Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 ****. We talked on the phone...it was bad. He sounds so ****ing happy. I. feel like dying.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 When we talked on the phone, he was very happy to hear from me. I pretended to be happy, too. I told him I was doing really well, etc. He said he wanted us to keep in touch. When we got off the phone, he said "Bye baby". WTF. I cried very hard when we got off the phone. I called a lot of people. I talked to my sister. I sent him one final E-Mail as he expects us to keep in touch plenty. This was my E-Mail. Now that I know what it's like to be in contact with him, I'm done: "I know that I called you this evening and so this E-Mail may seem a bit strange, but I need to send it. I must tell you that I need to close this chapter in my life. I felt happy to talk to you this evening, but when I hung up the phone, I realized that it won't be possible for me to be friends with you. In order for me to fully carry on with my life and close this chapter, so to speak, I must do it completely. I appreciate the time that we spent together and I wish you all the best in your future but it's not possible for me to ever be friends with you. Emotionally, I am a person that must put everything completely to rest. It is not to be an offense to you; it is the way that I deal with my life and prepare for my future. I am asking that you please bear this in mind and do not respond to this E-mail, write me messages on Facebook, or call me. I don't mean this to be harsh; it is something that must be done for me. I feel that it will take an emotional toll on me. I must continue to a new place. It will never be possible for me to be friends with you; this is the way I handle my life. I can't look back. Please respect my emotional well-being. Best wishes for your future :)"
northstar1 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 When we talked on the phone, he was very happy to hear from me. I pretended to be happy, too. I told him I was doing really well, etc. He said he wanted us to keep in touch. When we got off the phone, he said "Bye baby". WTF. I cried very hard when we got off the phone. I called a lot of people. I talked to my sister. I sent him one final E-Mail as he expects us to keep in touch plenty. This was my E-Mail. Now that I know what it's like to be in contact with him, I'm done: "I know that I called you this evening and so this E-Mail may seem a bit strange, but I need to send it. I must tell you that I need to close this chapter in my life. I felt happy to talk to you this evening, but when I hung up the phone, I realized that it won't be possible for me to be friends with you. In order for me to fully carry on with my life and close this chapter, so to speak, I must do it completely. I appreciate the time that we spent together and I wish you all the best in your future but it's not possible for me to ever be friends with you. Emotionally, I am a person that must put everything completely to rest. It is not to be an offense to you; it is the way that I deal with my life and prepare for my future. I am asking that you please bear this in mind and do not respond to this E-mail, write me messages on Facebook, or call me. I don't mean this to be harsh; it is something that must be done for me. I feel that it will take an emotional toll on me. I must continue to a new place. It will never be possible for me to be friends with you; this is the way I handle my life. I can't look back. Please respect my emotional well-being. Best wishes for your future :)" Good for you! It's hard to write a note like - basically feels like you are closing a chapter forever - but you know what? It will help your healing process. Just stay strong - keep busy - talk to friends - find something new you want to learn or try. And I agree on the Facebook thing - way too much temptation and honestly, most of the time, I find that it's more trouble than its worth.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 31, 2008 Author Posted May 31, 2008 Well, I wrote this on my other thread, but for the sake of updating I will copy it here: Thanks everyone for the complete support! This forum is absolutely amazing and everyone here is incredibly kind and generous. I feel as if I'll better be able to give advice now as I better understand the direction to which I'm heading. I wouldn't respond to many peoples' problems on this forum before because I felt I had no advice to give...I didn't even know how to handle my own situation! Honestly, breaking NC last night was in a way good for me (ironically) as it forced me to understand the repercussions and to send the closing E-Mail that I sent. I struggled to not write a more angry E-Mail but today, I am extremely happy that I sent a mature E-Mail wishing him the best in his future. I know I will not break NC in the future. I had to send this E-Mail because I knew he expected our contact to continue and that he wanted us to keep in touch. When we broke up, he told me he felt this was an evolution to our friendship and that we would always be in each other's lives. Last night, I understood that regardless of what he wanted, I needed to do what was healthy and sane for me. I don't feel as if I will ever be able to be friends with him so I had to put a stop to our "friendship" completely and be honest with him. Frankly, I think it was completely presumptuous on his part to assume that we would always be in each other's lives. After I talked to my EX on the phone, I went to Wal-Mart and bought vodka and orange juice. I only had three sips of it before I realized this wasn't the way I wanted to handle the situation, although I do love screwdrivers. I'll save it for another day when I'm among friends. If I had continued to drink, there was a risk that I would call him. I then called my sister in tears and she told me I needed to send a closing E-Mail. I was very relieved to talk to her. I needed this advice. I am no longer on pins and needles thinking about when he will call me or contact me in the future. My sis told me that during my relationship with my EX, I compromised my boundaries a lot and that I needed to do what was right for me, regardless of what he thought or what he wanted. Even though he wants to remain friends, I now understand that it's not immature for me to not want this; it's simply healthy. It's not immature to want to proceed with your life and look toward your future, people. It is taking what you need and making your boundaries clear. Don't allow yourselves to suffer! It was inconsiderate for my EX to contact me as much as he did, when I told him that I would need at least 4 months to a year before we came into contact. After my phone call last night, I realized I didn't want to ever be friends, so what is the point of giving him an unrealistic deadline just to appease his wants? No. That's not the way this works this time. To be honest, before last night and the phone call, there was a part of me that was doing NC in the hopes that he would miss me. While that did work a little bit as he initiated lots of contact to which I didn't respond until last night, I now understand that I can't do NC with these hopes. It really does not allow me to move on. I had to extinguish these hopes with my closing E-Mail. Now that I am 100% confident that this is what I need, I know I will not break it. Now that I know that it's not rude for me to not respond to contact and that it's simply mature to demand what it is I personally need to remain a sane person, I am 100% confident that I will not break NC. Well, everybody, G-d bless you all. I have you in my thoughts as we all struggle to move on. I hope everybody thinks about what is in their best interest and doesn't appease their EX's want for friendship if that's not what you want or need. Today, I'm going out of town among friends to see "Sex and the City". We're making a day of it. I'm going with a sense of peace, knowing that I did what I had to do. I no longer feel uneasy. I feel free.
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