hopelessguy Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 *Update* Man oh man, this may be long. Ok, so as I said before I was healing and was starting to feel good about myself again. I came to the conclusion that it was her loss and I shouldn't worry about it and move on... The NC was going well as it helped me keep my mind off of her and I focused on other things. Now the mistake... I went and helped her move! VERY DUMB MOVE! I thought I was stable and honestly I was; it was her actions that have turned things upside down for me once again. So as I said, I went to help her move. Everything was cordial, we joked, never discussed our relationship, things were good. When we were done she asked if I would accompany her and a girlfriend of hers to go to the nail salon. I went. On the way there we passed a jewelry store and her girlfriend said that she was in there recently helping a friend of hers buy an engagement ring. The friend of my ex then said to my ex that she knew the exact engagement ring that she wanted for herself when the time came for her to be married. My ex then responded "I do too." That comment caught me off guard but I didn't show any emotion. Right after saying that, she looked into the rear view mirror (I was in the backseat), winked at me and smiled. That kind of aroused my interest but I kept cool, I kept telling myself I was trying to move on. Ok, so we get to the nail salon. She was getting her nails done and I was just sitting there rubbing my temples with my eyes closed as I had a massive headache. When she was done she came to me, sat on my lap and said "you see that little girl over there, that's what our daughter will look like." WOW! What a shock! Could it be that she was changing her mind and wanting to give us another try? That was all going through my mind but I still just played it cool. Right after that she told me that while I had my eyes closed there was a girl across the room looking at me. She then said, "I made sure to make eye contact with her and nod my head to let her know that you were taken." WOW! Taken? Since when was I taken? Didn't you just dump me? Even with that I still played it cool and just answered "oh". So then we leave. When we get back into the car she looks into the rear view mirror and blows me a kiss. At this point I'm ecstatic. We drive back to her place and eat dinner then went into her room to talk. Her friend was in the room with us. So we were all just talking about random stuff while she was folding clothes and just situating things in her new room. During that time she came and laid on me (I was sitting on the floor) and whispered "when things get better you can spend the night". So in my mind that almost sealed the deal- she wants to try to work things out! We did more talking and it was getting late so I went to leave. She stopped me and out of nowhere kissed me! I left. I was happy. I thought maybe I would be one of those success stories. Boy was I wrong. So that was last Saturday (5/24). As the week went by we had casual conversation here and there but nothing discussing us working on our relationship. Fast forward to Friday (5/30). I try calling her to remind her she needed to register for next semester’s classes. I called her @ 8:30am she answered but I could tell she was still sleeping. She promised she'd call when she woke up. 9:30a, 10:30a. 11:30a. 12:30p, 1:30p, still no call! So I call her again. No answer. This is not someone who just "forgets" to call me back so concerned I called her 10 minutes later. She answers and says "I'll call you right back". 1:40p, 2:40p, 3:40p still no call. So I sent her a text and said "What's up with you, I just had something to tell you real quick". Maybe this could have been seen as "stalking or obsessive" but I knew that the guidance office closed @ 5:00 and I just wanted to make sure she got her schedule in order. Ok, so she calls me back but sounds kind of pissy. I asked "why didn't you call me back?" She came up with some BS excuse saying that she got caught up in getting ready and forgot. I know this girl, she doesn’t just forget. It was obvious that I was just not a priority to her. I asked where she was and she said "out of town". I responded, "out of town which means...". She then tells me that she's in a little city 2 hours away from where we live. At this point I was frustrated with her antics and I said "well I just called you to remind you that you need to get your classes in order". I could hear background noises and could tell she was in a store. She responded almost like I was wasting her time- like I was bugging her. Her only response was "well I have to get back". I said ok and bye. I was pissed. I was only calling to help HER out and she made it seem like I was bothering her. Not only that but I'm sure that during her two hour drive out of town she could have returned my call. That's what people with respect do... If you say you'll call when you wake up then why not call??? At that point nothing but angry thoughts were running through my head. Why would she do all that stuff on Saturday only to totally disrespect me one week later. I sent her an email right after that telling her she's playing games and that I had no desire to talk to her again. Right now I'm WORSE off than I was in the beginning of this whole ordeal. Atleast in the beginning she treated me with a bit of respect whereas now she completely shut everything down. She made her friends a priority over someone she talked about having kids with just a week earlier. It's sickening to think of how she could stab me (initial breakup), sew up the wounds (past Saturday where she looked to be reconsidering things), then shoot me (this past Friday). If I'm getting over you and you're already over me why play the games??? So once again I'm having problems eating and sleeping. I built my hopes up that she was coming back around to work things out but that was obviously not her intent. Lesson learned: When healing, don't go breaking NC thinking that you can't be affected. Another lesson learned is that people in this world are VERY cruel. This is definitely not the same person I fell in love with. This is definitely not the person I want to be a mother to my children. It's so crazy how someone can flip on you out of nowhere. I find myself starting the healing process all over again but I know what mistakes NOT to make. Good luck to all the heartbroken out there! If she tries to contact me again or if there are any new revelations I will keep updated.
