Just when you think its over

[stlnsmile]

I have been doing really well for a really long time....but today....today is hard. I don't think its as much about him, as it is everything. But he is wrapped up in everything. My relationship with my parents is strained ever since him, because they were trying to tell me he didn't love me, and I would not listen to them, but I felt they interfered in the relationship too much and thats what caused all the drama, so I'm still fighting with them. I am not going to get to go to the college I wanted to go to, and it makes me feel inadiquate, like I'm prooving bonehead and his parents right all over again. The guy I really like I can't be with right now, and the second guy I sort of like is one of those take it really slow people, which I guess is good, but puts doubts into my head. Also, my ex's sister and father came knocking on my door yesterday, and actually invited me to come and bring my dog to play with there dog at there house.....I mean do they not get that coming to their house for doggie play time and running into my ex and his new gf is the last thing I would want to do......they are soooooooooo cold, I mean I litterally ment nothing to them, nothing at all, a blip on the radar screen of life. I mean it does not occure to them that I would not want to come and why. I'm angry and hurt and confused. Also seeing my ex at school on Friday, he's lost so much weight, can you believe I'm actually worried about that a**, I mean he's got a new gf, let her worry about his health and whether he breaks a rib playing lacrosse because he has no meat on his bones. Sh**! What is wrong with me, why would I worry about him? Its so stupid and yet I am, and he doesn't deserve me to worry about him at all.

 

And worse, I get to live with the knowledge that whatever I thought we had ment nothing to him, I get to live with the thought that he has never had one thought about me what so ever.......I mean how can you do that to someone? To live a whole lifetime with them, and share so many memories with them and then wipe them out as if they never exsisted........I just can't stop hurting today, and I am angry with myself because I was really doing so well and I really was so happy and looking forward to so many things. It keeps resurfacing in the smallest and stupidest ways, and I just want to be done with this. You guys all know what happened to me and what he did, that he's with someone else, and yet I cry tears for that bas***d? It just hurts all over again to know how little I ment to him. I am sure I will be fine tomorrow, this is probably PMS or something:) I just needed to vent because I feel like cr**! I've just been hit with so many things this week, and I just don't feel like I can handle all of them. I'm an a** for caring. I want to move on in my life, and I have these set backs and then I am fine for a long while and have my head together, and then have another set back.....when is it going to stop, I thought I was done?