Eliza80 Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 So my boyfriend and I had been together for nearly four years. He was relo'ed by work to the next state while I finished college (1 year), and when I graduated he asked me to move in with him. I did, but a year and half later things weren't going so well, so I moved out. First we said we'd see other people, but then we never did. (I think we both went on like one date or something.) We said we'd just date each other for a while so we could have more personal space, but that didn't happen. Things just cycled from better to worse, better to worse. Let me just say that we are like best friends now, no matter how bad the fight, I know I could call him anytime to bail me out, and vice versa. Then, about two and a half weeks ago I found out he'd slept with someone else, the day after it happened. When I confronted him he started tearing up and admitted he'd been seeing her for two weeks. After much yelling and crying, I was just devastated. He had said he tried to call me the night before after she left because he felt so guilty, but I missed the call. (I can't say I'd leave a voicemail in that situation either.) He said it was because she made him feel important, she pursued him, and he regretted it. After a few days of cooling off, we talked and wanted to remain friends and see other people-finally give each other the space we agreed we needed a year ago. Did we? No, next thing you know we're back in our old habits. Talk to each other a couple times a day, see each other nearly everyday, and then we started being intimate again...on the condition that he never saw her again. (Which was fine by her, according to him, because he talked about me so much that she didn't want to see him until he 'got over me.") Then I got a call from the guy I had gone out with a couple times when I first moved out. We've hung out a few times since this, and we've only had one quick kiss on the lips. So here's the rub, we both still love each other, but there's a lot of resentment from stuff that happened when we lived together. We can't be around each other too much without having a fight. Neither one of us want to stop having sex, but we still want to see other people. So far, the agreement is that if we meet someone and feel that its getting serious, we'll end our physical relationship with each other. Has anyone gone through this? I mean, I've heard of people agreeing to see other people, but I never understood how it works. Both of us have had a lot of turmoil in our lives (I changed jobs, he lost his, we're both back in college, etc.) and don't really have the time or energy to offer each other any emotional support. Now I feel like we're just using people to fill our emotional needs, and each other for the physical needs. The lines are just so blurry. I've heard that time apart and seeing other people can sometimes strengthen a relationship, but I think its like an urban legend. So has anyone here tried seeing other people, while still seeing the ex, and what happened? Any success? Any failures?
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