First love, Gf of 2 years left me, weird NC reaction.

[tommiw]

I think you should sever all contact with her and move on.

 

Yeah, but somehow I don't want to be that rude if she still contacts me. Especially because I have some of my stuff still in her place (nothing big, basically a hair product). Some part of me still wants her back and she's always in my dreams and every morning I feel really miserable and down, because I wake up in this cold and grey world from a dream where I'm holding her in my arms. Those dreams feel so real it hurts, few nights ago I even could smell her beautiful scent when she was hugging me in my dream, It felt really bad and painful to wake up from that dream.

[0hpenelope]

One reason for this might be that now that she's noticed that I have no interest in her life anymore and that I live my own life and many girls have shown interest in me, she wants to assure that I'm the old needy and desperate guy. Maybe she tries to make sure that her decision to leave me was right, but she fails at her childish attempts. I just answer to her without any big emotions, without any major interest in her things.

 

But on the other hand, maybe she just wants me to feel worse. And she succeeds at that, but not enough to make me show that to her.

 

Mm... Bro, I think you still have an interest in her life; otherwise, you won't feel anything about how she's contacting you now, you know? Yes, it's weird that she IMs you and that the way she's communicating to you is in a manner of trying to bait you, but if you're over it then her attempts at communication won't affect you enough to talk about it.

 

I think you and I are in the same situation: we are very interested in what our exes are doing, but we are choosing not to act on it. If that doesn't apply to you, I'm sorry for assuming it. I know I'm very interested in what Lawrence is doing, but yes... I just choose to let the feeling ride. What bothers people the most, I've learned in this experience, is not when someone's angry at them or hates them. I've learned that it's being ignored that bothers most people.

 

Keep up the good job. If you feel like you can't sever ties with her, keep your cool. Stay calm and let her vent; she wants you to react to her anger when she's angry.

 

I've been your ex-gf before and Lawrence has been the cool one. I'm telling you when he wouldn't react to me, it would bother me like crazy and I would just keep going like a machine gun. I'm not proud of what I've done and I regret those incidents because I became a monster... I'm not a monster. Nothing good comes out of attempting to bait someone and you're going to show her that.

[tommiw]

Mm... Bro, I think you still have an interest in her life; otherwise, you won't feel anything about how she's contacting you now, you know? Yes, it's weird that she IMs you and that the way she's communicating to you is in a manner of trying to bait you, but if you're over it then her attempts at communication won't affect you enough to talk about it.

 

I think you and I are in the same situation: we are very interested in what our exes are doing, but we are choosing not to act on it. If that doesn't apply to you, I'm sorry for assuming it. I know I'm very interested in what Lawrence is doing, but yes... I just choose to let the feeling ride. What bothers people the most, I've learned in this experience, is not when someone's angry at them or hates them. I've learned that it's being ignored that bothers most people.

 

Keep up the good job. If you feel like you can't sever ties with her, keep your cool. Stay calm and let her vent; she wants you to react to her anger when she's angry.

 

I've been your ex-gf before and Lawrence has been the cool one. I'm telling you when he wouldn't react to me, it would bother me like crazy and I would just keep going like a machine gun. I'm not proud of what I've done and I regret those incidents because I became a monster... I'm not a monster. Nothing good comes out of attempting to bait someone and you're going to show her that.

 

Thanks alot for your reply! And yes I'm in the same position like you. I would still like to be a part of her life, even if it only would make me more miserable. I try to resist the feeling to miss her, but it's impossible. And like you said, the feeling of being ignored is the worst.

 

I'll continue my NC, but if she contacts me, then I don't know what to do. But don't worry, I won't start to argue with her.

 

And in the meantime I'll keep checking your posts here too

[ButtHead]

I'm in sort of the same situation. My ex has found another man and she's living with him, although not in the same room. I can only assume they're having sex, but we were our firsts. It really does hurt to think about it.

 

It sort of helped me to read this because I can imagine the same thing happening to me, but I now know what I would do. You guys are all many steps ahead of me so I would still try to use the NC to my advantage to win her back, which is contrary to what you guys would want anyone to do. Instead of NC, I'm doing light contact because I'm still many steps behind.

 

It's funny because at first, she loved me so much and I couldn't care less. Now, I think it's the other way around.

[0hpenelope]

I'm in sort of the same situation. My ex has found another man and she's living with him, although not in the same room. I can only assume they're having sex, but we were our firsts. It really does hurt to think about it.

