Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 (edited) ...but honestly aren't sure if he's just cautious/slow/a gentleman/busy/waiting for you to make a move, and/or you're just over-analyzing/assuming the worst too quickly, what do you do? (1) Move on, silently? (2) Gently inquire if you're correct? (3) Some other option? I'm so impatient, and I need to keep my ego in check before I act rashly. Edited April 8, 2008 by Star Gazer
Marin Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Option a. He knows how to get a hold of you. My rule of thumb is if you have to ask, he's probably not that into you.
audrey_1 Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I've been moving on somewhat silently. Not sure what else to do other than give it the time he needs until I decide it no longer works for me.
johan Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 ...but honestly aren't sure if he's just cautious/slow/a gentleman/busy/waiting for you to make a move, and/or you're just over-analyzing/assuming the worst too quickly, what do you do? (1) Move on, silently? (2) Gently inquire if you're correct? (3) Some other option? I'm so impatient, and I need to keep my ego in check before I act rashly. You could make a move. You should be willing to make one or two before you give up on him.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 If I'm wondering, I start out trying to figure out, ask certain questions with out coming across aggressive, if I still can't put it together, I go for option b - It's tough because I hate to come on to strong to quick, but I don't want to waste my time or his either
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 You could make a move. You should be willing to make one or two before you give up on him. What exactly constitutes a "move" in this situation? I sent him a flirty text today, and didn't get a response. He's never failed to respond before. I've also actually wondered if I may have given him the wrong signals. Here I've been waiting for him to show me some.... RAWR! factor on his end, while I've been just... waiting. Kinda hypocritical, I know.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 If I'm wondering, I start out trying to figure out, ask certain questions with out coming across aggressive, if I still can't put it together, I go for option b - It's tough because I hate to come on to strong to quick, but I don't want to waste my time or his either Okay - what do you ask, exactly? I feel like saying something like, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you and would like to see you again, but I'm not sure the feeling is mutual. I totally understand if you're not up for it, I just thought I'd ask because I'm having difficulty reading the signs. :)" Eh?? I feel like I'm all of 14 right now!
Marin Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I beg you, do NOT do this. If he's into you, you can tell. You don't have to ask. Review the book! Okay - what do you ask, exactly? I feel like saying something like, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you and would like to see you again, but I'm not sure the feeling is mutual. I totally understand if you're not up for it, I just thought I'd ask because I'm having difficulty reading the signs. :)" Eh?? I feel like I'm all of 14 right now!
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Okay - what do you ask, exactly? I feel like saying something like, "I've really enjoyed spending time with you and would like to see you again, but I'm not sure the feeling is mutual. I totally understand if you're not up for it, I just thought I'd ask because I'm having difficulty reading the signs. :)" Eh?? I feel like I'm all of 14 right now! I start off with dropping hints like "I was thinking about do blah blah blah this weekend, or I have tickets for this or that, dropping hints that I'd like to do something, with out straight out asking - and try to read the reaction I get. I've had guys who got really enthusiastic and expressed interest from it while other's didn't get the hint, and some straight up were just like "oh I'm busy". Obviously I pick something I know we share an interest in. If I still can't figure it out, I just end up saying something like - I enjoy hanging out with you, and was wondering if the feeling was mutual - I don't want to waste your time.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I start off with dropping hints like "I was thinking about do blah blah blah this weekend, or I have tickets for this or that, dropping hints that I'd like to do something, with out straight out asking - and try to read the reaction I get. I've had guys who got really enthusiastic and expressed interest from it while other's didn't get the hint, and some straight up were just like "oh I'm busy". Obviously I pick something I know we share an interest in. If I still can't figure it out, I just end up saying something like - I enjoy hanging out with you, and was wondering if the feeling was mutual - I don't want to waste your time. I understand what you're saying and would probably drop hints just as you suggested on my own accord. Problem is, I'd have to get him on the phone first. I have called once over the weekend (although he was out of town) and texted him today with no response. I don't really think I should contact him again, ya know?
Florida Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I understand what you're saying and would probably drop hints just as you suggested on my own accord. Problem is, I'd have to get him on the phone first. I have called once over the weekend (although he was out of town) and texted him today with no response. I don't really think I should contact him again, ya know? Then don't. You are more than enough woman to know that he will come around if you don't. And if he doesn't...he is probably not into girls anyway.
Tony T Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Your best option is to continue living EXACTLY like you did before you met him. If he's interested and he's more than a wimp he will pursue you with vigor. If he's not interested or if he's scared for some reason you simply don't need him in your life. Don't even think about the dude. Let him do the work and you stay open to more options.
