I'm pregnant

[shadowplay]

Aren't you already on antibiotics? After mine I was prescribed a two-week supply of two different kinds, and informed not have sex for four weeks, which even my douchebag of an ex respected.

 

They gave me some pills to take there at the office, but I don't think I got a prescription. It's possible I did, but I was so out of it after the procedure I don't really remember and I can't figure out where I would have put it.

[spookie]

They gave me some pills to take there at the office, but I don't think I got a prescription. It's possible I did, but I was so out of it after the procedure I don't really remember and I can't figure out where I would have put it.

 

You should have gotten a prescription. They filled mine right there and I took the pills home. Call PP tomorrow.

[jerbear]

Sex after the abortion... what are you doing woman!

 

I think he knows he has you and you're starting to know that. The sex and caring part just shows what he is doing. You can't leave him because of all the hormones, the feel good feelings of sex, history, blah blah.

 

IMO, I don't think you should move together, NYC I believe.

 

Being needy is unfortunately part of the package with you. If he didn't agree and only agreed later, only to use it in an argument means to me that he can't handle an argument. He'll cave in to appease then use it as leverage on you later to break you down.

 

He sounds like he doesn't care, controls, and quite frankly keeping you around till after your studies in NYC.

 

I'm seeing something that does not bode well for you two.

 

You're body is doing things that it was not really ready, not easy for a body to prepare for a kid only to do a dead stop. It is reseting and you're emotionally weak right now.

[spookie]

How do I pull away when I'm so in love with him? It's weird...whenever I write stuff about him on this board he always ends up sounding like a bastard, and I can see why people would conclude that he is...but in real life it's more ambiguous.

 

I often feel like I'm contributing to the problem, because I do tend to get needy and anxious when things aren't going well. It's a vicious cycle -- he acts distant, I get needy and demanding, he gets more distant, I get more needy and demanding.

 

When he acts cold I'll ask him a lot of questions -- if he loves me, that kind of thing. I can see how that would be annoying.

 

A few examples:

 

On Wednesday we were lying in bed and I told him I loved him. He responded coldly with "I know." I said in a half-joking voice "usually when people say 'I love you' the other person responds with 'I love you' back." He said, "I've told you I love you 40 times today. Why do I have to say it again?"

 

The day after the abortion I sent him this really long email about how his inconsistency was making me unhappy. I wrote at the end that I would love it if he could write a long response because I missed his long emails (he used to spend a lot of time on lengthy emails to me early in our relationship. I loved that).

 

He wrote back a few hours later with two short paragraphs. I responded by saying that I appreciated his email but was hoping for a somewhat longer response. I told him he could take his time and I totally understood if he was busy and couldn't get to it now; I just wanted to know if he was planning on writing more at some point. He didn't respond to that email, so when I saw him later that night I asked if he was planning on writing something more. He said he hadn't really thought about it and got angry at me for bugging him. He promised me he would write more, but never did. I didn't mention it again.

 

Sometimes when I'm really depressed about us, I'll get upset when he leaves my place. That must be very annoying for him. I know I'm being needy, but it's hard to stop myself when I'm in that mode. Two days before the abortion I was really down. It was a Sunday around noon and he wanted to go because he felt like we had spent too much time together (we had been together since Friday night). I asked him to just stay and hug me for fifteen more minutes. He refused at first, but finally begrudgingly agreed. A few days later he used that in an argument as an example of how needy I am. He has a point.

 

I kind of wish he was a bastard because then it would be a lot easier to leave him. But part of me really believes he's a fine person and I'm the flawed one.

 

I had the same kind of dynamic with the ex. To make it even more complicated, things started off really equally; only after about a year and a half did he start to withdraw, which made me more needy, which made him withdraw more... you know how it goes. Even now, though I do know in my mind that he was a bastard and all wrong for me, I wonder if *I* didn't push him away; I wonder if I had been stronger, less emotionally draining, if he'd still be with me.

 

But what I wanted, and what he failed to deliver, was never all that abnormal. The guys I've dated since wanted to be there for me in all those ways; none complained that I was too needy, or too psycho, even though I don't think I have changed. What has changed is that I don't feel and act crazy anymore, cause I'm no longer relying on someone completely unreliable to get my needs met. I know exactly what I can expect from every single person I surround myself with.

 

Basically, what I am trying to say is, you might be needy, but he is a bastard. And I don't think you'd be as needy with someone you could count on more.

[Art_Critic]

I think he knows he has you and you're starting to know that. The sex and caring part just shows what he is doing. You can't leave him because of all the hormones, the feel good feelings of sex, history, blah blah.

 

IMO, I don't think you should move together, NYC I believe.

