Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 And that's the truest thing you've said yet. It IS pointless because despite the positive advice you have routinely gotten on this thread and others, you have yet to take any of it and continue to post how unhappy you are. So while I feel sorry for you, I also recognize that in 6 months, you'll still be on here, talking about how miserable you are. If you have nothing of value to add to this thread, maybe you should stop posting here. Accusing the OP of lying and telling her that her posts are pointless benefits no one. By the way, the PP where I live is on my street about a mile down the road. I take the bus up this street every day from work. At least once or twice a week there are protesters. There is bulletproof glass and it feels like a jail.
Author shadowplay Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 Things are suddenly back to good again. Surprise surprise. A few days ago it seemed like he barely wanted to stay with me; now he's alluding to us getting old together and kids and sharing an apartment. His mood swings are pretty predictable. When I'm feeling down or emotional he pulls back. When I'm happy and confident and not paying attention to him he gets closer.
Lizzie60 Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Things are suddenly back to good again. Surprise surprise. A few days ago it seemed like he barely wanted to stay with me; now he's alluding to us getting old together and kids and sharing an apartment. His mood swings are pretty predictable. When I'm feeling down or emotional he pulls back. When I'm happy and confident and not paying attention to him he gets closer. You just discovered the secret sweetie.. it works everytime with everyone.. trust me on that one.. I hope you're feeling better.
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 now he's alluding to us getting old together and kids and sharing an apartment. How the F can he say that to you considering you JUST had an abortion with his child? He showed you NO support whatsoever during this process! Shadow, I hope one day soon you get the strength to end this unhealthy relationship. This guy is NOT lifetime partner material, his actions and the way he recently has treated you during one of the worst times in your life has proved this!
spookie Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Things are suddenly back to good again. Surprise surprise. A few days ago it seemed like he barely wanted to stay with me; now he's alluding to us getting old together and kids and sharing an apartment. His mood swings are pretty predictable. When I'm feeling down or emotional he pulls back. When I'm happy and confident and not paying attention to him he gets closer. And this is what you want out of a partner? Someone around for the good times but gone when you need him? My ex was like this, too. It was how he insensitively he treated me after the abortion, and the way he broke up with me when I was at my lowest about it all, and needed him, that was the last straw for me. We could have gotten back together - in the past, we always had - but I knew I could never resect him again, after he acted like a giant pussy, instead of a man.
Author shadowplay Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 And this is what you want out of a partner? Someone around for the good times but gone when you need him? My ex was like this, too. It was how he insensitively he treated me after the abortion, and the way he broke up with me when I was at my lowest about it all, and needed him, that was the last straw for me. We could have gotten back together - in the past, we always had - but I knew I could never resect him again, after he acted like a giant pussy, instead of a man. It's weird. It's like when things are good I forget how miserable I feel when they aren't, almost as if the bad times were just a passing nightmare. I also wonder if I'm mostly to blame for his mood swings. The reason I can't seem to leave is I'm just too attracted to him, I love him too much. I don't even know why. I can barely even feel attracted to other guys. People I encounter who I might have once developed crushes on now have no emotional effect on me. I recognize that they're objectively cute, but can't imagine myself being with them because they're not him. I can think of one, maybe two guys in the whole world who could possibly sway me from him. They would have to be pretty damn near perfect. This is different from how I used to feel about him. Something changed or clicked into place in the last few months. I think it happened the moment when I thought I really was going to lose him for good. I have a lot of respect for him, and nothing he does seems to shake that. He has a quiet confidence about him that is very masculine. In fact every thing about him is super masculine, or maybe he has just become my definition of masculinity. I see so much weakness in other guys and I associate weakness with femininity. If a guy isn't smart enough he's weak, if he's too emotional he's weak, if he's too much of a player or too vain he's weak. I really hope this is a passing fixation. Problem is I'm so picky. When I get fixated on a certain guy, forget it. Every other guy is inferior by comparison. It's rare that I'm really attracted to a guy. Most do absolutely nothing for me, so when I'm lucky enough to find one I actually like I want to cling to him. My preferences are a bit arbitrary. It's like a magical quality that transcends a list of traits. I can't imagine randomly stumbling upon another guy like him. When I think about marrying my bf and spending my life with him I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Sometimes, I just daydream about our future or I relive things he has said to me or moments we've shared. Nothing makes me happier than lying in his arms, taking in his smell and the details of his face and body. Being so close to everything about him that they almost become part of me. I can't even say why it is that I love him. I just do.
sfsassy Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 Things are suddenly back to good again. Surprise surprise. A few days ago it seemed like he barely wanted to stay with me; now he's alluding to us getting old together and kids and sharing an apartment. His mood swings are pretty predictable. When I'm feeling down or emotional he pulls back. When I'm happy and confident and not paying attention to him he gets closer. I have been reading your story. Though in your case, abortion was the best option it seems like, still a lot to deal with especially considering your unsupportive boyfriend . My heart goes out to you. My question is do you want to be with someone who only wants to be there when times are good? What about if some emotionally or physically devestating thing happened to you? Would he stand by you, or would he flee? Most people can be great when things are going well, but it is how people deal with adversity that truly is a test of their character. My ex was perfect when I was happy, we had loads of fun, but when I had a prolonged sickness, not so much. He kept wondeing why I wasn't my "fun" self. (and it wasn't even THAT bad) Think about it. Could he even handle kids? I have very young siblings, and I love them to death, but they certainly test your patience, Life is not about some fantasy, ut sometimes really hard situations, and you want someone who will stand by you, not bail when it gets hard.
