Trialbyfire Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 How am I spinning it? OMG when did I say "force?" I never ever said that! For the thousandth time, I'm not telling anyone to force anyone to do anything! Cunnilingus is "one little act." Fellatio is "one little act." Kissing is "one little act." And you can't tell me that the absence of any of these three things in any "NORMAL" relationship wouldn't be a big problem to one partner! And how is it all about ME, exactly? If I had some weird problem where I puked every time my girl's vagina-juice touched my lips, I wouldn't blame her for leaving. To be honest, I would probably seek therapy! Then what is your problem? Are you suggesting that every act that you find acceptable or stimulating should be something that everyone enjoys?
dpr Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Read both these posts. They're conflicting. What? I don't see what you're getting at. It's important but it doesn't define a relationship. BUT IT IS STILL VERY IMPORTANT. I would do anything to make my partner happy, but if he/she didn't reciprocate this, I would find a new partner. Not as a punishment, but because we would not be compatible. What is so wrong with that?
dpr Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Then what is your problem? Are you suggesting that every act that you find acceptable or stimulating should be something that everyone enjoys? No, I'm suggesting that too many people dismiss things before trying them as being "too weird" or "too kinky" and create a sheltered little box of a sex life for themselves and their partners! And that the more "boundaries" you have, the least likely it is that your partner is going to be satisfied by you. Does this not make sense? Again, do you like the idea of hooking up with a man who has an unexplained hatred of cunnilingus, deep kissing, missionary position and foreplay? Does this sound like fun to you? Where do you draw the "boundary line?" And this goes for MEN and WOMEN!
nittygritty Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 No, I'm suggesting that too many people dismiss things before trying them as being "too weird" or "too kinky" and create a sheltered little box of a sex life for themselves and their partners! And that the more "boundaries" you have, the least likely it is that your partner is going to be satisfied by you. Does this not make sense? Again, do you like the idea of hooking up with a man who has an unexplained hatred of cunnilingus, deep kissing, missionary position and foreplay? Does this sound like fun to you? Where do you draw the "boundary line?" And this goes for MEN and WOMEN! I draw the line if the guy's bisexual and likes ejaculating in people's faces and/or if he likes ejaculating in his own face (or a mirror) when he masturbates.
Storyrider Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 And that the more "boundaries" you have, the least likely it is that your partner is going to be satisfied by you. Does this not make sense? Not necessarily, because you're assuming that variety and repertoire = sexual satisfaction, when for some people, that is not the case. It's like the difference between going to a restaurant with a huge menu and lots of exotic foods, versus the place that has a few perfect dishes that just *do* it for you. Do you like the idea of hooking up with a man who has an unexplained hatred of cunnilingus, deep kissing, missionary position and foreplay? Does this sound like fun to you? Where do you draw the "boundary line?" And this goes for MEN and WOMEN! Yes, where does one draw distinctions in terms of sexual acts? Here are some ideas: --As for deep kissing, it is more intimate than intercourse itself, according to many: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t143032 --Missionary position is the easiest one for maintaining eye contact with, and kissing, your partner. Sure, it would be limiting as the only position, but you can't beat it for intimacy. (There are other positions I really like too, depending on my mood.) --Foreplay. This is so broad, but again, a necessity for building a feeling of intimacy before intercourse. --Cunnilingus is in a separate category from the other acts you named, IMO, geared towards stimulation and pleasure, but not, by definition, personal intimacy. (There is something about being able to look into your partner's eyes and touch/kiss his face, which is of course, impossible with cunnilingus.) Call me nuts, but to me it feels a bit like the person has gone away. Not that I don't enjoy the sensations associated with it, but I start to miss him after a while. I'm thinking, "Come back up here so I can see you and be near you." --Cum in the face. Well, this is really not a good vehicle for a melting together, merging of souls sort of moment. Also, what does it mean? It actually doesn't provide physical pleasure, in the strictest sense, for either party, so it must be psychological. So what is the psychology that causes it to be pleasurable for someone? Does it emphasize closeness or distance?
