shadowplay Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I'm no longer that nervous about the physical aspect of the abortion, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about going through with it. They're not very serious second thoughts...I know I will end up doing it anyway...but I am anticipating the regret of making an irrevocable decision. Right now I have a (presumably) healthy baby growing inside of me with somebody I love. What if I never get this chance again? My boyfriend says he wants to wait at least ten years before we have a child, so that we're financially secure. By then I will be in my mid thirties. That seems awfully old to have a baby. What if it doesn't turn out healthy? I've read that people who were born when their mother was under 25 end up having a significantly longer life expectancy. The baby I have inside of me right now is brimming with potential. I know it would probably be smart, healthy, tall, artistic and attractive...if you combine our good traits. It would probably be happier and more successful than either of us, because I think our weaknesses and strengths cancel each other out. But I know we're not ready to raise a child. We don't have the money for one thing. It just makes me sad to throw away a life that could be so special.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I'm no longer that nervous about the physical aspect of the abortion, but I'm starting to have second thoughts about going through with it. They're not very serious second thoughts...I know I will end up doing it anyway...but I am anticipating the regret of making an irrevocable decision. Right now I have a (presumably) healthy baby growing inside of me with somebody I love. What if I never get this chance again? My boyfriend says he wants to wait at least ten years before we have a child, so that we're financially secure. By then I will be in my mid thirties. That seems awfully old to have a baby. What if it doesn't turn out healthy? I've read that people who were born when their mother was under 25 end up having a significantly longer life expectancy. The baby I have inside of me right now is brimming with potential. I know it would probably be smart, healthy, tall, artistic and attractive...if you combine our good traits. It would probably be happier and more successful than either of us, because I think our weaknesses and strengths cancel each other out. But I know we're not ready to raise a child. We don't have the money for one thing. It just makes me sad to throw away a life that could be so special. Money is a concern, but you shouldn't be making a decision on a life based on your balance sheet. The money issues always work themselves out. My parents friends were so broke when they had their first child. The kid slept in a drawer! So you give up some of the extras in life. Eat at home, skip the pedicures, brew your own coffee. I believe in a woman's right to choose. I had an abortion myself about 9 years ago. It was very early in the pregnancy and I had been on a prescription medication that caused severe birth defects, so I did not feel overly guilty about terminating it. I recovered just fine. However, you are having feelings about this pregnancy that sound very different from mine. You love the man you're with and you've really thought about this life inside you. Abortion is not a forgone conclusion here. Please open yourself to all possibilities. Good luck.
so gutted Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 so what if she is aloof. There are too many unwanted/badly brought up kids around and benefit parents. Why create another?
Replicant Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 The baby I have inside of me right now is brimming with potential. I know it would probably be smart, healthy, tall, artistic and attractive...if you combine our good traits. It would probably be happier and more successful than either of us, because I think our weaknesses and strengths cancel each other out. Having a baby is not like ordering a pizza with your favorite choice toppings, once it's fully cooked you can't just send it back because it's not what you wanted or expected to be delivered. That's not how DNA works, or a mature outlook on having a child.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 But I know we're not ready to raise a child. We don't have the money for one thing. It just makes me sad to throw away a life that could be so special. It is sad... The money situation will never be perfect. Kids cost a lot of money, and you will always have to sacrifice your standard of living to have one. If you want the baby... have it. If you don't... don't. Basing this off your economic situation is not the way to go. If you chose to keep it... how would your BF react?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Shadowplay, weren't you going to PP Monday? What happened?
