Phoenix11 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 As much as I try, as much as I seek out sound advice I just can't let him go. I know what we have is hanging on by a thread, but I still fantasize a life with him. This past weekend we did not see each other at all. No contact either by phone, IM, or text. So I spent the entire weekend calculating how I could make this relationship work. My solution: Sell my house.Move to his state.Quit my job and get a new one closer to him.Buy him a car...hahaThe above is quite crazy, but I almost had myself convinced this is the thing to do to catapult what we have to the next level. I'm whipped and can't get enough of him. My emotions are battling with my good senses. I should have walked away from him months ago. The only logical explanation I'm still around is that I am "whipped." How do you walk away from something that is not going anywhere, but feels so good at times?
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 You take control over your life and stop allowing yourself to be whipped. Do not change your whole life for this guy. Go back and re-read all your older posts...Then take time to really think things through.
sweetbutcheeky Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Sounds like your attached to the idea of him, can't really be the real him if you haven't seen him or talked to him. Think of it this way, if he doesn't feel the need to contact you then there really isn't anything to break off. So you could call him and have the break up talk, or just not call him and if he doesn't call you then you know it's mutually just over.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 How do you walk away from something that is not going anywhere, but feels so good at times? You set your mind and will to do it, then take action. Sometimes it takes a little while to gather enough strength to do it by slowly uninvesting, a little at a time. Stop relying on your right brain and start allowing your left brain to dominate your actions.
Author Phoenix11 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Sounds like your attached to the idea of him, can't really be the real him if you haven't seen him or talked to him. Think of it this way, if he doesn't feel the need to contact you then there really isn't anything to break off. So you could call him and have the break up talk, or just not call him and if he doesn't call you then you know it's mutually just over. He contacts me just enough to keep me interested. Like today for instance...he emailed me just before lunch to asked how was my trip this weekend (a trip I planned only because he was unavailable to get together with me). I replied with adjectives such as "great" "beautiful", then I asked how was his weekend. I expect I won't receive a response from him for a day or two. This is how things are. Then when we do get together, he dosen't want for us to part and speaks of a future. Impossible to see a future with him (as much as I would like to) if we can't plan time on the weekends.
Skies Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 (edited) I agree with the advices above. I think I had the similar situation before... It's hard to give up something especially when you have invested time and emotion and you once thought that would develop into something special. However it is what it is. I learned to think that what has happened is the only way that things would have happened. Just need to gain some inner strength, have faith, and live my own life. You'll find that he is definitely not the only thing that could make you feel so good. Lots of other pretty things and people in life could. Edited April 7, 2008 by Skies
Author Phoenix11 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 He just emailed me back acting like a jealous boyfriend by asking who I spent my weekend with.
Phateless Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Whoa Phoenix, sorry to hear about this. I thought you were all good? Sounds like it's time to walk away from this guy. He's happy when he's with you but forgets quickly when you're not around. Relationships need time to build and grow and this is one reason why long distance sucks. I say cut your losses and look for someone closer to you. What makes you think he'll be reliable once you move there? Just swallow the hurt and move on.
notgoodatthis Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 As much as I try, as much as I seek out sound advice I just can't let him go. I know what we have is hanging on by a thread, but I still fantasize a life with him. This past weekend we did not see each other at all. No contact either by phone, IM, or text. So I spent the entire weekend calculating how I could make this relationship work. My solution:Sell my house.Move to his state.Quit my job and get a new one closer to him.Buy him a car...hahaThe above is quite crazy, but I almost had myself convinced this is the thing to do to catapult what we have to the next level. I'm whipped and can't get enough of him. My emotions are battling with my good senses. I should have walked away from him months ago. The only logical explanation I'm still around is that I am "whipped." How do you walk away from something that is not going anywhere, but feels so good at times? Let me guess, he's not really a nice guy and treats you like shyt, lies to you, etc. Right?
AriaIncognito Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 It's not that "he" has you whipped. You have yourself whipped. I was in this situation for the better part of a year, I know it all too well. And it's sad. Sad that I didn't want to lose the good despite all the bad. But, eventually, I did finally walk away, and I'm better off for it. Has it been easy? No. Have I had times where I've missed him? Yes. The actual him? Yes. However, was I more in love with what he represented rather than him? Very much yes. We tend to make these men (or women in some cases) out to be the be all end all, and clearly they aren't. You found that one, odds are, you'll find another. Might not be when YOU want it to happen, but it will happen, in time. It's been almost a year for me now since we split. I can't say I'm in a relationship right now, but I've met someone that has taught me that I'm able to move on. And I have been. It's a tough choice, but eventually, you'll get tired of being his doormat. You thrive on every shred of conversation, every ounce of attention, etc. I know it well. I'm still to this day trying to learn how to not thrive on those things. Let him go. If you are meant to be with eachother, you will be. It just might not be when you expect it.
TheFonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 What if you hd sex with a different guy? That would probably help you get over the other guy fast right?
dreamergrl Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 How do you walk away from something that is not going anywhere, but feels so good at times? You completely stop all forms of contact. I've been in this situation - and it's hard to get out of, especially when there's still contact. You gotta hit the ignore button - and most likely you'll have to do it a lot. Stand your ground, and find things to distract you - find ways to start moving on and start fresh.
dreamergrl Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 What if you hd sex with a different guy? That would probably help you get over the other guy fast right? Okay, I wouldn't say sleep with a guy just like that - but you're kinda on to something. When I started to move on from my controling ex who had me feeling the same way, I shoved myself into the dating world. I didn't sleep with anyone though lol - I just started getting a grasp on what I was looking for in a mate.
TheFonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Okay, I wouldn't say sleep with a guy just like that - but you're kinda on to something. When I started to move on from my controling ex who had me feeling the same way, I shoved myself into the dating world. I didn't sleep with anyone though lol - I just started getting a grasp on what I was looking for in a mate. Yes that what I'm saying. But for a girl if she has sex it's even more effective for getting the other guy out of her mind. This is why some guy's are paranoid that some other guy wil have sex with his GF because they know it has bigger implications than if a guy cheats.
dreamergrl Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Yes that what I'm saying. But for a girl if she has sex it's even more effective for getting the other guy out of her mind. This is why some guy's are paranoid that some other guy wil have sex with his GF because they know it has bigger implications than if a guy cheats. But it's far from a good idea to sleep with a guy for this reason. You can date and have the same effect - without creating sexual attatchment. While I'm sure there are some guys who'd jump the chance to sleep with a girl just because, there are others who don't want to get banged just to get another guy outta the girl's head. I've done that before - it didn't have a good outcome. Just like it's important not to get real serious with another guy until after the currant guy is clearly out of the picture.
TheFonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 But it's far from a good idea to sleep with a guy for this reason. You can date and have the same effect - without creating sexual attatchment. While I'm sure there are some guys who'd jump the chance to sleep with a girl just because, there are others who don't want to get banged just to get another guy outta the girl's head. I've done that before - it didn't have a good outcome. Just like it's important not to get real serious with another guy until after the currant guy is clearly out of the picture. Well she can do it the slow painful way or she can do it the fast and fun way.
dreamergrl Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Well she can do it the slow painful way or she can do it the fast and fun way. What about the sensible and logical way?
TheFonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 What about the sensible and logical way? What's unsensible and illogical about having sex ? Besides, there's nothing sensible or logical about her attachment to this guy, so do you think she's going to be sensible and logical or do the sensical logical thing anyway?
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