basically broke up but is there room for a "break" instead and a 2nd chance later?

[allieapplesauce]

i guess i'm just talking by myself here....i dont understand why i never get any repsonses on my threads. are they that stupid? i just want to be oblivious to everything in my life right now. i was so happy in a relationship for a while and i thought based on the circumstances that things were worth it even if we worked together b/c it sounded ike a sure thing. the chemistry was so strong it was mind boggling.

 

one minute i am ok the next i want to cry. my heart feels like its being squeezed till its gonna explode.

 

everyone's telling me that its ok and not to think about it. but its consuming my every waking and sleeping min *since im not sleeping* and im trying to distract myself but it is hard. i do get the moments where im ok but then bam something happens and i feel like such **** i cant stand it!!

 

i dont get why he wouldnt like me but i have such a hard time with guys liking me. i dont know what im doing wrong. but th eother half is like there is nothing im doing wrong. they're just a bunch of losers.

 

i know he is divorced and it was maybe too soon. does it really hit you like that when you get divorced. you think you're ready and then all of a sudden you just cant be with your current girl friend. maybe it was safe for him to have the good parts of the relationship without the bad. but then what he saw it going down the same path and got scared?

 

even if you really liked the person, can you still do that? not be with them?

 

he is hanging out/drinking with some girls on his team now. the girl is not pretty (sorry but she's not) and she is in a relationship (per myspace) and i think she is engaged b/c i was helping her at work a few weeks ago and saw wedding mags on her desk)

 

what's up with that? is it that that her being potentially "taken" making him want to hang out with her b/c he has no fear that there's committment? it's basically over but should i be ok with that? i mean i dont really see any threat there...it sjust like you want to hang out with her but not me?

 

i reallly need some imput to understand this guy and how he may be feeling. to some extent i feel like he is using the "i dont have my **** together" line as an excuse to me...and maybe he is more ok than he told me.....i just dont know.

 

i know i cant wait around but i cant stand the thought of him not being there and i dont know how to get over it except to move on and find another person but i cant find anyone!

 

i was happy and now i feel like i can't even be around myself these days. i feel like im being tugged apart by wanting to be with friends and wanting to be alone and such.

 

i just really need some insight from ppl who actually have experienced this and have similar thought pattern!

[Billy Bob]

Yeah, the first year or so after seperation/divorce can be messy. I have been divorced for 2 years and really wasn't relationship material for at least the first year or 1.5 years.

 

If I were single, there are definitely a couple of gals I would try it again with.. I broke up with them because I wasn't ready for an LTR... which I am now.

[allieapplesauce]

i keep hanging onto this hope that it'll work out down the road. part of me thinks he really does need to sort it out and it was too soon. but why is he hanging out wtih girls from work now? they're myspacing him msgs...but they are in relationships. he hangs with the boys. why can't he talk to me? i just want to feel normal again! is how i feel, all stressed like my heart is being squeezed and i cant breath and i feel like i cant be around myself and i just want to die and i just want to feel normal and feel like hey, it's a great day, i love life...is this how he might feel b/c of the divorce? and he needs to get thru this? cause all i feel i need to do is meet someone new to take away this pain...but maybe his is worse cause of the relationship wtih the ex is diff than ive had.... its just so hard i just want to KNOW and not wonder but i know thats impossible.

[Kellicakes]

Hey girl,

 

I feel your pain, I really do. I'm trying to get over being cast aside by the guy that I love very much also. Much like your situation, I was given those same vauge lackluster responses like, "I thought I wanted a GF, but i've found i can't juggle that with my problems", and "you're an awesome woman who deserves better than me". I think those type of responses and reasoning just leaves you wondering more and kind of leaves you without much closure...so you try to search for some kind of concrete answer from him and all it does is just make the situation worse. So if you haven't already, take a step back. No more emails for a while, ok? I know how hard it is....but rght now it's the ONLY thing you can do.

 

Let me ask you this, how long had your guy been divorced? You said the divorce was not his idea, so that tells me his wife left him? Do you know the circumstances, like if he was cheated on? The thing is, if he is not over that relationship (and it doesn't sound like he is) then you could be the most perfect woman in the world but right now, where he is in hs life, that wouldn't matter. I know that's hard to understand, but if HIS heart is still broken from that marriage, how is he healthy enough to give all of his love to you? He can't.

 

And i suspect he know this, which is why he broke things off. It sucks, I know but you have to give him some space. I don't think it's a reflection on how he feels about you. Just sounds like he's not in a place where he can be what you need. I know after my brother got divorced, he was an emotional wreck...and that divorce was mutual. So try to keep that in mind. You don't know what all went on between him and his ex. You have to think about if you're willing to wait for him to heal. If he's not communicating wth you, there s not much you can do. I know you love him, but you have needs as well. It's not all about him. Well, these are just my thoughts....don't know if I have helped any. The only thing I know for sure is that you have to take a step back from him for now. Maybe he will come forward in while, and maybe not. But you've told him how you feel...the rest is up to him. **hugs** It ain't easy, heartbreak. Ah, love.

[allieapplesauce]

thanks kellicakes.

 

yeah i know i havent emailed or talked to him. most we've had is a smile when he walked past last week after the whole quits thing and i went on the 21 to say happy birthday (which sucked real bad as u know i didnt know what to do for his bday but still...not to celebrate it with him? upsetting) anyway i went by and said i just wanted to say happy birthday and he was all like perked up like 'thank you. how are you?? hows the new apartment? such and such" and i answ but i wanted to cry it was hard so i just said something brief and said well i just wanna say happy bday" and i went back to my seat

 

he is on vac this week which sorta helps.

 

yeah well i know details of the divorce. i just wish someone at work could have said like hey becareful he is divorced this may not work out...but i didnt realize at all. it just didnt dawn on me.

 

guess they were on again off again for a few years a nd they moved in together and stuff and he asked her to marry him casue he thought it would stop all that. i guess she was clingy and couldnt be on her own...thats his side...maybe to her defense he prob wanted to drink nad play video games all the time.....i dont know how long the actual marriage lasted...but i guess they were fighting and i knew him at this point from my training class for a new position at work but didnt actually know at THAT tme...i heard he was getting divorced but i thought it was the other josh at work...so yeah he was like well then we're done...so they got divorced. i guess that was like april/may last yr cause he mentioned he had this apartment for a year in may now. but the div came final in dec i think. so yeah looking back...recent. he told me all that i just said and siad so we're done there's nothing to worry about....ppl at work say they hate each other but im sure as much as they might, there was something there for a long time right?

 

what kinda bothers me is that he is hanging out with these other girls now. some girls on his team--they are in relationships tho....and some other girls who are like 18 and are friends of the girl who our other guy friend is dating so they are in relationships too so i guess he's just looking for people to hang out with that dont know his background? and who arent single so he doesnt have to worry.

 

i know i need to give him space. today i feel ****yt and i want him back. down the road who knows?

 

im sure you are right. and ppl at work this lady going thru some stuff i think understands his emotional state...i just gotta tell myself that its not me.

 

im trying to move on. this other guy at work maybe a little more stable. knew him but didnt talk in depth with him we've started to hang out 2x now. had some fun. texting...flirty to me...not sure...no expectations. dont wanna use him or hurt him. so i gotta be careful. another work thing....not sure i should let that go much further. is a welcome distraction tho.