 

It sort of helped me to read this because I can imagine the same thing happening to me, but I now know what I would do. You guys are all many steps ahead of me so I would still try to use the NC to my advantage to win her back, which is contrary to what you guys would want anyone to do. Instead of NC, I'm doing light contact because I'm still many steps behind.

 

It's funny because at first, she loved me so much and I couldn't care less. Now, I think it's the other way around.

 

ButtHead, NC isn't for everyone but it's what most support in this forum because it was the method that worked for most people. I'm an advocate of NC, but I won't ever belittle anyone who says "NC isn't working for me." I've been the force that has said "Maybe you should try harder," because I know that that's what kept me going when I was falling into the temptation to talk to Lawrence.

 

Only you can gauge for yourself when you've tried your hardest. We can't do that for you. And if you can say that you've put in your best effort to stand by your NC decision and you just didn't "drop dead and quit", then we'll be just as supportive when you look for other alternatives.

 

So having said that, yes, I'm one of the dissenting opinions of using NC as a tool to win the ex back because it's my opinion that NC's your time for yourself. But I cannot force that viewpoint on anyone and I will certainly not do that to you.

 

Again, just stressing that NC isn't for everyone; some have chosen LC and others have chosen a full-on, sincere friendship which I really tip my hat off to. You have to do what you know is good for you. Good luck with things, ok? Keep us posted about your situation.

[tommiw]

I'm in sort of the same situation. My ex has found another man and she's living with him, although not in the same room. I can only assume they're having sex, but we were our firsts. It really does hurt to think about it.

 

It sort of helped me to read this because I can imagine the same thing happening to me, but I now know what I would do. You guys are all many steps ahead of me so I would still try to use the NC to my advantage to win her back, which is contrary to what you guys would want anyone to do. Instead of NC, I'm doing light contact because I'm still many steps behind.

 

It's funny because at first, she loved me so much and I couldn't care less. Now, I think it's the other way around.

 

Nice to hear that my thread has somewhat helped you and I agree with 0hpenelope's reply. Just do what feels like the right thing to do in your situation.

 

And here's a little update, I had no contact with her until yesterday when she sent few text messages to me where she congratulated me for my birthday and then she wrote that she was at the moment of writing at this place that was very special to us. And later that day she congratulated me again on my internet photo profile.

 

Now it really seems like she thinks of me, but the emotions at the moment can't be nothing more than emotions towards a friend or then she's starting to think about me more (I really hope so from the bottom of my heart). But now I have to decide whether I should go full NC, or then act cool and do that "No first contact" thing. My emotions towards that girl have gone higher than ever before and my love isn't going anywhere, it may have even grown stronger. It's a shame though, because the chances to get her back can be really low and in the meantime she can be having "fun" with other dudes. At least I have my own life, I have fun with my friends and I have really invested on self-improving. I just don't want to nourish any empty hopes.

[tommiw]

Another update.

 

She calls me about her summerjob and then tells how she's moving in with that bodybuilder guy. I congratulate and ask whether they're together. She answers no.

 

I don't know what to do. Should I message to her that It hurts me like hell to talk with her. Should I tell her that I don't want any contact with her for a quite some time because I don't want to live in the past and just wait for her call. I love her still, but it would be no use to be some desperate guy who gets his hopes up from one phone call that he would receive once a month.

 

I'm quite depressed nowadays, the success I made with healing has all gone somewhere. I feel nothing towards anyone else than my ex and everything seems really bland, grey and boring.

 

I'm now going out for jogging and I'm starting to build some muscles, because I don't want to be this skinny loser anymore nor would I like to be some ******* bodybuilder.

 

I hope someone can share me some info, I'm quite hopeless right now.

[Exl]

Yeah, but somehow I don't want to be that rude if she still contacts me. Especially because I have some of my stuff still in her place (nothing big, basically a hair product). Some part of me still wants her back and she's always in my dreams and every morning I feel really miserable and down, because I wake up in this cold and grey world from a dream where I'm holding her in my arms. Those dreams feel so real it hurts, few nights ago I even could smell her beautiful scent when she was hugging me in my dream, It felt really bad and painful to wake up from that dream.

 

 

I think you've earned your right to be rude. WTH. Ditch her for good and never want to hear from her again.

[kizik]

She calls me about her summerjob and then tells how she's moving in with that bodybuilder guy. I congratulate and ask whether they're together. She answers no.

 

First - what a b*tch, telling you about the new guy.

 

Second - what is wrong with you, asking her about him?

 

Stop talking to this person. Now. You obviously haven't yet realized that you don't deserve these retarded games.