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Even if she comes back to you in a few months, it'll go back to the same, especially now she's hanging, she'll want to go back under your protective wing which is so familiar to her. And then what? She wants just to be friends? Whatever. She'll just be feeding off you, if you let her. I hate to tell you "I told you so", but I did told you so. She just had her revenge for your NC, and you totally opened the door for her to do it. She already seemed the kind of girl you should avoid, but now I'm certain. Hope you stick to it this time. As for myself, no developments. As usual I can't take my own advice Broke NC a couple of times with no answer, but just couldn't help it. She's a good girl - deep down - but immature and doesn't know what she wants. I am conforted by the thought that she WILL one day regret it. Even if too late.
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I hate to tell you "I told you so", but I did told you so. She just had her revenge for your NC, and you totally opened the door for her to do it. She already seemed the kind of girl you should avoid, but now I'm certain. Hope you stick to it this time. As for myself, no developments. As usual I can't take my own advice Broke NC a couple of times with no answer, but just couldn't help it. She's a good girl - deep down - but immature and doesn't know what she wants. I am conforted by the thought that she WILL one day regret it. Even if too late. Oh jeez Exl, give the guy a break. This is someone that he loves. Any one of us could have, and probably will, make the same mistake. Original Poster, I'm very sorry that you got your heart broken - again. I think the mistake you made was acting like the "getting back together" was all her decision. After all, she was saying things like "You can spend the night," when in reality (and people forget this)... that's up to you, too. I am guilty of allowing my ex GF's words to dictate my actions. It is because I have such low self esteem that I said "How high?" when she said "Jump." Take this recent episode as a lesson (it seems that you have - good job) to not allow yourself to be pulled along on that puppet string. The hardest thing ever is to avoid that temptation to be back with the Ex - especially when they're winking at you, talking about how you're taken, etc. I mean, f*ck - I might have done what you did too. You're right - this person has changed. My ex turned from a sweetheart into a b*tch in just two years. It happens, and it hurts. I'm soo goddamn sorry, my friend. You'll be OK. You've learned your lesson, and you stated it: don't be in contact while healing.
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 I didn't want to sound bad. But it was quite noticeable from his first post that she would be doing it... That's why I suggested what I did! Sorry if I was too harsh ;( How are you Kizik clone-man?
kizik Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 What's up, counterpart - hey, maybe we should just go gay and date each other. No worries about hopelessguy. All I was saying is that people can give all the advice they want, but as you know, FOLLOWING it is extremely difficult. And seriously, if my Ex was like laying all over me and talking about sleeping over? Damn. I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. Anyway, I am "OK." Haven't talked to the ex in 2 goddamn weeks. F*ck, that hurts. I hope she's missing me. How are you?
Exl Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Sorry for hijackin' your thread hopelessguy!!!!!!!! Kizik: Hanging on, broke NC again a couple of days ago and I know - have my way of knowing -she actually wanted to answer me and thought about it. Just ended up not doing it. Also she's been checking one of my profiles (she is supposed to have it turned off so people don't see her on the "recent visitors" list which makes it weirder) as well as my (?!?) sister's (can't even imagine why! desperate?)! Something weird is going on. Maybe she didn't like to have heard I was out with a goodlooking girl - I bumped into her flatmate while at it! Almost bumped into her last night - decided to change club at last minute and just heard she was there! Close one. Haven't seen her since our breakup even though she lives 5 minutes away and there's a high probability we randomly meet at any time. Guess she's been careful. My ex wouldn't ever do that. She isn't that kind of girl. Even if it was for revenge or anything else she wouldn't be that explicit. I wonder if she did that to me. I guess I wouldn't be responsible for my actions either, I must admit. Especially because I had once asked her to be more straightforward (sexually-wise). She was such a bad lay still I loved her the way she was. Lol. How strange. Hope she's missing you too Even if it is just for her disconfort! hehe.