Trialbyfire Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 What? I don't see what you're getting at. It's important but it doesn't define a relationship. BUT IT IS STILL VERY IMPORTANT. I would do anything to make my partner happy, but if he/she didn't reciprocate this, I would find a new partner. Not as a punishment, but because we would not be compatible. What is so wrong with that? I believe I previously mentioned that it was your perogative to do so. For me personally, I would consider it a shallow thing to narrow down priorities to one specific sexual act and consider it a dealbreaker. No, I'm suggesting that too many people dismiss things before trying them as being "too weird" or "too kinky" and create a sheltered little box of a sex life for themselves and their partners! And that the more "boundaries" you have, the least likely it is that your partner is going to be satisfied by you. Does this not make sense? Again, do you like the idea of hooking up with a man who has an unexplained hatred of cunnilingus, deep kissing, missionary position and foreplay? Does this sound like fun to you? Where do you draw the "boundary line?" And this goes for MEN and WOMEN! My partners haven't ever complained about the variety we've both enjoyed. Based on their enthusiastic responses, I think they were pretty happy.... The secret is to find someone who matches you in most ways, of which one is sexual compatibility as a generic blanket. I found men who were high-drive who allowed sexual acts to flow naturally between us. There were no demands to do anything specific. We found ways to please each other. I didn't need to stuff dildos up their arses to stimulate them.
Adunaphel Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Well, given my culinary notions, you might find that preferable. Speaking of culinary notions, I've been seriously wondering for a while whether male ejaculate would look, and taste, like egg-whitey when whipped or fried in a pan. Too bad I dumped my ex bf before I could find out for myself, since he said he'd not be at all offended (just amused) if I did such an experiment with his fluid. Has any LS tried, by chance? If so, could you share the story? On an equally serious note, I am following this thread with great interest - I used to think that people who enjoy to experiment would be the first ones to understand other people's boundaries. Perhaps being curious and experimentative does not necessarily equals beng open-minded. Also, I think that I'd be turned off by someone who has no boundaries at all (even if we take dead people and horses out of the equation) - imo knowing that there are some lines that won't be crossed will make other things more erotic and more interesting. (but hey, I'm probably a bit of a perv soo my opinion does not count much).
Author Taramere Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 uhh.. Hi? have you been ****ing READING this thread? Yes! according to most of you know-it-alls on here, I'm a control freak who wants to break my gf mentally so that I can keep her in a cage and cum on her all day! Perhaps I wasn't reading the thread as carefully as I thought. I missed that bit. Imaginary, my ass... read some of Nemo's gems of wisdom! Excuse us for being offended when confronted with the notion that our sexual acts mean we don't love and/or respect each other! If you're confident in your feelings for eachother, why would it matter what a stranger on a message board thinks? Why don't you all go find a homosexual and start talking to them about how their love is wrong, and they are all abominations? Well....there's a friend I could call about that I suppose. He's funny (in small doses) when he throws a temper tantrum. It's as though someone gave him a step by step guide on how to conform to all the gay stereotypes, and he gets into that whole drama queen thing. Now you're going to offend me by saying that it's unacceptably degrading for me to tease him about his sexuality and that I don't really love him. You said early on that there are often elements of degradation in certain sex acts - but the moment anyone concurs with that, you throw a wobbly. I'm still trying to work out the logic there. Some people don't mind a bit of playful degradation, others are less amenable to it. Think of it as being a little like the differences in people's responses to message board teasing and arguments. Some people see it as fun, others get pretty angry - most people probably swither in their views according to the mood they're in and the level of humiliation or hostility they perceive as being dished out to them. Potentially the whole thing about degradation in sex, how people feel about it (pro, anti, mixed) and a bit of analysis about why they feel the way they do could be an interesting subject....but not on a forum where black and white thinking is so prevalent that it's ascribed to everyone who posts here. Regardless of how they actually perceive things.
Author Taramere Posted May 27, 2008 Author Posted May 27, 2008 On an equally serious note, I am following this thread with great interest - I used to think that people who enjoy to experiment would be the first ones to understand other people's boundaries. Perhaps being curious and experimentative does not necessarily equals beng open-minded. I think people who are experimental by nature are generally pretty open-minded in most aspects whether that involves discussion, taking an interest in other cultures or trying out a variety of experiences. But that can get boring. Which is when you need a bit of variety in the laid back, open minded approach: "Screw you for suggesting I'm anything other than chilled out and laid back. Repressed f*cks. I slapped my girlfriend's butt cheeks last night then poured a glass of Buckfast wine over them. LOL. You fascists probably want to incarcerate me for that. Well I don't care what you think, because I'm a free spirit. Live and let live, that's my motto you bastard swine. Why can't you just be a bit more open minded and try some new things out?" PS. Update for drp. I spoke to my friend. He doesn't like anyone to come on his face as he likes to be in charge. He also thinks golden showers are "disgusting" (unsolicited opinion - conveyed with an expression of horror combined with glee and a roar of laughter...make of that what you will). I did let him know that his repressed attitude gives a poor impression of the gay community, but apparently he's not giving a sh*te because no f*cker is pissing on him.