Author shadowplay Posted May 29, 2008 Author Posted May 29, 2008 I had the abortion yesterday. There were actually three protesters gathered outside when we got there in the morning. One of them barked "thou shall not kill!" at me as I opened the door. A crazy Christian lady accosted us outside the car when we first arrived. She had plastic neon crosses hanging from her neck and shoved a pamphlet in my hand. We had to pass a security guard and metal detector to get into the main waiting room. It was crowded with people. Everybody looked ashamed and glum. It felt more like the clinker than a medical facility. It was mostly very young couples, but a few lone women. I was at PP pretty much all day. About 6 hours. Most of it was just waiting, waiting, waiting. They gave me like a million drugs to ease the pain, but I was still conscious. I think the main thing was some sort of narcotic. I was aware, but barely. I remember feeling a dull pain and cramps. It was a surprisingly quick procedure. Afterward I started sweating profusely for some reason and they hooked me up to a water iv. The rest of the day I was sleepy, had a bad head ache and some mild cramps. I don't know how I feel. A mixture of relief, and emotional and physical fatigue. I had a ****ty day today at work. Things got worse when I saw my boyfriend after. I told him that I feel like he doesn't love me as much because of a comment he made two nights ago about wanting us to only be "somewhat serious." I started crying and he made some comment about how each time I cry he cares less. He says it's like he's become desensitized and doesn't care as much when I cry anymore. He also said something about being less invested in our relationship. He left the car to do something and I cried to myself. Later he took it back and told me he loved me, etc. But I find it hard to believe. Would you believe it if you were me? We got naked in bed and I got him off. Now he's gone. I feel terrible.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Whether he loves you the way you want him to or not, you are still lovable and beautiful. You will probably have mixed feelings about the abortion, but remember that that is completely natural. It probably would have been much more traumatic to have the baby, especially if he leaves (not saying he will, but if).
Kamille Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Shadow, try to just take some time to rest and put all thinking about the relationship aside for at least a few days. ((shadow))
norajane Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I had the abortion yesterday. I don't know how I feel. A mixture of relief, and emotional and physical fatigue. I had a ****ty day today at work. Things got worse when I saw my boyfriend after. I told him that I feel like he doesn't love me as much because of a comment he made two nights ago about wanting us to only be "somewhat serious." I started crying and he made some comment about how each time I cry he cares less. He says it's like he's become desensitized and doesn't care as much when I cry anymore. He also said something about being less invested in our relationship. He left the car to do something and I cried to myself. Later he took it back and told me he loved me, etc. But I find it hard to believe. Would you believe it if you were me? We got naked in bed and I got him off. Now he's gone. I feel terrible. Your bf is an immature, selfish pinhead. I can't believe this is how he 'supports' you after yesterday's emotional and physical ordeal!! I'm sorry you're having such a rough time today. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
compassion42 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Shadow, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your bf -especially after your trauma at PP. I wish he could have put YOUR needs first and been more sensitive during such a hard week like this.
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I had the abortion yesterday. ((Shadow)) I hope you feel better soon. Try to take it easy and rest. I had a ****ty day today at work. Things got worse when I saw my boyfriend after. I told him that I feel like he doesn't love me as much because of a comment he made two nights ago about wanting us to only be "somewhat serious." I started crying and he made some comment about how each time I cry he cares less. He says it's like he's become desensitized and doesn't care as much when I cry anymore. He also said something about being less invested in our relationship. He left the car to do something and I cried to myself. Later he took it back and told me he loved me, etc. But I find it hard to believe. Would you believe it if you were me? We got naked in bed and I got him off. Now he's gone. I feel terrible. He should have run you a bath so you could relax, or rub your back and cuddle up to you, make you tea and just let you cry this out. You've been though something that IS emotionally draining. HE IS A SELFISH JERK. He may love you, but it isn't the healthy kind of love in a relationship that is long lasting. You two have had your up's and down's but the one thing I've noticed is how he reacts towards you at times and how badly he treats you with such rudeness and disrespect. He is TOXIC for you and I really hope one day soon you realize this and break it off with him. He doesn't deserve you in his life Shadow.
Star Gazer Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I think you should have thought about it before you made the decision you did. As if she didn't. You don't need a man in your life to have a child. As a fatherless child, I can tell ya - if my mother had had one, it certainly would have helped!!! ((((SHADOW)))) Your BF is a royal a-hole. I hope you feel better soon.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I think you should have thought about it before you made the decision you did. You don't need a man in your life to have a child. This is completely disrespectful. Of course she thought about it. Shadow, listen to the other people and take some time to rest and take care of yourself.
Leia Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 (((Shadow))) Take good care of yourself and the last thing you should worry about is your boyfriend! What a selfish B!
