Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 Is he of your same age range, or is this someone who's of a different generation possibly? Just wondering as sometimes that can change the mindset of how they approach dating... We're in the same age range. He is, however, from the Mid-West and has only been in California for 3 years. I don't mean to imply that Mid-Westerners are super conservative or anything, but they do seem to have better values when it comes to relationships than do us uber-free spirited Californians. He's honestly a gentleman.
AriaIncognito Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 This brings me to a tangential issue: I am one who wants someone to long for me, crave me, desire me. As for this dude, I'm not sure that is reasonable given how new the relationship is, ya know? On an objective scale, his behavior and feelings are likely on par with the "normal" progression of a relationship... but that's not what I want. That's probably something that needs to change too. I can totally relate to that. I think I've got a little of that going on, where I want to be chased or longed for or whatever, and well, I dont know when that's supposed to occur in the dating world. I've never really "dated" I've seemingly fallen from 1 long term relationship to another, so this is honestly my first real experience with the 'casual' thing. Not sure if it's my style, but I'm trying it on to see.... After a handful of dates I would have expected to have made out for hours with the dude, at least with prior boyfriends that was the case, but that's the thing, they were almost all instantly BFs, so I really don't know... I feel your confusion, S_G
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 This brings me to a tangential issue: I am one who wants someone to long for me, crave me, desire me. As for this dude, I'm not sure that is reasonable given how new the relationship is, ya know? On an objective scale, his behavior and feelings are likely on par with the "normal" progression of a relationship... but that's not what I want. That's probably something that needs to change too. I don't really think what you want is unreasonable. To be honest, in the start of relationships, I used to get that feeling from guys all the time. I loved it, and thought it was great. I'd love to find that again!
AriaIncognito Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 We're in the same age range. He is, however, from the Mid-West and has only been in California for 3 years. I don't mean to imply that Mid-Westerners are super conservative or anything, but they do seem to have better values when it comes to relationships than do us uber-free spirited Californians. He's honestly a gentleman. I can see where this would totally change things. Men from non-coastal areas tend to be a lot different than the ones on the coasts. People in general are. To be honest, I kinda wish I could meet someone from there, and move to a coast with them, because well, the men down south, they love me. The men in my area, sure some might look, but my physical "type" is far more accepted in other areas. I say just go with it. As long as you don't drive yourself insane with all the role playing you can do in your head (which I've totally been doing with the whole kissing thing. humina. man i must be horny) I say see where it goes. What's the worst that can happen? It could not progress and you could move onto the next one. Maybe give yourself a time frame, say if it's not moving forward in X time, that you'll either have 'the talk' or move on....
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I just must be really horny. At the same time, I'm relieved that we haven't done the deed. Sex and emotional attachment are inextricably linked for me. Keeping sex out of is definitely helping me see him with a clear vision.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I'd like to speak for the mid-westerners. Don't rush to think that men have better values. At least not here in WI. I found that the majority of men that I've been in a relationship with or seriously dated are origionally from the south or east. And I love all the gentlemen like stuff. There's a lot of heavy drinkers here looking for "fun". Not all of them are like that, but a good percentage.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I just must be really horny. At the same time, I'm relieved that we haven't done the deed. Sex and emotional attachment are inextricably linked for me. Keeping sex out of is definitely helping me see him with a clear vision. I have had the same problem with sex in the past. I grow attatched a lot quicker, but I have a hard time waiting more then a few months for it. When I was young, and didn't want to be in a relationship, I just found a sex partner to be with, to give me a short term fix of an emotional attatchment.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I'd like to speak for the mid-westerners. Don't rush to think that men have better values. At least not here in WI. There's a lot of heavy drinkers here looking for "fun". Not all of them are like that, but a good percentage. Hahahahaaaa!!! Okay, perhaps I stand corrected.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Hahahahaaaa!!! Okay, perhaps I stand corrected. I think the real difference is we aren't quite as fast paced and cultured. A lot of the hard core life issues aren't there as much as if you were to live on the east or west coast. I think yeah, you could view us as more reserved in some aspects, but mainly in things we don't experience as much of as other areas. When I was with my ex from the east coast, he had talked about things like DUI check points?? I was like are you serious? Yet I swear we are one of the heaviest drinking states there is. He tells me you can buy alcohol till like 3 or 4 in the morning anywhere that sells it, stores stop selling it here by 9 (some go counties allow till 12 for beer).
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I think the real difference is we aren't quite as fast paced and cultured. A lot of the hard core life issues aren't there as much as if you were to live on the east or west coast. I think yeah, you could view us as more reserved in some aspects, but mainly in things we don't experience as much of as other areas. When I was with my ex from the east coast, he had talked about things like DUI check points?? I was like are you serious? Yet I swear we are one of the heaviest drinking states there is. He tells me you can buy alcohol till like 3 or 4 in the morning anywhere that sells it, stores stop selling it here by 9 (some go counties allow till 12 for beer). I see what you're saying. He does seem a little... innocent (?) about certain things. And yeah... DUI checkpoints are pretty much standard operating procedure for the cops out here.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 BTW - apparently as I was starting this thread he was attempting to begin a text-conversation with me. I responded, he responded, then I attempted to flirt and drop not-so-subtle hints, and now... silence. Jeeezus.
Trialbyfire Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Your best option is to continue living EXACTLY like you did before you met him. If he's interested and he's more than a wimp he will pursue you with vigor. If he's not interested or if he's scared for some reason you simply don't need him in your life. Don't even think about the dude. Let him do the work and you stay open to more options. Star, this is good advice. Don't let this guy play you.
Lookingforward Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I believe they are referring to "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. It's a decent book. It makes a lot of good points. The emphasis being, if someone is "into you" they are doing whatever it takes to get you. Be it calling, going out, whatever. and if you read that one, then also get 'Be honest, you're not that into him either' by Amy Sohn....it's an eyeopener - the subtitle is "raise your standards" LOL
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