JustPassingThru Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 That was horrible to read. I'm sorry Replicator. I too am going through a situation similar to yours, but mines pales in comparison. I feel not having that sense of closure is the hardest thing to deal with. Always wondering. How could things change so fast? Has she felt this way for a while and I was just oblivious? What the hell happened? I say, give it time. Things will fall into place. Give her SPACE. It sounds like you two were very close, and I'm sure that with time, the right decision will be made. I know, easier said than done. But at this point, that's your best option. Staying busy and keeping your mind off the situation is damn near impossible. I've been running and writing a lot. I've probably written my ex of 2 days, a 2 dozen messages. But I don't send them. It helps me get what is inside, out. Try it. I know what you are going through. You just need to find an outlet and use it. Leave her alone and let her make the decision. Stay strong.
justine4 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Have you contacted her since your last post replicator? How are you getting on? Are things any easier at all?
replicator Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Hi Justine, No I haven't contacted her. This is where it left off. I have been getting serious urges to contact her. I feel like I'm out of sight, out of mind, and I don't want her to forget me. I know she still has feelings for me, though for some reason she won't allow herself to come back to me. I love this girl. I don't know what to do. I want to reach out again and tell her that I love her, and I miss her. I don't know if what I should do, but I'm beginning to see that I'm slipping into depression. It is hard for me to get anything done.
sunshinegirl Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Rep, do you have people in your life you can talk to? Friends and family have been a lifesaver for me. Without them, I would be in a serious clinical depression by now. As it is I am teetering on the edge of one. How about seeing a counselor? Might that help? As they say, "there is no way out, but through." Which is pretty cold comfort when you're in the thick of it, I know. (((hugs)))
replicator Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 My friends have heard me out, there is nothing they can say that comforts me. My family, they care but I don't talk to them about these sorts of things. She was my best friend. I am going to reach out to her, to let her know that I still care. I feel like she knows how much I'm suffering, and she isn't contacting me because she knows how much it hurts me. I need another chance. I know this sounds desperate, but when you love someone so much, what are you supposed to do?
justine4 Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 My friends have heard me out, there is nothing they can say that comforts me. My family, they care but I don't talk to them about these sorts of things. She was my best friend. I am going to reach out to her, to let her know that I still care. I feel like she knows how much I'm suffering, and she isn't contacting me because she knows how much it hurts me. I need another chance. I know this sounds desperate, but when you love someone so much, what are you supposed to do? You've done so well up until now, resisting contacting her. I was around where my ex lives last weekend for a concert which we had originally got tickets for to go together. I thought I was doing ok (well, not really ok, but I had managed to get through a day without tears) and I drove past the end of his street and saw his car parked outside his house (no, I'm not a stalker by the way!) Well, it knocked me for 6. My mood plummeted and I was back to tearful & heartbroken again. I couldn't imagine the blow if I'd seen him in person. It took all my willpower not to ring him (I live 2hrs away so wouldn't really be around his area unless I was seeing him). Thank goodness for good friends, thats all I can say. I know theres very little they can say sometimes to soften what we are going through at the moment, but just having someone to listen is massive. I didn't ring him and my friend said he'd be in contact. I couldn't see it. However, that evening I got texts from him asking how I'd enjoyed it and making a few lighthearted comments. Then, again, another text during the week wishing me happy birthday. I know what you mean about out of sight out of mind, but my friend (who is FAR more insightful than I could ever hope to be) said as long as they know you are there, and they can call and you'll come running, then they have their 'security blanket'. We, on the other hand, aren't 'fortunate' enough to be in that position, and are left feeling helpless (or should that be a bit hopeless, or maybe both?). The thing is, by 'upsetting' the equation, and not having contact with them, may well make them start to question if we will remain there, and maybe give them a chance to start questioning their assumptions? The thing is, if you chase them, you may get them back because of a few choice words, maybe a bit of persuasion, pulling on their heartstrings, but, chances are, it won't be permanent. Better for things to settle, and then, if/when they want to come back, its because they've decided and haven't been 'forced' to. In the long run, thats the main thing. No-one likes to feel pressured. I'm sure your ex knows exactly how you feel. Have you decided how and when you're going to contact her?
Author kizik Posted May 30, 2008 Author Posted May 30, 2008 if you chase them, you may get them back because of a few choice words, maybe a bit of persuasion, pulling on their heartstrings, but, chances are, it won't be permanent. Rep, Justine is right. I understand your twisted logic, but the fact is that, as Phish (my favorite band) says, "Your reaching just pushes it further away." Trust me, there is nothing I want to do more than call my ex. "I just wanted to say that I love you and miss you." But that will only feel good for about 5 seconds, until when she says, "You know, I can't handle this right now..." LS-ers talked me out of doing it. Justine and I, and hopefully others members, are talking you out of it. Keep in mind ONE WORD: Dignity. You need to maintain as much of it as you can. You will regret giving it all away.
JustPassingThru Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 The thing is, if you chase them, you may get them back because of a few choice words, maybe a bit of persuasion, pulling on their heartstrings, but, chances are, it won't be permanent. Better for things to settle, and then, if/when they want to come back, its because they've decided and haven't been 'forced' to. In the long run, thats the main thing. No-one likes to feel pressured. Truth
replicator Posted May 31, 2008 Posted May 31, 2008 Thanks for the advice. I didn't contact her, though I really wanted to. The pain in my chest is really intense at times. Literally I feel my heart breaking. lol. Totally nuts but hey that's life. At least I'm alive and got all my limbs intact.
fmlyhm Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 I wish I had the same faith, God knows, I have the same pain. I have been NC for 7 months and I will tell you, it does not seem to get easier. But what is left? I am well aware it's over and nothing I could do or say will bring him back. I don't want him back anyway. But I love him and it hurts to see him and pointless to protest what he wanted and got in the end. I sure don't want him to know what he has done to me, cause that just gives him power over me. Been there, wearing my heart out on my sleeve. It was a disaster! and I ended up looking like a fool. If it isn't 2 people that really want it, it just is a losing battle. It always seems like the one who does want it, gives all the power to the other person and in the end, ends up with all the hurt. At least you have a sense of humor still so that will help.
replicator Posted June 1, 2008 Posted June 1, 2008 fmlyhm, I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I have to have faith that it is there. When I'm down, I think about those less fortunate. I've known people who died too young, and I think at least I'm alive and still have another chance. I have control of my mind, and I'm healthy. We are all doom and gloom here, but in the bigger picture, we are still alive. At any minute we can choose to live, and change our focus. It is easier said than done, and we will still carry this real pain in our hearts. It isn't something that can be wished away, but we can face our fears and accept our hurt and focus on what we can do next to turn the page. I'm struggling. I will admit that. I'm a grown man, but I still cry every day. My heart literally feels like it was ripped out, and this empty feeling of pain doesn't subside. Yet, I know that there is only one life to live, and I need to make the most of it.
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