Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Facial semen slimers have a need to dominate their partners, whether they admit to it, or not. There's nothing "loving" about such behaviour. Sure, a partner may agree to it, and even enjoy it, because they have similar issues related to being dominated. Two wrongs don't make a right. Taking advantage of a person's lack of respect for themselves is as far removed from love as anything can get.
Ariadne Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Well, yes, if it THAT important to him. I think we are looking at the tree and missing the forest in this discussion. Well, some girls like some stuff, some are uptight. People don't change.
marlena Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 He isn't focusing on one aspect. Not really. If you read his posts carefully, he is only sayng that two people who love eachother should want to please one another. At least, this is how I interpreted his posts. Besides who is to say whether or not it is "obsessive" or "right" to focus on one sexual aspect or not? To some, it may seem silly but to others it may not. For some people, not practising fellatio or cunnilingus is a deal-breaker. Should we judge them for this? Heck, no. It is their prerogative as long as they do not force it onto their partner.
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Okay, I'll accept that interpretation. Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. To bring up my past marriage once again, we were incredibly compatible, in both drive and preferences. Having said that, there were other issues, which I won't get into within this thread. I guess you could say that it's an example how sex isn't the most important element in a relationship, although it's also a priority. It's just not the sole priority to define whether you leave or remain in a relationship, especially if it's been reduced to participating or not participating in particular sexual acts. I'm sorry about your marriage, that has to be really hard on both of you. And of course sex is not the sole deciding factor on whether you stay with a person, but it is important IMO. What really sucks is that it seems that two people can be compatible in every way under the sun, and then over the years they change. Their drive changes as well as what turns them on, and it can be hard if both partners' changes don't "jive" so to speak. It's one of the reasons I have a hard time accepting the idea of marriage. Monogamy is crazy enough as it is! lol A friend of my brother's who he works with has been married for 4 years. Before he and his wife married everything was great in bed, according to him. Then after they had their first child, she just wasn't into it anymore. Eventually she just flat out refused to have sex with him, and for the last 2 and a half years, they haven't so much as hugged each other. I suggested they go to counselling (thinking it may be post-partum depression since it coinciding with the child being born) but she won't go. He has asked her about counselling but she refuses to talk about it with a counsellor or with him. Sometimes, when he goes out drinking with us, he asks me to tell him about things my gf and I have done (I guess because we both tend to make a lot of sexual jokes). He is catholic and does not want to get a divorce (half because of the "sanctity of marriage" deal and the other half because he doesn't want to traumatize his kid). He once asked if he should go to a hooker and I didn't know what to say. I don't know why I wrote this, I guess you reminded me of him with the story of your marriage. I feel so bad for both of them. Obviously she has some sort of problem with intimacy that she doesn't want to discuss and it's possible that he may have done something to cause this, maybe it's from her childhood, who knows. But he is in this relationship, and they are both obviously very unhappy. But they'll probably stay together forever. I wouldn't wish this relationship on anyone. Really, who pictures their lives ending up like that? For what it's worth, at least you both decided you aren't right for each other. At least you tried to work things out and concluded you can't. My friend and his wife aren't even trying! Very sad. This is why I think people should be open with each other and not embarrassed to discuss what they like, because who wants to end up with an "okay" sex life instead of the one you really want?
Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Well, some girls like some stuff, some are uptight. What you really meant to say was that some girls have self-respect. And they demand respect from their partners.
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Facial semen slimers have a need to dominate their partners, whether they admit to it, or not. There's nothing "loving" about such behaviour. Sure, a partner may agree to it, and even enjoy it, because they have similar issues related to being dominated. Two wrongs don't make a right. Taking advantage of a person's lack of respect for themselves is as far removed from love as anything can get. Yeah because love and sex are one and the same, right? Because if you love your partner you can't lust them right? Because that would be a sin? I guess all girls who like doggy style sex secretly want to be dogs because of their lack of respect for themselves? I have never been molested, nor has my gf and we both love and respect each other, whether it's alright with you or not. You are a ****ing idiot.
Ariadne Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 If you read his posts carefully, he is only sayng that two people who love eachother should want to please one another. At least, this is how I interpreted his posts. No, I didn't interpret it like that. More like, if someone is unsatisfied most likely he'll leave or be frustrated. But that he didn't see any parts of sexuality as disgusting, or controlling, or evil. Well, more or less... Btw, I don't agree with that statement that one should please the other. People should do things sexually out of enjoyment.
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 If you refer to most people's stance on having someone cum in their faces, most are saying that they don't like it or don't prefer it. It doesn't mean that anyone is saying that it's an act that no one should do or enjoy doing. The members who are negating this stance, are suggesting there's something wrong with not wanting to do something that you don't want to do, alluding to other members being uptight or not sexually experimental enough. If judgments are being passed, it's with the latter crowd.
marlena Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 People should do things sexually out of enjoyment. The greatest enjoyment one can get is pleasing one's partner IMO. To me, this is what builds passion and creates an even deeper bond.
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 What you really meant to say was that some girls have self-respect. And they demand respect from their partners. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Fasten that belt tight, you don't want your boy to "disrespect" you while you're sleeping right? A lot of S&M-lovers have told me that they find a great deal of trust and respect in their sexual encounters with their loved ones. That being tied up and "degraded" is a way for both partners to explore their fears together, thereby strengthening their bond with each other, allowing themselves to trust their partners more. But I guess if you don't trust your man to "fake degrade" you without "truly degrading" you, then I feel sorry for you. But then again, we're all crazy because we don't have "normal" sex like you. Right?
nittygritty Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Facial semen slimers have a need to dominate their partners, whether they admit to it, or not. There's nothing "loving" about such behaviour. Sure, a partner may agree to it, and even enjoy it, because they have similar issues related to being dominated. Two wrongs don't make a right. Taking advantage of a person's lack of respect for themselves is as far removed from love as anything can get. Either that or they are premature ejaculators. Neither is very pleasurable for their partners, IMO.