Citizen Erased Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I think you should have thought about it before you made the decision you did. You don't need a man in your life to have a child. How absurd. Of course she thought about it. Where do you get off speaking to people like that? Go hide under your bridge until you can find the next emotionally fragile person to mock. Shadow, I'm so sorry to hear your boyfriend is being less then supportive. Not exactly that surprised, but it's not the issue right now. Take care of yourself hon.
johan Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Go hide under your bridge until you can find the next emotionally fragile person to mock. No! Please! I couldn't take any mocking! Not the way I've been feeling about things.
vedderbetter Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 After the description of the PP trip, I'm REALLY struggling to believe any of this story. It's just too outrageous - accosted by religious zealots outside the facility, the 6 hour wait, the "ashamed" women seated quietly in a drab, cold waiting room, the detailed rememberances of the procedure itself, capped by a dramatic ending in which the OP gives her mean and degrading partner cheap sexual release and feels dirtied by it. Sounds like a cross between The Scarlett Letter and the Lifetime Channel. If this is somewhat based in reality, then, girl, you need to get your head together. Go see someone about your insanely low self esteem and figure out why you enjoy being in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. I don't care how many "good times" you can conjure up, everything you have written so far CLEARLY indicates you should have dropped this guy and run a long time ago. I feel sorry for you but you are making your life miserable with your repeated bad decisions.
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 You know, it's sort of rude to assume someone's life is all made up. Why not go back and read some other threads by Shadow, she's been here for quite a while and I seriously doubt she is making all this up. Honestly, if you don't have anything positive to say, why even bother stopping and commenting on her thread?
MakeLemonade Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Hi SP, I am just coming in on this as I was, uh, forced to take an LS vacation for a couple of months. I tried to read some to keep up for awhile but it was just too frustrating not being able to comment. I just read this whole thing and got up to speed. I am sorry your experience was so awful - and I am also sorry to hear people still telling you to have kept it after it is already over - what does that accomplish? I had one when I was 15, I was nearly to the end of the 1st trimester because I had denied it so long. My mom went with me, I got NO drugs (found out later my mother requested I be given none so that I would remember the experience - I have a hard time dealing with that as I recently discovered it nearly 20 years later). I was so young, I know it was the best decision, my bf was abusive and we finally broke up a few years later. I am so very thankful I do not have that tie to him. It was an absolutely awful experience, the pain was so bad I almost went into cardiac arrest and died. Don't feel like you can't think about it though, I still think about the 19! year old child I would have now at the age of almost 35. Yikes, it's weird, I feel wistful? I don't know if that is the right word, sometimes about it - but I also have 2 1/2 year old twin boys that I had at the RIGHT time in my life who I am able to give a wonderful life to (so far) and the experience is so very rewarding. Your "right" time will come too. Best wishes to you as you move forward with your life. One more aside - your BF was extremely insensitive in his treatment of you - I hope you will consider moving on without him and starting fresh in that area of your life as well, it may very well start you on that path to your RIGHT time when you will be the wonderful caring mom I know you will be. hugs.
vedderbetter Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 You know, it's sort of rude to assume someone's life is all made up. Why not go back and read some other threads by Shadow, she's been here for quite a while and I seriously doubt she is making all this up. Honestly, if you don't have anything positive to say, why even bother stopping and commenting on her thread? I did read quite a few, which is why I think a lot of this is very suspect and/or dramatized. As for why comment, why not? This is a public posting board on the internet, is it not? It's not like I broke into her bedroom and wrote my opinions in her personal diary. That's the beauty of interpersonal speech on a posting board - you get all sides. Last I checked there was no "You Must Agree and Affirm the OP At All Times" clause in the TOAs.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I don't know...I went to PP once and it was a lot like OP described. Sterile, with bulletproof glass and yep, protesters outside.
Author shadowplay Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 I did read quite a few, which is why I think a lot of this is very suspect and/or dramatized. As for why comment, why not? This is a public posting board on the internet, is it not? It's not like I broke into her bedroom and wrote my opinions in her personal diary. That's the beauty of interpersonal speech on a posting board - you get all sides. Last I checked there was no "You Must Agree and Affirm the OP At All Times" clause in the TOAs. You're entitled to your opinion. I could see how my account might sound fictional at first blush, but unfortunately it's not. I was shocked too about the protesters, especially given how liberal my city is. There is a strong Catholic demographic, though. The facility has a lot of security because this guy bombed two Boston clinics in 1994. Maybe you should reserve judgment on the veracity of my account until you actually have an abortion or step inside a clinic.
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