 

Being needy is unfortunately part of the package with you. If he didn't agree and only agreed later, only to use it in an argument means to me that he can't handle an argument. He'll cave in to appease then use it as leverage on you later to break you down.

 

He sounds like he doesn't care, controls, and quite frankly keeping you around till after your studies in NYC.

 

I'm seeing something that does not bode well for you two.

 

You're body is doing things that it was not really ready, not easy for a body to prepare for a kid only to do a dead stop. It is reseting and you're emotionally weak right now.

 

This is a really good post JB... the whole post...and the bolded part is something that SP should consider also.. she is emotionally weak right now and full of hormones and he has taken advantage of that...

 

SP.. he is the broken one..

[Art_Critic]

Basically, what I am trying to say is, you might be needy, but he is a bastard. And I don't think you'd be as needy with someone you could count on more.

 

I agree Spookie...

 

She feels she is the broken one but only because he is abusing and disrespecting her and making her feel broken..

 

He is the broken one...

[tinktronik]

How do I pull away when I'm so in love with him? It's weird...whenever I write stuff about him on this board he always ends up sounding like a bastard, and I can see why people would conclude that he is...but in real life it's more ambiguous.

 

I often feel like I'm contributing to the problem, because I do tend to get needy and anxious when things aren't going well. It's a vicious cycle -- he acts distant, I get needy and demanding, he gets more distant, I get more needy and demanding.

 

When he acts cold I'll ask him a lot of questions -- if he loves me, that kind of thing. I can see how that would be annoying.

 

A few examples:

 

On Wednesday we were lying in bed and I told him I loved him. He responded coldly with "I know." I said in a half-joking voice "usually when people say 'I love you' the other person responds with 'I love you' back." He said, "I've told you I love you 40 times today. Why do I have to say it again?"

 

The day after the abortion I sent him this really long email about how his inconsistency was making me unhappy. I wrote at the end that I would love it if he could write a long response because I missed his long emails (he used to spend a lot of time on lengthy emails to me early in our relationship. I loved that).

 

He wrote back a few hours later with two short paragraphs. I responded by saying that I appreciated his email but was hoping for a somewhat longer response. I told him he could take his time and I totally understood if he was busy and couldn't get to it now; I just wanted to know if he was planning on writing more at some point. He didn't respond to that email, so when I saw him later that night I asked if he was planning on writing something more. He said he hadn't really thought about it and got angry at me for bugging him. He promised me he would write more, but never did. I didn't mention it again.

 

Sometimes when I'm really depressed about us, I'll get upset when he leaves my place. That must be very annoying for him. I know I'm being needy, but it's hard to stop myself when I'm in that mode. Two days before the abortion I was really down. It was a Sunday around noon and he wanted to go because he felt like we had spent too much time together (we had been together since Friday night). I asked him to just stay and hug me for fifteen more minutes. He refused at first, but finally begrudgingly agreed. A few days later he used that in an argument as an example of how needy I am. He has a point.

 

I kind of wish he was a bastard because then it would be a lot easier to leave him. But part of me really believes he's a fine person and I'm the flawed one.

SP, it is very brave for you to be able to spill out your own issues on here. I agree that you do have some, issues that is . One of them is letting others use you. Many times in life, we as humans make ourselves valunerable at times when we don't get our needs met as a sign to show others that we NEED. I suspect that his is what you are doing with your guy. He pulls, you push. However, just because you see a person in him who is not the flat image he appears to be in print, does not mean that the flat image does not accurately reflect truth. Truth is in actions , whatever his intent, his actions are here in print and it is easily seen that your guy is WRONG or broken as has been suggested, I think selfish in the extreme is more appropriate. I know that you are messed up because you have emotions for him and want it to be more complex than it is here. However SP it just is not more complex, other than fact , all you have are your own desires that you are pasting over the top of him.

[GPFan]

But part of me really believes he's a fine person and I'm the flawed one.

Herein lies the problem and crux of your issues. Please seek counselling!

[shadowplay]

I'm scared guys. I didn't want to write this before because it's kind of embarrassing, but we had sex a few times. Maybe as many as five. The next morning I started bleeding and cramping a bit, but I thought/think it might just be normal post-abortion spotting or getting my period. It's kind of trailed off since (that was yesterday). We had sex on Saturday. Luckily I don't have a fever or any other symptoms. I have a weird kind of itchy feeling inside, but maybe it's just my anxiety playing tricks on me.

 

I'm not sure what to do because I can't take off any more work for appointments early in the work. I could def get the antibiotics, but I probably won't be able to see the doctor until at least wednesday or thursday.

[shadowplay]

Herein lies the problem and crux of your issues. Please seek counselling!

