Billy Bob Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 you know what really gets me she says she has tried to feel that way with me but she just can't she has told me she has tried to work it out ..but you know i thought we were married that we work on our problems together ..............if i am wrong here let me know Sounds like she doesn't want to hurt you... She probably doesn't want to pull your heart out of your chest and stomp on it... but she is sending you a message. She said "tried to feel that way with me but she just can't", meaning she is not nor will be in-love with you. She doesn't love you and doesn't want to work it out.. she wants to move on. It's scary to leave what you know... She might care for you, want to see you happy.. but you and her as lifelong lovers isn't in the cards for her anymore. Knowing what I know now (together for 15 years (13 married), divorced for 2 now), I'd give her what she wants, file for divorce and figure it's over. What a slap in the face to hear that making love to you feels like you're her relative and turns her off.. Maybe you have somehow grown tolerant of talk like that? (Kind of like a woman who gets beaten once in a while and thinks it's OK). Time to pull the plug.. I guarantee you can find someone else that will treat you right. I started dating 2 years ago after my divorce and probably seriously dated (2-3 months plus) about 4 gals, semi-seriously a few more and could have married 3 or 4 of them easily. Any one of them would have been a better spouse than my ex-wife, every one of them was better in the sack! I have been dating a gal now for the last 6 months that is wonderfull. I can only imagine what it would still be like to be trying to work it out with the deadwood ex. About 6-9 months after we were divorced, she saw that even though I had custody of the kids and less free time, that my life was going well and I was dating and having fun... It was too late at that point.. I had seen the light (as will you). i know that 50% fail but it just feels like those 18 years we had all the good times and bad are just tossed to the side. and i still love her and she says she still loves me but not in that way and she has never been on her own and i worry for her and my son Yep, you have to let go of the past.. I felt the same way..."how could she throw away 15 years, screw up my kids lives", because she wanted to "do it on her own".. which is just BS code for "wants to see what else is out there". Man, I'd want to go sow my oats with other chicks if I felt like I was having sex with a "family member"... Let her go, you are an idiot if you try to hold on to her.
Author Billy Bob Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 Are you sure she's not cheating on you? That is a classic thing to say, along with 'I need space'. Yep, she needs space to screw someone else. Best way to get her to wake up? Pull out the safety net. Open that cage door, let her know that she is free to go but she will never be allowed back in. That these games must need to stop. She tried working on it? How? She certainly didn't let you in on this until afterwards. Something is going on, you still don't have the full truth yet. I agree, probably a good chance that she has met someone she would like to date, or has had an affair.. not a sure thing, since the non-sexual feelings have been going on for years.. But? Something usually brings things to a head.. usually another man and usually it has progressed far further than the clueless husband can believe... But that's because the clueless spouse is still in-love with their spouse and can't think clearly.
mb_in_nc Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 yeah i guess you guys are right but guess what i can not get her to leave she has no job no place to go and i cant kick her or my kid out . god and to think i help her get through school to wish she would just leave me and my kid and go on with her life if thats what she wants but she is not the type just to up and leave her son
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