XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 My ex contacted me again, even though I haven't replied to his contact the previous two times he has contacted me. This time, he left me an e-mail this morning saying he just wanted to say hi. His status this morning has been "in the thick of it". He knows that my NC is NOT malicious because when we broke up, I told him I cared about him very much and therefore wanted to let him know that I wouldn't be in contact with him for at least 4 months to a year as I wanted to get my life on track and it was healthier for me that way. I said I didn't want this to be offensive to him; it was just easier for me to part ways like that. He told me he understood and that he would try not to contact me. Why does he keep doing this?? I wish he would respect my wishes. Does this mean he doesn't respect me?
AGENT 99 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 BTB... I think it means he misses you...and hoping you will change your mind. It is probably hard for him to do NC like many LS'ers here have a hard time with. Maybe you should write him back and ask him to respect your request for NC. That might be all it takes if you want him to leave you alone.
AGENT 99 Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 And...I want to add..I just read your previous posts, and I think you're doing PHENOMENAL!!! Serious, at this point so many would have caved and you are remaining strong, even stoic. THAT takes tremendous strength. I am not sure how to advise you about HIM or what he did...but question? Did he at any point seem remorseful or regretful of his behavior? Or did he brush it off? This is imperative because if you are wondering if you ever even want to be just "friends" with him...this is all you need to know.A regretful remorseful person KNOWS they hurt you and will likely do something to change that behavior. Some people are just selfish...period..and it's hard if not impossible to turn a selfish person into a giving one. It is just who they are. Just something to think about..
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 28, 2008 Author Posted May 28, 2008 Thanks Agent 99. I appreciate your thoughts and compliments. You are very kind. I'm not sure if he's hoping I will change my mind as it was kind of a mutual breakup. I do think he misses me. This contact is messing with me a little bit, but fortunately I haven't responded. He has apologized to me before about making comments that I deemed disrespectful. In regards to our breakup discussion where he told me he wasn't interested in my world or getting to know my side of things; my family, friends, and where I live; I am unsure where he stands on that. I don't really care to find out. I'm still hurt that someone to whom I invested so much time in would so disregard my world. I spent so much time in his and never thought he would be so aloof and uncaring towards mine. I don't think he's a bad person, though. Not at all. I think he has a hard time with the concept of sharing. He has told me before that he doesn't even like sharing food (IE: We were talking about how sometimes people order several dishes so that everyone can try a bit of each, like in a Chinese restaurant and he said he doesn't like to do that. He also doesn't like sharing food if he bought it. For instance, during the playoffs he sometimes orders a pizza for himself and gets annoyed when friends want to share it). He seems to not have learned that concept due to being an only child. I do love him despite this but I don't want to deal with it.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Ugh. Now I really wanna' write back! I haven't yet. What would I say, anyway? Why do I want to? I do love him, though.
justaman99 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Ugh. Now I really wanna' write back! I haven't yet. What would I say, anyway? Why do I want to? I do love him, though. Remember what we talked about a month or so ago B2B. The games are boring, the tv is boring. He needs a woman back in his life, probably wants to get laid as well. Just my opinion.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Yes, I remember...do you think that once he gets a new video game, he will stop talking to me? Do you think that he doesn't really miss me...he is just bored?
justaman99 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Yes, I remember...do you think that once he gets a new video game, he will stop talking to me? Do you think that he doesn't really miss me...he is just bored? It's a tough call. Everyone's different. My first thought is he's just bored and wants a woman back in his life. Think about it like this. Dude gets a new game. He's excited and spends all his time playing it. He doesn't want anyone distracting him, not even sleep or work or even a girl. It's new and great and something new right around the corner. Then he gets to know the game, he beat it. What's he to do now? The game doesn't excite him anymore, it's not a challenge. Then after a few months he might pick it up again and play it one more time to see if it's of interest. Maybe a girl to him isn't much different? Replace the word game with girl in the above and see what you think. As I said before he would get bored of the game and tv and pop up. A man thinks with his d*** a lot and when he's not getting any he goes back to what was available, especially when they're younger. You sound like a great girl. Giving and caring and attentive. Just be careful is all I suggest.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Thanks again for the advice. Do you think if I don't respond, he will continue to try and contact me? This contact just made me really confused.
justaman99 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I would bet he'll try even harder. Think we can test this theory out? Commit to NC for 1 week from this Sunday night. Let's give em 2 weekends to stew. Think you can do that?