 

I recently started seeing a therapist. Unfortunately I haven't seen her for two weeks because of scheduling problems. Couldn't come at a worse time. Luckily we have our next appointment tomorrow afternoon.

[shadowplay]

On an unrelated note...

 

There was this guy in college I had a HUGE crush on...it took me like five years to get over him. He was a senior when I was a freshman and we worked together. He had a girlfriend at the time and I never had the guts to even flirt with him. I always got the sense he was attracted to me. For the longest time I was convinced that we were "meant to be." I've never felt that way about anyone past or present. I remember the first time we shook hands how it tingled. I used to think that if I could be granted one wish it would be to kiss him once before I die.

 

Then he graduated and moved far away, but my feelings lingered. Finally a couple of years ago I stopped thinking about him all the time. It seemed pointless to pine after someone whom I'd probably never see again. We're facebook friends, but that's been the extent of our contact.

 

I found out tonight that he moved over the weekend to a neighborhood that's like in my backyard. Not only that, but he's probably working at the same place that my best (guy) friend works.

 

Should I do anything?

 

My guy friend is going to this meet-up on Tuesday where the guy might be. He offered to mention offhand that he's friends with me and I used to have a crush on him.

 

I was thinking of sending him an email...I don't know. For years I've actually toyed with the idea of sending him an email confessing my crush and saying let's meet for drinks if you're ever in my neck of the woods. I was afraid it would be too stalkerly. I could never decide on the right tone to minimize the creepiness and maximize his interest.

 

But it's wrong to contact him because of my bf, right?

 

I'll be honest -- this has tempted me to break things off with my bf. This guy was actually one of the "two people in the world" mentioned earlier who could sway me from him.

[moonlight fragments]

Hey...

I just jumped from the opening post to this.. so I missed anything that might have been said in between. On purpose.

I had an abortion 5 years ago.

No, it is not painful.

It is alot to think about, but I do not regret it. I regret getting myself into the situation where that was the option I was left with.

I do think about it alot, but I would not change my decision. I wasn't ready and there are enough kids out there in this world without the proper support. I could be there for a child today, but 5 years ago? Not a chance.

So, as a woman who can stand up and say I've made that choice, I'm telling you to definitely think about it, but it is a choice YOU make. It is YOURS for the making.

It is always part of you, but it will not define you.

 

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you!

[Leia]

Shadowplay, shouldn't this be a time where you take it slow? I think you have a lot of things on your plate right now. You had an abortion and IMO, the last thing you should be doing is have another guy in your life. Your boyfriend is an arse, no doubt about that one but you should concentrate on yourself first. Get yourself together.

[Nevermind]

You just had an abortion. Why not deal with the aftermath of this traumatic experience first?

 

I'll be honest -- this has tempted me to break things off with my bf. This guy was actually one of the "two people in the world" mentioned earlier who could sway me from him.

 

Then do him the favour and break up already. Your feelings for him are not very deep if the bolded part is true. Set him free.

 

Or chose the drama.

[GPFan]

I'll be honest -- this has tempted me to break things off with my bf. This guy was actually one of the "two people in the world" mentioned earlier who could sway me from him.

Normally I wouldn't go for this plan but in your case I will make an exception. If it will cause you to get away from your current boyfriend and motivate you to continue with counselling to make yourself a better partner, then I say go for it!

[shadowplay]

You just had an abortion. Why not deal with the aftermath of this traumatic experience first?

 

 

 

Then do him the favour and break up already. Your feelings for him are not very deep if the bolded part is true. Set him free.

 

Or chose the drama.

 

I said "tempted," not that I would actually go through with it.My feelings for him are most definitely deep, but our relationship is riddled with problems. I have a suspicion I'll prob end up staying with him anyway. I'm too attached.

[Nevermind]

I said "tempted," not that I would actually go through with it.My feelings for him are most definitely deep, but our relationship is riddled with problems. I have a suspicion I'll prob end up staying with him anyway. I'm too attached.

Yes, I can read. Temptation to break up is a serious thing.

 

You're staying with him because of a suspicion? You're too attached? I think you're scared of being alone. And that's not enough for a relationship.

 

But it's your decision.

 

If you don't want to break up...why even think about those things? Have you learned nothing?

Should I do anything?

 

My guy friend is going to this meet-up on Tuesday where the guy might be. He offered to mention offhand that he's friends with me and I used to have a crush on him.

 

I was thinking of sending him an email...I don't know. For years I've actually toyed with the idea of sending him an email confessing my crush and saying let's meet for drinks if you're ever in my neck of the woods.

[ahah2322]

contrary to what other posters have mentioned, IM(H)O, i do not think that your bf is 'broken'.

