foot down girly. You deserve much better than this immature little boy.
Author confuzed25 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 well i think that he thinks we are broken up...i really dont know. We got into that big fight yesterday and i walked out without even saying goodbye. But neither one of us said it was over or anything like that. I mean i was pretty mean to him, said things like "im sick of your lies" and "do you think im stupid??? i know something is going on with you two." And he got really mad and got this sarcastic attitude with me and was saying that i was being ridiculous for not letting him have female friends and he swore up and down nothing was going on with him and he kept saying "i didnt do anything wrong." I was just waiting for him to call me crazy or psycho or say that he never liked me in the first place and was just using me or something like that. At the very least i thought he would tell me that it wasnt working out between us or he didnt have feelings for me anymore but he never said anything like that. He got up and walked out of the room after a 5 minute silence. Thats when i got up and walked out the door without even saying goodbye. So do I assume that we are done even though neither of us said it???? Is he thinking that we are done??? I have not heard from him since i walked out. I heard that he and that girl went riding on his motorcycle all day yesterday....it hurts so bad to think about that because that was my favorite thing to do with him. It just baffles me why he let this drag on so long....its been 2 weeks now that he started acting so much different and distant and has been hanging out with her. Why did he not break up with me?? Even yesterday when we got into that awful fight and i was saying mean things to him he still didnt break up with me. Even if he was a coward and didnt want to do it face to face he could have ignored my calls or something but he always answered my calls and accepted my invitations to come over.
theobserver Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I've seen this a hundred times. I feel sorry for you because you need a definitive answer from your boyfriend on what's going on. I honestly think he could be totally unaware this other chick wants him, she already thinks he's hot yarda yarda. Yeah when a guy and a girl are close friends it's a very complicated situation when you add in partners it gets harder. I think his idea of a relationship is different to yours. You have the more standard ideal and he has a more immature one. Personally there's the possibility he's also playing you. Hell even his friends noticed his actions towards you seemed abit off. You don't ignore your girlfriend at some event wtf? seriously. You're still having sex with him he's having his cake and eating it. He might not be sleeping with this other chick but he's definently getting something out of being with her that he doesn't with you. There's alot of chicks that don't really mind screwing some dude who has a boyfriend, they might not even want to actually be in a relationship with him just hang out and casual sex. While he gets the benefit of screwing 2 chicks one of which has the possibility to look after him in the future (cook, clean etc yes not all women are like this but you see my point). **** this guy. You seem like a nice girl you can find someone better. Someone who understands your values. Don't call him, if he does call you and I bet 100% it will be a booty call tell him that you're not with him anymore. (don't be saying why dont you go with that other girl you'll sound silly) Point is you need to be with a guy that puts you first at the very least if he cared about you he'd be inviting you to hang out with "the other girl" and his friends more. Best of luck on making the right decision. Also when/if you confirm the breakup don't be surprised if you hear he's hooked up with the other chick. Better now then 1yr later.
tgrgrlx Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I totally empathize with you.. I am also confused.. like you I have a great guy that I am very much in love with. He's a workaholic & when he's around it's GREAT, but thats "when" he is. He has several female "friends" that for the most part I have never met. He goes to dinner with them, works on their cars, etc. He is like being blind on a rollercoaster! I am 37, he's 38 & we've been dating every since the night we met 6 months ago. But I am not getting all that I feel I need out of our relationship & am considring ending it. I don't want to, but I can't tell him about my needs & fears b/c that will only send him running. Please read my post under dating "hang in there, or give up" .. Also, my advice to you is don't give up if he's really great & if you love him, but DO tell him how you've been feeling about this "friend" of his & that you need more of him . You are young & have an entire life ahead of you & a sea of men. Once the lines of communication become broken.. the relationship is doomed.. So if he's a keeper.. TALK TO HIM :-)
Author confuzed25 Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 i just want to email him or text him so badly and just say "we left things on really uncertain terms yesterday....." and just see what he has to say
mistieyed Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 i just want to email him or text him so badly and just say "we left things on really uncertain terms yesterday....." and just see what he has to say unfortunately, no answer is generally a good indication of THE answer.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I'm sorry, Confuzed, but I think this one is done. Time to deal with your feelings and move one. No more worrying about what he is saying/doing/thinking, K? We've all been dumped for a ravishing/sparkling girl before and it always hurts, but when you find the guy for you, you will be ravishing and sparkling in his eyes.
Mary3 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 I'm sorry, Confuzed, but I think this one is done. Time to deal with your feelings and move one. No more worrying about what he is saying/doing/thinking, K? We've all been dumped for a ravishing/sparkling girl before and it always hurts, but when you find the guy for you, you will be ravishing and sparkling in his eyes. I love this statement !
SpikeyChick Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 i want him to realize that what he did is WRONG....if i contact him and ask him whats going on isnt it going to look like i want him back? i want to keep my dignity and look confident, not look like i am clingy and couldnt stand being without him. You may get to TELL him that he is wrong BUT that does not guarantee that he will FEEL that he 'did you wrong.' My experience tells me that people who act badly so so habitually AND are experts at rationalizing and defending their behavior. YOu never keep your dignity by ranting or lecturing anyone.- you do it by silently walking away with your head held high. I know that you want to have "the last word" -we women always do, BUT that is a mistake. JUst cut him out of the herd.
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