lovehimstill Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 so my bf for the past 10 months whom i basically lived with told me to leave his apt 4 days ago. He helped me move all my things to my house and told me that we needed a break from each other. I understand how he feels since he never gets time to be alone because hes either at work or with me. I want to give him space but this time apart is killing me. The first night without him was sleepless and now the 4th night isn't that much better. I wish he couldve just told me he needed space and we could have worked through it rather than just randomly kicking me out. I did 3 days of NC, which is quite possibly the hardest thing to do in the entire world. Yesterday I sent him a text asking how he was, he wrote back right away and said he was okay. He told me that we should take it easy for a while and let time do its thing, that we should take a break and see what happens. I asked if he thought that after spending some time apart there was a good chance that we would get back together? He replied, "I think so but I can't really say" What does that mean? I am going crazy, I miss him so much, I can't stop thinking about him. What should I do? Please help:(
TheFonz Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Well there's not really much you can do but wait it out. Maybe if you went out with some other guys to get your mind off of it. It's possible he will contact you and won't to see you again but he might not.
Trimmer Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I think you should have a firm discussion with him as to what "take a break" means to him, as it is probably one of the most ill-defined concepts in relationships. If he wants to "take a break" then have him explain what his parameters are. Contact or no contact? Dates with others or not? Deadline, or open-ended? You are probably feeling like you have to be really careful now, so you don't "drive him away" and lose him. However, I think it's to your benefit to be strong and clear about your expectations, and wanting to know his. Essentially you need to convey: OK, you want "space," I'll give it to you. But I don't want to waste my time if this is just a wimpy way to break up, so we need to agree as to what our boundaries are during this "break." Don't let him turn it back around on you. If he starts getting defensive or accusatory, just reiterate that he's the one who unilaterally initiated the break, so he's the one who needs to go first in explaining what his concept is. Incidentally, I would give the same advice to a person of either gender who got "kicked out" in this same situation. Either way, my bottom line is that the "kicker" owes an explanation sufficient for the "kickee" to make a decision as to whether to wait around or move on.
Author lovehimstill Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 Thanks for the replies. Im here in my bed at 3am almost in tears. In response to advice to ask him to define the break, I already did through texts yesterday. I asked him how long he wanted to not see each other, if we would speak during the break, if he would start seeing other people and how taking a break was any different than breaking up...to all of those q's, this is what he answered: "rebecca...I don't plan on seeing anyone else. Why do you always have to ask how long? Just have some patience and let time do its thing" In an earlier message from that same conversation he said, "dont think you did anything wrong, you know i can be a little bitch sometimes" This is so hard for me, i feel like the only reason i havent completely fallen apart is because i really do think there is a good chance of us being together again. Am i wrong for feeling that way? Does he sound like hes just trying to end it politely? How long do you think he needs? Ive reinstated NC because i think he really needs time to himself right now, but i dont know how long i can live like this, not knowing is the worst!
cyabye Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 (edited) Your boyfriend just became your ex-boyfriend. Sorry. He is trying to let you down easy (in the most BS cowardly way). He's probably into someone else and that's why he gave you the boot. "Needs space" means stringing you along to do what I want and if it doesn't work out I can go back to you. If I was you, I would initiate NO CONTACT and give him "his space" permantely. It's time for you to accept it's OVER and move on with your life. Hope this helps, cyabye Edited April 8, 2008 by cyabye
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