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Well, I am gonna' try to continue with NC anyway, just for my sake. I really have my doubts that he'll try harder just because he can be really stubborn...but we shall see, I suppose since I certainly don't intend to respond. I'm gonna' be really busy next week, anyway since I'm starting an on-line summer class. This coming fall, I'm continuing school and will be trying to finish my degree so I'm working towards it this summer. I really, really want to get a 4.0 GPA...I'm gonna' be concentrating on that. I wanna' eventually work in the FBI. I get excited just thinking about my future dreams and all of the potential opportunities I have. I try to think about that instead of my heartache. I saw my new advisor today and he told me that chinese is an excellent language to learn for FBI as well as Arabic. I am striving towards fluency in Chinese right now and am going to do my best to learn Arabic over the next two years. This whole thing is a big deal to me as I have just transferred schools and want to do really well academic-wise. I don't mean to blather on...I am simply trying to take my mind off of this and focus on my future. NC!
justaman99 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Wow. Your ex made a huge mistake. Good for you and I wish you well in your future and your pursuit of those dreams. You are a strong girl and I am impressed that you can maintain your focus in the things that are important to you. I'm sure you'll do fine. P.S. Don't run any background checks on me
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Ugh. 1 minute I am so self-assured and the next minute, I just want to make contact. I am really tempted to reply.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 In order to stop myself, I keep reminding myself of when my EX would make certain coments to me that would really hurt me and would make me feel like he was comparing me to other women.
justaman99 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 In order to stop myself, I keep reminding myself of when my EX would make certain coments to me that would really hurt me and would make me feel like he was comparing me to other women. You don't want to be with someone that hurts you intentionally by insults or derogatory comments. And if a guy compares you to other women that I have to say is beyond disrespectful. He's a d***. Sorry. He broke your self confidence with these comments perhaps making you believe that you can't do any better than him? Maybe that was his perogative all along. Keep thinking of the crap.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Well, he wasn't a horrible person but he used to make comments about how he would cheat on me with an actress from a sci-fi show...he said "If [he] had a chance with her, you would be OUT of here. I would SO cheat on you with her" and would always talk about this actress. He wants to be a screenwriter and he actually wrote a series including this actress and wants her to play this part, even though he is just an aspiring screenwriter. He would talk about how he doesn't know what it is about this girl, etc. It was very hurtful. He even said he thinks one of the reasons he likes me is because I am shy like this actress is and I have dark hair like she does. I would seriously hate watching this show with him because she was in it and it made me feel so inferior. I finally told him how I felt about his talking about other women after he made a comment about another actress right after I gave him a BJ. He turned on the TV and a movie was on. He said that she is on a list of girls he would cheat on me with...and went on and on about how this was his favorite scene because of the outfit she was wearing and would say, "Why would he ever want her to change out of that" when scenes changed. It hurt me because I had bought him a sexual outfit like that and he seldom asked for me to wear it. He also went on about how hot she was. Finally, I told him how I felt and he said now he would feel uncomfortable even pointing out another woman was attractive. I told him that wasn't the point. I felt hurt. Finally, a few days after he apologized. I have never forgotten how these comments made me feel.
jerbear Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I really, really want to get a 4.0 GPA...I'm gonna' be concentrating on that. I wanna' eventually work in the FBI. I get excited just thinking about my future dreams and all of the potential opportunities I have. I try to think about that instead of my heartache. I saw my new advisor today and he told me that chinese is an excellent language to learn for FBI as well as Arabic. I am striving towards fluency in Chinese right now and am going to do my best to learn Arabic over the next two years. This whole thing is a big deal to me as I have just transferred schools and want to do really well academic-wise. NC! North Carolina?! Back to being serious. Chinese and Arabic are not easy languages. I think Chinese would be better if you want espionage versus Arabic for clandestine services. Before you even apply I highly suggest one of the two languages and getting a master degree. If you want a "desk" job then an MBA or another other MS degree would help out. Good luck! I would also suggest contacting your senator and see if you can get internship in DC. If that does not work, get an internship in DC.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 Thanks for the advice Jerbear! I'm definitely planning on getting my masters after I graduate. I want to teach English in China or get an internship in China first as well. I lived in Eastern China for 7 months. I'm trying to continue the study of the language so as to keep it sharp for my schooling. I'm taking an advanced Chinese class in the fall, which I hope I can keep up with...hopefully my Chinese hasn't fully deteriorated by then! My school is offering Arabic, too. I love learning languages. I'm such a dork; it's something I do for fun. I appreciate your comments and hope you are doing well.
jerbear Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 My school is offering Arabic, too. I love learning languages. I'm such a dork; it's something I do for fun. I appreciate your comments and hope you are doing well. Don't forget about the other Departments and Agencies. NSA, GAO, DLA, CIA, Dept of Energy, DOD, etc... Also take a look at NSA's programs. They used to have a scholarship but are phased out. Take a look at THE NATIONAL PHYSICAL SCIENCE CONSORTIUM (NPSC) http://www.nsa.gov/CAREERS/students_4.cfm
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Thanks for the info! The temptation is still here but I am trying my very best to not write. I am thinking of the things I wrote earlier.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Ugh, I hate this but I haven't responded. :sick::sick:
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 I'm happy that I didn't contact yesterday. I am tempted to do so today, but am trying my best not to do it. Ugh, I really just want some form of contact!
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 ****. I did it. I wrote back. All I wrote was: "hi. :)" because his message was just something like he was writing to say hi, etc. UGH. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF???
jerbear Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 ****. I did it. I wrote back. All I wrote was: "hi. :)" because his message was just something like he was writing to say hi, etc. UGH. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF??? oh boy... well lets see what he does. You know what I would suggest. Study more, keep busy, take an extra shift. Keep busy to keep you mind off of things.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 Ay! Did that message I wrote sound pathetic? I didn't say anything about missing him, etc. Thank G-d!! You're right. I need to get busy!
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