dj_whut_ivc Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Well its been a while since i last posted here.. and let me tell you it may sound bad, but its a comfort to check the thread every once in a while and read about your situations .. thanks for sharing your life! As for me it has been 3 weeks since my whole world came crashing down (It feels more like 3 months) I have a had so much hope over the past few weeks that she would have a change of heart and see how crazy this all is, it was the only thing that kept me going, no such luck. Although my story is a little different, since we truly both love eachother and both agree our relationship was wonderful. However believe it or not that just makes it alot worse! There have been many atempts on my part to reason with her even beg for her to see how ridiculous this all is but she insists on sticking to her guns. She has been with me since she was 16 and now feels like she has no identity. Understandable however i was by no means a controling boyfriend and always wanted to her go out and have fun, experiance things on her own ect. She never did though and its all coming back to bite us both. I have to come to grips with the fact that we may never be back together and that we are now just a memory. She is such a good person and wants to be there for me as much as possible but her pity hurts. The only thing that makes me feel ok is hearing her voice, but it is also the thing that hurts the most. Memories are all we have and i cherish them but now i just resent them as they sting me every minute of every day. I have amazing people including her family who are just as confused and rally around me but when it comes down to it i still feel lonelier than ever not having her by my side. The truest statment of all is a huge cliche " you never truly know what you have until it leaves you" that rings true for a wide range of life experiances and i have a new found appreciation for it. I feel SO incredibly helpless and lost. She moved away within a week to a larger town an hour away and i never see her, she already has 2 new jobs. Im so worried about her its unreal, meanwhile im 26 with a lonely house and left to start over? It just makes no sence. I told her that i have never felt true abandonment until now, she has sadly experianced it alot with her parents. I thought this would touch her, but nothing... she truly is "emotionaly checked out" as she so kindly put it ... im left to wonder where in the world she came up with that one, and if she can check out that fast, she must be able to check in just as quick. Funny how a hurt body and soul will process certain situations. I guess when it comes down to it i hope you can get some comfort from my story as well, because i truly wish that there was another man or that she just didnt love me anymore ect. I may be stretching it but there is nothing that can rest my mind because everything was great and when you hurt you reach out for reasons, those reasons help your grief to rationalize the situation. It just seems there is no rational explanation or solution for us. I will love her forever. Keep your heads up ... its all we can do. Tyler
Author hopelessguy Posted June 2, 2008 Author Posted June 2, 2008 I didn't want to sound bad. But it was quite noticeable from his first post that she would be doing it... That's why I suggested what I did! Sorry if I was too harsh ;( Yea, I understand what you mean completely. Like I said, I was getting over her as it was obvious that she changed and wasn't the same person I fell in love with. BUT at the same time, on that Saturday she was acting like she was back to normal. I guess the worst part about being a dumpee who wants the dumper back is that every little thing that the dumper does makes you feel as if there is a chance for reconciliation. In my case I don't think I was reading too far into something that wasn't there. All of her actions indicated that she wanted to try again. Oh well. Like I said before, I won't let it happen to me again. My only question now is why she did all of the things she did to make me feel like she wanted to try again. Anyone have any ideas?
joejoechen Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Maybe it's the feeling? That you both have been so long together even though separated there must be some kind of a feeling left over..? Joe
twice_shy Posted June 2, 2008 Posted June 2, 2008 Any advice regarding NO CONTACT, fear of marriage on her part, success stories or anything else would be appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to hear me out! Have you ever considered making NC permanent? To me, the whole, "I need space", or "I need to find out who I am" is code for something else. Maybe you should think about moving on and finding someone that is a little more committment minded. Just think what she might do if you ever got married and she starts feeling suffocated in a marriage to the same guy for too long?
Author hopelessguy Posted June 3, 2008 Author Posted June 3, 2008 Maybe it's the feeling? That you both have been so long together even though separated there must be some kind of a feeling left over..? Joe Yea, I thought about that but I mean talking about what our kids would look like? I don't think that has to do with familiarity... Any other thoughts?
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