[tommiw]

First - what a b*tch, telling you about the new guy.

 

Second - what is wrong with you, asking her about him?

 

Stop talking to this person. Now. You obviously haven't yet realized that you don't deserve these retarded games.

 

Thank you Exl and kizik, I started the full Nc when I posted that message and I won't break it now. I have no need to hear from that evil person, it's really for the best to forget about her.

[tommiw]

Update, update

 

 

Since the last post I've hung out with my friends, enjoyed hobbies and matured alot mentally and started to increase the physical side too (alot of exercising.)

 

I have been on no first contact up to this day and my ex used to contact my on IM and sometimes by phone approx. twice a week. She only talked about her life (seems like that bodybuilder, no wonder there, is out of circulation but I never asked about that) and how she lives this party life I detest (I always felt really band when she started talking about this subject) but I kept my head and only answered slightly and without any anger or other emotions.

 

Last week I fell sick and my depression came back strongly, along with memories about her (I had nothing to do than lie on my bed because I had a stomach flu). So every day I started to think about her more and more, until I started to wait for her contact. My depression made me cry about her and all messed up too.

 

So on Friday I had a night out and while under influence I wrote a txt message to her (it's never good to drink when you're depressed or feeling down) that just stated "hello". She never answered to that.

 

But today she contacts me on IM asking whether I had any important stuff to tell her because she remembered me calling her. I denied any calling to her and then she "remembered" that it was just a txt message that she couldn't read when she was drunk and she had also deleted it immediately (again a typical thing from her, all these little things that make me feel really bad when talking to her. They might be subconscious but still.)

 

I just lie that I was so drunk that I can't remember the reason for it. So now she just starts to tell me about how she hates that she can't remember who is calling her because she gives her phone number so easily when she's drunk (this was the last draw to me). I asked why she tells me things like that but she didn't respond.

 

All the pressure and feeling sick that had been growing since the break-up finally erupted and I wrote her a message that cleared everything.

 

"I can't do this. I still miss you, and every time I talk to you I start to feel sad because all the memories come to my mind and you just part away from me. Maybe some day I'll be torpid enough. Bye"

 

I restrained her from my buddy list and started to cry really badly. Crying helped me to remove all this frustration and useless waiting for her contact.

 

Now I feel really relieved that I can fully concentrate on me without the constant thinking about her. This just needed to be done. I tried to be all cool and all that stuff that could get my ex back (maybe I'll use them in the future, thanks badbrit). But since my ex changed to a person I didn't know anymore and all this acting just made me miserable, there wasn't anything to loose.

 

This is going to be hard, but I can do it.

 

Maybe some day, after healing, I may contact her. But I think that I won't, because like I've said before, the old T*** isn't there anymore. This party animal that shares her body just for booze and watches sports (we used to hate watching sports) and hangs around with horrible people (bodybuilders and all those guys that only care about their physical needs) isn't someone I need to be friends with.

 

But maybe she has changed (yet again) if we ever meet again. Only time will tell.

 

Sorry about the lenght of my post, It just needed to be released off of my chest (but that's why we're here, right?)

 

Thanks for the support!

[Peter_pan]

Update, update

 

 

Since the last post I've hung out with my friends, enjoyed hobbies and matured alot mentally and started to increase the physical side too (alot of exercising.)

 

I have been on no first contact up to this day and my ex used to contact my on IM and sometimes by phone approx. twice a week. She only talked about her life (seems like that bodybuilder, no wonder there, is out of circulation but I never asked about that) and how she lives this party life I detest (I always felt really band when she started talking about this subject) but I kept my head and only answered slightly and without any anger or other emotions.

 

Last week I fell sick and my depression came back strongly, along with memories about her (I had nothing to do than lie on my bed because I had a stomach flu). So every day I started to think about her more and more, until I started to wait for her contact. My depression made me cry about her and all messed up too.

 

So on Friday I had a night out and while under influence I wrote a txt message to her (it's never good to drink when you're depressed or feeling down) that just stated "hello". She never answered to that.

 

But today she contacts me on IM asking whether I had any important stuff to tell her because she remembered me calling her. I denied any calling to her and then she "remembered" that it was just a txt message that she couldn't read when she was drunk and she had also deleted it immediately (again a typical thing from her, all these little things that make me feel really bad when talking to her. They might be subconscious but still.)

 

I just lie that I was so drunk that I can't remember the reason for it. So now she just starts to tell me about how she hates that she can't remember who is calling her because she gives her phone number so easily when she's drunk (this was the last draw to me). I asked why she tells me things like that but she didn't respond.