Storyrider Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Live and let live, that's my motto you bastard swine. Why can't you just be a bit more open minded and try some new things out?" PS. Update for drp. I spoke to my friend. He doesn't like anyone to come on his face as he likes to be in charge. He also thinks golden showers are "disgusting" (unsolicited opinion - conveyed with an expression of horror combined with glee and a roar of laughter...make of that what you will). I did let him know that his repressed attitude gives a poor impression of the gay community, but apparently he's not giving a sh*te because no f*cker is pissing on him. Isn't it amazing how actual, real people can have such a variety of preferences and still enjoy sex? Tan's favorite poetic form, the haiku, comes to mind. Limited form. Limitless, fertile possibilities.
dpr Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I draw the line if the guy's bisexual and likes ejaculating in people's faces and/or if he likes ejaculating in his own face (or a mirror) when he masturbates. hehe... "well then WE... are on two different wave... lengths..."
dpr Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Not necessarily, because you're assuming that variety and repertoire = sexual satisfaction, when for some people, that is not the case. It's like the difference between going to a restaurant with a huge menu and lots of exotic foods, versus the place that has a few perfect dishes that just *do* it for you. Yes, where does one draw distinctions in terms of sexual acts? Here are some ideas: --As for deep kissing, it is more intimate than intercourse itself, according to many: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t143032 --Missionary position is the easiest one for maintaining eye contact with, and kissing, your partner. Sure, it would be limiting as the only position, but you can't beat it for intimacy. (There are other positions I really like too, depending on my mood.) --Foreplay. This is so broad, but again, a necessity for building a feeling of intimacy before intercourse. --Cunnilingus is in a separate category from the other acts you named, IMO, geared towards stimulation and pleasure, but not, by definition, personal intimacy. (There is something about being able to look into your partner's eyes and touch/kiss his face, which is of course, impossible with cunnilingus.) Call me nuts, but to me it feels a bit like the person has gone away. Not that I don't enjoy the sensations associated with it, but I start to miss him after a while. I'm thinking, "Come back up here so I can see you and be near you." --Cum in the face. Well, this is really not a good vehicle for a melting together, merging of souls sort of moment. Also, what does it mean? It actually doesn't provide physical pleasure, in the strictest sense, for either party, so it must be psychological. So what is the psychology that causes it to be pleasurable for someone? Does it emphasize closeness or distance? Well, there you have it everyone. The be all, end all. I thought any and every sex act in the world had the possibility of bringing two people closer together, but I guess I'm "wrong." I'm not sure what causes it to be pleasurable, I've never sat down and analyzed it, or any other sexual act I enjoy for that matter. Incidentally, watching your partner do a striptease for you doesn't provide physical pleasure either, but I would wager most people would refer to that as an intimate sexual act.
Storyrider Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 Well, there you have it everyone. The be all, end all. I thought any and every sex act in the world had the possibility of bringing two people closer together, but I guess I'm "wrong." I'm not sure what causes it to be pleasurable, I've never sat down and analyzed it, or any other sexual act I enjoy for that matter. Incidentally, watching your partner do a striptease for you doesn't provide physical pleasure either, but I would wager most people would refer to that as an intimate sexual act. I never intended my post as the "be all end all." I was just describing my own personal feelings on the matter. Take what is useful to you and leave the rest.
Nemo Posted May 27, 2008 Posted May 27, 2008 I'm not sure what causes it to be pleasurable, Of course, it all depends on the motivation. If one has the deep-seated need to demean and dominate another by sliming their testicular secretions all over their partner's passively-unwilling face, then that will probably be pleasurable to the one doing the smearing. Such humiliation is easily justified by self-righteously exclaiming, "You should enjoy it because I do!", as you pile on the indignities in reckless abandon. Usually the dominator is compensating for some shortcoming in their life, and the only way for them to cope with their reality is to distort it through emotional blackmail. Sadly, they are not only fooling themselves.
inloveandhurt Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 No, I would not like it at all. Would a guy like it if I menstruated on his face? I think not.
Citizen Erased Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 No, I would not like it at all. Would a guy like it if I menstruated on his face? I think not. :lmao: Hilarious.
dpr Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 No, I would not like it at all. Would a guy like it if I menstruated on his face? I think not. It is certainly possible there are guys out there who might like that. Just because you think it's disgusting, doesn't mean it's impossible that someone else would be turned on by it.
dpr Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Of course, it all depends on the motivation. If one has the deep-seated need to demean and dominate another by sliming their testicular secretions all over their partner's passively-unwilling face, then that will probably be pleasurable to the one doing the smearing. Such humiliation is easily justified by self-righteously exclaiming, "You should enjoy it because I do!", as you pile on the indignities in reckless abandon. Usually the dominator is compensating for some shortcoming in their life, and the only way for them to cope with their reality is to distort it through emotional blackmail. Sadly, they are not only fooling themselves. So when my girlfriend smears her vaginal secretions all over my mouth while I go down on her, she is compensating for some shortcoming in her life? I'll ask it again, Nemo. Where should a man be allowed to cum? And whatever place you think is allowable... why is it not a "degrading place"?