 

I think you are the 'broken' one. Insecurity and neediness are not healthy and i strongly urge you to attend to those negative emotions.

 

PS. I am sorry that about the whole abortion trauma and please do take care of yourself.

[shadowplay]

contrary to what other posters have mentioned, IM(H)O, i do not think that your bf is 'broken'.

 

I think you are the 'broken' one. Insecurity and neediness are not healthy and i strongly urge you to attend to those negative emotions.

 

PS. I am sorry that about the whole abortion trauma and please do take care of yourself.

 

Don't tell me whether I'm broken or not. You don't even know me, and based on what I've read about your past relationship you're not one to pick on the neediness of others.

 

Btw, based on your snide comments to me in this thread and others I don't believe for a second that you're "sorry" about my "whole abortion trauma." Please.

[shadowplay]

Just found out I was accepted into at least one of the two schools I applied to for the Fall as a transfer student. It was a reach, so I'm psyched. My bf was also accepted there. We both applied to the same schools. Now I'm just waiting to hear back from the other one.

 

I spoke to PP this morning and the nurse there didn't seem to think it was a big deal that I had sex since I didn't have any strong bleeding or cramps afterwards. I told her I feel some itchiness and irritation inside, but she didn't seem to think that was a problem. She also said that they don't make prescriptions for antibiotics unless there's a real problem. Apparently I was also given no prescription after the surgery, so my memory wasn't failing me. Earlier today I scheduled an appt with my primary for this afternoon, but now I'm not sure if I should go. I don't want to miss more work.

[ahah2322]

ok, shadow. point taken.

 

take care.

[vedderbetter]

If you have nothing of value to add to this thread, maybe you should stop posting here. Accusing the OP of lying and telling her that her posts are pointless benefits no one.

 

By the way, the PP where I live is on my street about a mile down the road. I take the bus up this street every day from work. At least once or twice a week there are protesters. There is bulletproof glass and it feels like a jail.

 

I stand by what I said. Every poster here is saying lose the abusive boyfriend and get some help for the OP's self-esteem issues. Does she take any of this advice or attempt to solve her problems? Nope, just continues to write increasingly dramatic posts about the consequences of her poor decisions and soak up the "you poor dear" responses.

 

If you want to change your life then your have to stop talking about it and actually DO it. I have a lot of empathy for the OP but that doesn't mean I should sugar coat what is glaringly obvious to most.

[shadowplay]

Ugh...okay. My boyfriend really crossed the line today. We were fooling around in bed, naked. I was going down on him (I offered to because I really love giving him pleasure). He stopped me and asked if we could have "real sex." I told him I wanted to but I couldn't because of the abortion. He kept begging me for it. Then at one point he tried to slip his penis inside of me. I couldn't tell if he was joking or seriously trying to do it because he was grinning as if it was a joke. I kept telling him "no." Finally he was like "okay, okay."

 

It really pisses me off because he KNOWS that I could get a serious infection from sex. I've explained this to him.

 

Still I'm reluctant to break up with him and I don't know why. The idea of being without him is particularly painful because he's one of my two only friends. Even if he's douchey a lot of the time, I still get a lot of companionship out of being with him.

 

I can never tell if he's really not treating me right or the way I write about him makes him sound worse than he is. I'm trying hard not to be biased, but it's inevitable that some bias will slip in. This is another reason I'm reluctant to break up, because I can't decide if I'm just blowing things out of proportion.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Should I do anything?

 

But it's wrong to contact him because of my bf, right?

 

I'll be honest -- this has tempted me to break things off with my bf. This guy was actually one of the "two people in the world" mentioned earlier who could sway me from him.

 

You live too much in fantasy land! If you would drop your BF for someone you don't really know... that is sad and pathetic.

 

Listen, if there is 1 person in the world that you would leave your BF for... then you need to leave him!

 

Still I'm reluctant to break up with him and I don't know why. The idea of being without him is particularly painful because he's one of my two only friends. Even if he's douchey a lot of the time, I still get a lot of companionship out of being with him.

 

Shadow... you seem so indecisive about life. I can't tell if this guy just isn't right for you... or that your expectations are upside down.

 

I can tell you that many guys would struggle with their desire in a similar situation.

[whichwayisup]

Shadow I wish I could help you, as do many others, but it seems you are not taking in what anyone is saying.

 

Things will remain the same in your life until you get the courage and break up with him. If you don't, this is your life. An unhappy rollercoaster ride, and the only time you'll find afew moments of happiness is when HE feels like being nice to you. The rest of the time, well your boyfriend is a real selfish schmuck.

 

I wish you well, please seek counselling to help you be a stronger woman. You DO have it in you, somewhere..