AriaIncognito Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 ...but honestly aren't sure if he's just cautious/slow/a gentleman/busy/waiting for you to make a move, and/or you're just over-analyzing/assuming the worst too quickly, what do you do? (1) Move on, silently? (2) Gently inquire if you're correct? (3) Some other option? I'm so impatient, and I need to keep my ego in check before I act rashly. I've been dealing with this as well. The guy I've been seeing, appears to be somewhat of a gentleman. Opens doors, pulls me out of harms way, leads me by the small of my back, etc. So, I wonder if he's slower to do other stuff, or what. The other night when he was leaving he gave me a few pecks on the lips goodbye and I just wanted to rip into him and have at it. I'm going insane lol. He wasnt feeling well, and I knew this, so I didn't really wanna press anything, but I basically blurted out that I wanted him to kiss me for real. So, now I guess we'll see what happens next time we see eachother. I put it out there that I'm hoping for it. Maybe he'll take the lead knowing it's "ok". I dont know. All I know is, I wanna wrestle! lol It's been too long. Gotta exercise my tongue...
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I understand what you're saying and would probably drop hints just as you suggested on my own accord. Problem is, I'd have to get him on the phone first. I have called once over the weekend (although he was out of town) and texted him today with no response. I don't really think I should contact him again, ya know? Oooh well when you add in that info, I'd go with option a. If he happens to call you back, go from there. I hate the waiting and wondering part, it drives me nuts!
johan Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Maybe he's just waiting to get a clear signal that you're interested.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I'm not trying to get off topic, but what is this darn book people keep talking about?? Rules??
AriaIncognito Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I'm not trying to get off topic, but what is this darn book people keep talking about?? Rules?? I believe they are referring to "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. It's a decent book. It makes a lot of good points. The emphasis being, if someone is "into you" they are doing whatever it takes to get you. Be it calling, going out, whatever.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I'm gonna have to look into that, although I can't imagine always going by what a book says (I see some people refer to it like a dating bible, if it's the same book as the others are talking about, or the rules book). Okay done with the off topic question! Sorry!
TheFonz Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I believe they are referring to "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt. It's a decent book. It makes a lot of good points. The emphasis being, if someone is "into you" they are doing whatever it takes to get you. Be it calling, going out, whatever. That would be good advice and true, except a lot of guys learned it's counterproductive to do that so even if they're really into you, they hold back.
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I've been dealing with this as well. The guy I've been seeing, appears to be somewhat of a gentleman. Opens doors, pulls me out of harms way, leads me by the small of my back, etc. So, I wonder if he's slower to do other stuff, or what. The other night when he was leaving he gave me a few pecks on the lips goodbye and I just wanted to rip into him and have at it. I'm going insane lol. He wasnt feeling well, and I knew this, so I didn't really wanna press anything, but I basically blurted out that I wanted him to kiss me for real. So, now I guess we'll see what happens next time we see eachother. I put it out there that I'm hoping for it. Maybe he'll take the lead knowing it's "ok". I dont know. All I know is, I wanna wrestle! lol It's been too long. Gotta exercise my tongue... EXACTLY! I'm totally enjoying the gentlemanly stuff, but I want to "have at it" too! He's been slow moving physically, which I've honestly never experienced before. It leaves me mighty confused!
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 Your best option is to continue living EXACTLY like you did before you met him. If he's interested and he's more than a wimp he will pursue you with vigor. If he's not interested or if he's scared for some reason you simply don't need him in your life. Don't even think about the dude. Let him do the work and you stay open to more options. To continue living exactly like I did before I met him would require me to still lust after, pine for, and daydream about my jerk unemployed ex with the new no-longer preggo GF. But I get your point. I'll live like I did before the ex!!
AriaIncognito Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 That would be good advice and true, except a lot of guys learned it's counterproductive to do that so even if they're really into you, they hold back. I dont think that any 1 book can be used as "fact" as far as emotional relationships go. I think for the most part, the book makes some valid points, but yeah, there are always going to be those guys and gals that vary from the "norm" of which the book is speaking. I think in general though, your intuition tells you whether or not someone is that into you. If you have to ask, more than likely, they aren't as into you as you might want. Which is fine. At that point, you have to decide, ok, in what capacity do I want to keep this person in my life, if at all? I think most of us have that feeling deep down when we know something is "off" about a relationship. We might tend to ignore it in the beginning, or hope it works itself out, but in hindsight we can usually say "yeah, I thought so".
AriaIncognito Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 EXACTLY! I'm totally enjoying the gentlemanly stuff, but I want to "have at it" too! He's been slow moving physically, which I've honestly never experienced before. It leaves me mighty confused! Is he of your same age range, or is this someone who's of a different generation possibly? Just wondering as sometimes that can change the mindset of how they approach dating...
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 EXACTLY! I'm totally enjoying the gentlemanly stuff, but I want to "have at it" too! He's been slow moving physically, which I've honestly never experienced before. It leaves me mighty confused! Me too! Me too! The guy I had just broke it off with, I wanted sex, he didn't. He was okay with everything but sex, but after a while you just wanna go for the gold!
Author Star Gazer Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 I think in general though, your intuition tells you whether or not someone is that into you. If you have to ask, more than likely, they aren't as into you as you might want. Which is fine. At that point, you have to decide, ok, in what capacity do I want to keep this person in my life, if at all? This brings me to a tangential issue: I am one who wants someone to long for me, crave me, desire me. As for this dude, I'm not sure that is reasonable given how new the relationship is, ya know? On an objective scale, his behavior and feelings are likely on par with the "normal" progression of a relationship... but that's not what I want. That's probably something that needs to change too.
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