Author shadowplay Posted June 1, 2008 Author Posted June 1, 2008 This is more concerned with the abortion topic. I did something really stupid and had sex with my bf a few days after the abortion. He was begging me and finally I relented (I'm on a new birth control now). I'm scared that I'll get an infection. I just read online that you can get an infection if you have sex less than two weeks after your abortion. Should I see a doctor for a follow up? I didn't have one originally scheduled. Friday is probably the earliest I could see one.
Art_Critic Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I did something really stupid and had sex with my bf a few days after the abortion. He was begging me and finally I relented (I'm on a new birth control now). You should call the DR and just ask them about it... On a second note.. Your BF is a big eff'ng assclown.. A real class act WTF is wrong with him ??? The guy needs his ass kicked.... I'm sorry but you need to dump and never speak to your BF ever again.. he is worthless... In time you will see how worthless he is... How disrespectful he has been and continues to be to you.. I feel sorry for you
Art_Critic Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 My wife wasn't able to have sex for 6 weeks after the birth of our child and I never once asked her to have sex with me during the time she was healing.. Instead, for the 6 weeks I made sure she got everything she needed in terms of love and I made sure I did all the chores and shopping and stuff like that..and I still continue that today Your BF has no respect for you.. none.. not even a little bit...
Author shadowplay Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 You should call the DR and just ask them about it... On a second note.. Your BF is a big eff'ng assclown.. A real class act WTF is wrong with him ??? The guy needs his ass kicked.... I'm sorry but you need to dump and never speak to your BF ever again.. he is worthless... In time you will see how worthless he is... How disrespectful he has been and continues to be to you.. I feel sorry for you It wasn't quite as bad as my post may have made it sound. It was more like we were both kind of horny and fooling around and he kept saying in a playful voice "Can we please have sex, Shadow...please..." I said that I really wanted to but it wasn't a good idea right after the abortion. Finally I agreed to let him put himself inside of me for "one second." Of course one second turned into longer.
Author shadowplay Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 My wife wasn't able to have sex for 6 weeks after the birth of our child and I never once asked her to have sex with me during the time she was healing.. Instead, for the 6 weeks I made sure she got everything she needed in terms of love and I made sure I did all the chores and shopping and stuff like that..and I still continue that today Your BF has no respect for you.. none.. not even a little bit... You sound like a wonderful man. Your wife is very lucky.
Art_Critic Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 You sound like a wonderful man. Your wife is very lucky. Shadow.. I'm just a normal guy... your guy is broken somehow... I really feel for you.. I do... going thru something like you have been thru and then having to be subjected to his actions.. Hugs girl.. I really hope you are okay...
Art_Critic Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 It wasn't quite as bad as my post may have made it sound. It was more like we were both kind of horny and fooling around and he kept saying in a playful voice "Can we please have sex, Shadow...please..." I said that I really wanted to but it wasn't a good idea right after the abortion. Finally I agreed to let him put himself inside of me for "one second." Of course one second turned into longer. Okay.. maybe my knee jerk reaction was a bit hard... Shadow.. if the man really respected you and loved you the healthy way he wouldn't have made any request whatsoever to have sex with you... Does he not feel the grief ?? There is some grief with what happened that has to be dealt with..
Citizen Erased Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Shadow.. I'm just a normal guy... your guy is broken somehow... I really feel for you.. I do... going thru something like you have been thru and then having to be subjected to his actions.. Hugs girl.. I really hope you are okay... Yeah, my boyfriend is a complete arse usually, but even he would never have even thought of asking me for sex after an abortion. He would have taken care of me afterwards and supported me no matter what. It would have been a no brainer for him. I know you won't listen to this shadow, I wouldn't either, but you being with this guy is a complete waste of time. He will never in a million years commit fully to a relationship with you. He can't even be there for you when you are going through an emotional time. A simple thing which any person with a heart can do. He is incapable of being a decent person, let alone a decent boyfriend.
tinktronik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Shadow.. I'm just a normal guy... your guy is broken somehow... I really feel for you.. I do... going thru something like you have been thru and then having to be subjected to his actions.. Hugs girl.. I really hope you are okay... I agree 100% AC. Her guy is broken. No guy who has even a tiny bit of caring or care of others would request this.
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I also wonder if I'm mostly to blame for his mood swings. No you're not. That thinking is messing you up. YOUR boyfriend is responsible for his mood swings.