Teacher's Pet Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 No, I would not like it at all. Would a guy like it if I menstruated on his face? I think not. Aww, what's the big deal? I have more red wings than the Stanley Cup. -tp ewwwwwwwwww (but admit it, you laughed)
dpr Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I found it that most men love it. Talk to a black guy one day lol
dpr Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 I've already told you that if my partner didn't want to give oral, it would be okay with me. Btw, sodomy is illegal in many jurisdictions... Again, what if your partner didn't prefer to kiss you during sex, or at all. Would that be a problem for you? And yes, I am well aware of the sodomy laws. I wasn't citing the illegality of necrophilia, bestiality and auto-asphyxiation as proof that they are bad or wrong. I just find it funny that you chose three illegal acts to compare to someone being ejaculated on. I also should have mentioned that one partner ejaculating on another is a "mutual consent" situation (hopefully, it should be), whereas necrophilia and bestiality both involve an unwilling party (i.e. the dead guy and the goat), and auto-asphyxiation can KILL YOU. All very fair comparisons to cum on one's face, I must say.
nittygritty Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Again, what if your partner didn't prefer to kiss you during sex, or at all. Would that be a problem for you? And yes, I am well aware of the sodomy laws. I wasn't citing the illegality of necrophilia, bestiality and auto-asphyxiation as proof that they are bad or wrong. I just find it funny that you chose three illegal acts to compare to someone being ejaculated on. I also should have mentioned that one partner ejaculating on another is a "mutual consent" situation (hopefully, it should be), whereas necrophilia and bestiality both involve an unwilling party (i.e. the dead guy and the goat), and auto-asphyxiation can KILL YOU. All very fair comparisons to cum on one's face, I must say. As fas as I know, there hasn't been any studies to prove that ejaculating on someone's face can't kill people. What if one of the people involved has an undiagnosed fatal heart condition? What if the guy is HIV positive and he ejaculates on an open facial blemish or wound? Unless you have some safety statistics to support your argument then I think that it's only fair to compare ejaculating on a person's face to necrophilia and auto-asphyxiation.
Storyrider Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 an unwilling party, i.e. the dead guy Somehow, I don't think the dead guy would mind. Do you remember the story about the two men in Europe a few years back who made a consensual arrangement based on their cannibalistic sexual fantasies? One wanted to eat a human and the other guy wanted to be eaten. They carried out their fantasy. The eater then went on trial for murder, but in our modern age of anything goes, the consensual aspect of the act made it almost impossible to prosecute him. Here is a very funny editorial, btw, on the philosophical implications. http://www.city-journal.org/html/eon_01_05_04td.html
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 So let me get this straight... in setting your special little boundaries in your head, you would actually lump cumming on your partner's face (or receiving it on the face, whatever) in with necrophelia, bestiality and auto-asphyxiation, all of which are illegal. Again, what if your partner didn't prefer to kiss you during sex, or at all. Would that be a problem for you? And yes, I am well aware of the sodomy laws. I wasn't citing the illegality of necrophilia, bestiality and auto-asphyxiation as proof that they are bad or wrong. I just find it funny that you chose three illegal acts to compare to someone being ejaculated on. I also should have mentioned that one partner ejaculating on another is a "mutual consent" situation (hopefully, it should be), whereas necrophilia and bestiality both involve an unwilling party (i.e. the dead guy and the goat), and auto-asphyxiation can KILL YOU. All very fair comparisons to cum on one's face, I must say. Once again, conflict in posts. This isn't about equity. It's about preference. No one has to reciprocate the exact same act, just like if one partner prefers to cook, the other partner must enjoy it too and reciprocate, in identical fashion. I prefer to and enjoy cooking. My partners have always preferred to clean up because they prefer me to cook. If you NEED equity, this seems pretty equitable to me. If one partner NEEDS to ejaculate somewhere besides the vagina, he can ejaculate on her feet, if it turns them both on. Why must one partner ejaculate somewhere, that she doesn't prefer? Freedom of choice and preference. No one NEEDS to allow anyone to do anything to their body that they don't enjoy doing.
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