 

All the pressure and feeling sick that had been growing since the break-up finally erupted and I wrote her a message that cleared everything.

 

"I can't do this. I still miss you, and every time I talk to you I start to feel sad because all the memories come to my mind and you just part away from me. Maybe some day I'll be torpid enough. Bye"

 

I restrained her from my buddy list and started to cry really badly. Crying helped me to remove all this frustration and useless waiting for her contact.

 

Now I feel really relieved that I can fully concentrate on me without the constant thinking about her. This just needed to be done. I tried to be all cool and all that stuff that could get my ex back (maybe I'll use them in the future, thanks badbrit). But since my ex changed to a person I didn't know anymore and all this acting just made me miserable, there wasn't anything to loose.

 

This is going to be hard, but I can do it.

 

Maybe some day, after healing, I may contact her. But I think that I won't, because like I've said before, the old T*** isn't there anymore. This party animal that shares her body just for booze and watches sports (we used to hate watching sports) and hangs around with horrible people (bodybuilders and all those guys that only care about their physical needs) isn't someone I need to be friends with.

 

But maybe she has changed (yet again) if we ever meet again. Only time will tell.

 

Sorry about the lenght of my post, It just needed to be released off of my chest (but that's why we're here, right?)

 

Thanks for the support!

 

feel for you dude, well done for trying though and yes going NC probably is best, my ex wanted to stay in contact and i simply let her know it was to hard and i was to hurt to do so. i said, its pretty difficult now you have a new BF,,,,

 

she said its nothing serious....

 

what a bitch

 

i just said i dont care what it is. he is still your new bf.

 

anyway i think your be better off not speaking with her

[tommiw]

feel for you dude, well done for trying though and yes going NC probably is best, my ex wanted to stay in contact and i simply let her know it was to hard and i was to hurt to do so. i said, its pretty difficult now you have a new BF,,,,

 

she said its nothing serious....

 

what a bitch

 

i just said i dont care what it is. he is still your new bf.

 

anyway i think your be better off not speaking with her

 

Yeah, NC for now. And from what you wrote, it seems like she's trying to ease the situation, like it really isn't that big a deal. What an evil person your ex is.

[Peter_pan]

yeah man she acted as though she did nothing wrong. hows NC going?

[tommiw]

It's been going on great. It's always easier when you do more than just sit in front of your pc. Going out with your friends is the best drug to this situation.

 

Although, I heard from her friend that they are coming to my town for a local rock festival, so I might accidentally meet her. I just wish it wouldn't happen.

 

How about you my friend.

[Peter_pan]

you are very right, friends are the best "drug"!

 

well its not bad, some days are harder than others. the annoying thing about my ex RE is that my best mate is going out with her best mate, so i havnt turned to him for help with the coping because no doubt he will tell his gf and it will get back to my ex you know?

 

but also i keep thinking, if she isnt with him and i heard she missed me and wanted to try again, what the hell would i do?

 

i used to feel anxious that she was with him and it settled my mind knowin that they are not anymore. i used to really want the chance to get her back, but something is keeping me strong and not contacting her. i guess its the thought that i would want her to contact me first

[tommiw]

you are very right, friends are the best "drug"!

 

well its not bad, some days are harder than others. the annoying thing about my ex RE is that my best mate is going out with her best mate, so i havnt turned to him for help with the coping because no doubt he will tell his gf and it will get back to my ex you know?

 

but also i keep thinking, if she isnt with him and i heard she missed me and wanted to try again, what the hell would i do?

 

i used to feel anxious that she was with him and it settled my mind knowin that they are not anymore. i used to really want the chance to get her back, but something is keeping me strong and not contacting her. i guess its the thought that i would want her to contact me first

 

Oh that's a bad thing. It's really sad that we can't even trust our best friends, because it's always the love that matters. But if they break up too, then they are always crying for our help.

 

I have almost the same thing. I'm not sure if I would want her back anymore if I had the chance.

 

You just need to live your life like you lived before you met her (this has helped me alot), meet your friends and talk to girls (doesn't have to be anything serious). And the most important thing, don't just stay home and wait for her to contact. Stay in NC and let her know that you aren't available.

 

Actually I've started to get along with my ex a bit better. I've gotten over her pretty well, and I can manage to keep my emotions away if I talk to her on IM. But I talk to her only occasionally and don't pressure her. We have different life goals and if it's the fate we'll be together some day... But I'm not going to just wait for it to happen.