Author shadowplay Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 *** Hugz ***.. big bear hugs.... Aw, you're such a sweetheart. Thanks, I appreciate it. I hope your wife knows how lucky she is.
Art_Critic Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I hope your wife knows how lucky she is. Actually.. I'm the lucky one.. .. Did they give you any Antibiotics when you left the Dr ? if not then call them and tell them what happened and maybe they will call in a script for you... just to be safe..
GPFan Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Hi shadowplay, I am so very sorry for everything you have had to endure. I did something really stupid and had sex with my bf a few days after the abortion. He was begging me and finally I relented (I'm on a new birth control now). I'm scared that I'll get an infection. I just read online that you can get an infection if you have sex less than two weeks after your abortion. Should I see a doctor for a follow up? I didn't have one originally scheduled. Friday is probably the earliest I could see one.Your boyfriend has no care nor concern for you at all. You were given instructions on how to care for yourself post-abortion and he 'convinced' you to ignore those because, apparently, his urges rank higher than your health. Charming. Love is what you do and how you treat someone - verb vs. noun. He has proven to you over-and-over that he doesn't love you. Sometimes we use relationships as another means of self-harming. Are you in counselling? If not, please seek help for your issues as soon as possible. There are a few things you can do at home when you feel the need to self-harm (or engage with your boyfriend when he is acting ridiculous): Anger. Run, dance, scream in a lock vehicle or punch a pillow.Numbness. Crush ice-cubes with your bare hands, chew a hot pepper, raw ginger or eat something very spicy or take a cold shower.To calm yourself. Meditation (which I highly recommend taking up as a daily practise), yoga, journal writing or drawing. Finally, it would be good for you to develop a group of friends separate from your boyfriend. Going out and engaging in activities you enjoy will allow these types of beneficial contacts. I wish you well shadowplay. I hope you realise soon that you do not deserve this!
spookie Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 This is more concerned with the abortion topic. I did something really stupid and had sex with my bf a few days after the abortion. He was begging me and finally I relented (I'm on a new birth control now). I'm scared that I'll get an infection. I just read online that you can get an infection if you have sex less than two weeks after your abortion. Should I see a doctor for a follow up? I didn't have one originally scheduled. Friday is probably the earliest I could see one. OMG are you fcvking crazy? Are you trying to make yourself infertile? And your bf... wow. Does he have no concern whatsoever for your well-being?
Author shadowplay Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 How do I pull away when I'm so in love with him? It's weird...whenever I write stuff about him on this board he always ends up sounding like a bastard, and I can see why people would conclude that he is...but in real life it's more ambiguous. I often feel like I'm contributing to the problem, because I do tend to get needy and anxious when things aren't going well. It's a vicious cycle -- he acts distant, I get needy and demanding, he gets more distant, I get more needy and demanding. When he acts cold I'll ask him a lot of questions -- if he loves me, that kind of thing. I can see how that would be annoying. A few examples: On Wednesday we were lying in bed and I told him I loved him. He responded coldly with "I know." I said in a half-joking voice "usually when people say 'I love you' the other person responds with 'I love you' back." He said, "I've told you I love you 40 times today. Why do I have to say it again?" The day after the abortion I sent him this really long email about how his inconsistency was making me unhappy. I wrote at the end that I would love it if he could write a long response because I missed his long emails (he used to spend a lot of time on lengthy emails to me early in our relationship. I loved that). He wrote back a few hours later with two short paragraphs. I responded by saying that I appreciated his email but was hoping for a somewhat longer response. I told him he could take his time and I totally understood if he was busy and couldn't get to it now; I just wanted to know if he was planning on writing more at some point. He didn't respond to that email, so when I saw him later that night I asked if he was planning on writing something more. He said he hadn't really thought about it and got angry at me for bugging him. He promised me he would write more, but never did. I didn't mention it again. Sometimes when I'm really depressed about us, I'll get upset when he leaves my place. That must be very annoying for him. I know I'm being needy, but it's hard to stop myself when I'm in that mode. Two days before the abortion I was really down. It was a Sunday around noon and he wanted to go because he felt like we had spent too much time together (we had been together since Friday night). I asked him to just stay and hug me for fifteen more minutes. He refused at first, but finally begrudgingly agreed. A few days later he used that in an argument as an example of how needy I am. He has a point. I kind of wish he was a bastard because then it would be a lot easier to leave him. But part of me really believes he's a fine person and I'm the flawed one.
Author shadowplay Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 OMG are you fcvking crazy? Are you trying to make yourself infertile? And your bf... wow. Does he have no concern whatsoever for your well-being? I'm going to call PP tomorrow and see if they can prescribe some antibiotics. Yeah, that was really, really stupid of me.
spookie Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I'm going to call PP tomorrow and see if they can prescribe some antibiotics. Aren't you already on antibiotics? After mine I was prescribed a two-week supply of two different kinds, and informed not have sex for four weeks, which even my douchebag of an ex respected.
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