Ariadne Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 What you really meant to say was that some girls have self-respect. And they demand respect from their partners. Well, I'd have a problem in the case a person is doing someone bodily harm, say, mutilation, choking, or putting someone's life or health in danger. I guess that's where self-respect would step in the bedroom for me.
Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The greatest enjoyment one can get is pleasing one's partner IMO. To me, this is what builds passion and creates an even deeper bond. Precisely. That's why the controlling person shouldn't be sliming the face of somebody who has told them that they don't enjoy it. Obviously you must be one of these people who can't see things from an other person's point of view. Sadly, such people are almost always the controlling ones, and are very good at fooling themselves to justify their own controlling behaviour.
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Imagine it this way. "While you satisfy me in every other sexual way, I'm leaving you because you won't let me cum on your face." Or (for a female who really likes being eaten out)... "While you satisfy me sexually in every other way, I'm leaving you because you won't give me cunnilingus?" Or (for a foot fetishist) "I'm leaving you because you won't let me suck on your toes." If it's very important to you sexually, then why would you hook up with a person who hates it?
Ariadne Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The greatest enjoyment one can get is pleasing one's partner IMO. To me, this is what builds passion and creates an even deeper bond. Yeah, I'm like that too
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 No, I feel this is obsessive behaviour to focus on only one aspect of sexuality to define a good relationship. This singular act is the tree. I have never focused on this one aspect, I'm just using it as an example because it happens to be something that me and my partner both enjoy. I don't think I would leave her if she had a problem with facials, because (luckily for me) it's not my most favorite thing in the whole world. Probably my most favorite sexual act would be doggy style. So if my current partner had a problem with this, like she really hated that position. Then yes, I might consider leaving! (How dare I, right?) Much like I'm sure my gf would consider leaving me if I hated going down on her.
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The greatest enjoyment one can get is pleasing one's partner IMO. To me, this is what builds passion and creates an even deeper bond. Well said.
Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 The greatest enjoyment one can get is pleasing one's partner IMO. To me, this is what builds passion and creates an even deeper bond. Yeah, I'm like that too It's great when one partner can sacrifice their self-respect to please the other. It works well where one partner is a control freak, and likes to dominate. For most people, however, mutual respect is a necessary part of an ongoing relationship. Sure, dysfunctional relationships work, too, but they fall so far short of their real potential. And that potential is something worth working for.
Trialbyfire Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 I have never focused on this one aspect, I'm just using it as an example because it happens to be something that me and my partner both enjoy. I don't think I would leave her if she had a problem with facials, because (luckily for me) it's not my most favorite thing in the whole world. Probably my most favorite sexual act would be doggy style. So if my current partner had a problem with this, like she really hated that position. Then yes, I might consider leaving! (How dare I, right?) Much like I'm sure my gf would consider leaving me if I hated going down on her. Where if I had a partner that didn't enjoy oral, I wouldn't leave him or attempt to force him into doing it. There are a million other ways he could please me. There are a million ways for me to pleasure my man, without having to take it in the face. To me, sex is such a natural act. Two people who care about each other naturally develop a compatible style for mutual enjoyment. When both parties are naturally doing what they enjoy doing, totally relaxed about it, is when you have phenomenal sex.
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Once again, derision towards personal preferences. Not everyone wants to take it up the ass. Just like not everyone wants to take it in the face. That you're bisexual could be something I could easily make fun of, but what does that accomplish? Nothing. Yeah yeah, I wake up every morning and flip a coin, I've heard them all before. What I don't understand is how you can prefer or not prefer something, when you've never tried it?
Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 To me, sex is such a natural act. Two people who care about each other naturally develop a compatible style for mutual enjoyment. When both parties are naturally doing what they enjoy doing, totally relaxed about it, is when you have phenomenal sex. Yeah, I'm like that too
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 It's great when one partner can sacrifice their self-respect to please the other. It works well where one partner is a control freak, and likes to dominate. For most people, however, mutual respect is a necessary part of an ongoing relationship. Sure, dysfunctional relationships work, too, but they fall so far short of their real potential. And that potential is something worth working for. Wow you should be a shrink instead of an e-shrink. It's amazing how you can know so much about our relationship without ever having met us. Maybe a woman who dismisses her man's advances because they don't fit in with her imagined ideas of what constitutes "respectful sex" could be construed as a control freak. Have you ever thought of that? No, no, attempting to stifle your partner's desires is totally healthy. I'm sure you are great in bed.
marlena Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 Two people who care about each other naturally develop a compatible style for mutual enjoyment. No, unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. Two people can care for eachother a great deal and not be sexually compatible.
Nemo Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 What I don't understand is how you can prefer or not prefer something, when you've never tried it? Hey, have you ever tried putting one of your appendages into an automatic pencil sharpener? Maybe you would like me to throw a pie in your face. What fun! For me, anyway!!
dpr Posted May 26, 2008 Posted May 26, 2008 No, unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. Two people can care for eachother a great deal and not be sexually compatible. It is kind of sad that this commonly-known fact had to be pointed out to you people.
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