beta Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 What is it with this roller coaster? One day I think I’m doing good (yesterday didn’t cry) and the next, I am falling apart all over again! I really miss him! God I do! I’m on day 9 of NC and all I want is to hear his voice! I keep trying to rationalize that he doesn’t want me and therefore any contact on my part must simply be an act of desperation and will be received as utterly unattractive But dam! We shared so much! And he’s gone now and I just feel this massive void in my entire body! How to do this? Apart of me wants to call so bad! (and say what???) How do I stay away?
stlnsmile Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Sorry Beta, all I can tell you is I called ex on day six of NC to try to get him back, and he slammed me again, and it hurt worse the second time than the first time, because the second time I lost my pride too. The first time at least I had that intact. I just don't want you to go through that. I think NC is best for YOU....he knows where you are.....don't do it is my advice.
sedona Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Beta, I'm so sorry for you. Believe me, I know exactly what you're feeling. If you try to contact him, you're just going to get hurt again. You think that you're hurting now. Just imagine how you'll feel when you call and he doesn't pick up. For your own sake, you have to leave him alone. Go out to the gym. Go to a movie. Go read a newspaper over coffee in a cafe. Leave your cell phone at home. You're doing really well! This is the most difficult period and you've already come a long way. View him as an addiction, something that was incredibly destructive. Unfortunately, there's no avoiding the pain you're feeling. You will survive and come out of this a stronger and wiser person.
justine4 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 U hit the nail on the head. Rollercoaster is right. Emotions aren't like a whole pile of other things in life. They have a habit of coming over you like a big wave, and the tears and hurt starts all over again. The next day you can feel a bit more calm and then the next thing another wave of emotion comes over you. Its so hard and I know completely where you are coming from. I'm in similar situation at moment, apart from the fact I don't know whether or not we're finished. We decided to end things 2 weeks ago and both are heartbroken. But I told him (and it nearly killed me to say it) not to contact me as it'd be too hard. He lasted another few hrs before txting asking to keep trying. Its like a yoyo. He then decided that maybe know, a week later (we haven't seen each other since, and he is supposed to be coming up on Friday to talk) that he can cope with the breakup and maybe its best to leave things afterall. This is the same man that in the same phonecall is telling me his feelings for me haven't changed and he still is crazy about me but that he has too much going around in his head. Its even harder having the contact - you've done the right thing without a doubt with the NC. I wish I had stuck to my guns. It seems its the only way to do it. It just feels like someone has ripped your heart out tho, and you're completely numb inside. I hope it gets better for you. You've been very brave doing the complete NC...
Grace112 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 The comment about pride is definitely true. If you try to contact him, you're going to feel even more down than you do now because you'll feel like you've lost a little of your self-respect. If he wants to talk to you, he'll come around. Otherwise, please - just take care of yourself. You is what matters now.
Belkin Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Up, down, up, down, and again! Time heals all, all you can do is wait it out, and try your best to make this period the shortest possible. I'm at 2.5 months after breakup, still have down moments episodically, but I now spend long periods of time without thinking of her at all, and the up moments have now greatly taken over the down ones. 9 days is, unfortunately, not much. You need more time to heal, accept it and consider yourself on recovery from an addiction. That's the best you can do really...
dfreeman Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Hi Beta, My situation is very close to Belkin's (about 3mos since breakup and the good times finally outnumber the bad) and just want to let you know that things will get better if you let them. Everybody has a little different formula, but I immediately took the advice of others here and made two very important steps - I hit the gym with a passion that almost bordered on anger and I got out of my house with my dear friends. Instead of letting my negative thoughts (self-pity, insecurities, etc) rule the day, I put myself in constant contact with people that think I am the nicest, kindest, funniest and most sincere person in the world (granted, I am not all of those things, but they think I am ). The bad times are still there (came very close to crying twice last week), but they are getting better and farther between. My NC story is not exactly one to brag about (still have business with her about buying the house from me and a good relationship with her daughter), but I got a lot of inspiration from LS posters that really made it work for themselves ([No Foolin], [AnguishedAndBroken], and [CaliGuy] are all rocks - do a search on their posts and you will get hours of great advice). I know this time sucks bung, but we are all hurting on here and we all dump out our trash on each other, so stick around and let LS start to work on you! Get better and be happy soon, dfree
Author beta Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 I don't think I was expecting anyone to say "go ahead, give him a call, he probably wants you to" but I have to say, you all sure know how to state the obvious! After I posted, I got on the phone with a dear friend (won't be a cheap call! she's overseas!) and we talked for hours! It made the time go by and the kids came home and he's now sleeping where he is (on a project overseas). I made it today! Hopefully, the roller coaster will go up tomorrow. I've called in reinforcements! I went so far as to ask help from my estranged mother (have seen her but once (3 weeks ago) in the past 15 years! My house has become a disaster zone. I have no motivation to do anything I'm normally a health and fitness freak and although I've decided to run another marathon this summer, have been procrastinating on training What am I waiting for? Oh wait! I know. I'm still waiting for him to call! Sometimes I can think like you say ~ Get on with it and take care of yourself! But then my head goes round and round and round in a downspiraling tormentuous spin of "WHY???" Why did this happen???? I'm not that concerned about whether I'll trust again or not. Seems quite obvious that I won't. But mainly, I can't even fathom the thought of him being OUT of my life...let alone having someone else in We've been done for 30 days today. I went down the road of utter humiliation the first 2 weeks (why oh why do I even want to go there again is insanely beyond me!) ---thank you for sharing
sedgwick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Hang in there. I'm having a tough time today too -- and I'm on MONTH 9 of NC! This morning I had to leave the coffeeshop where I go to write because I started crying out of nowhere, thinking of him. He has not left my thoughts for one second since last July. More nights than not, I dream of him. We always get back together, and then I wake up and he's not really there. It just kills me that he doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be over this.
Recommended Posts