Told MM that it is over and he's mad!

[comicgirl]

I posted a while ago about my seeing my BFs H. We broke it off for a while (check out past post if interested) but had been back on since October. I was feeling in love with him and sort of thinking we could end up married one day after our kids grew up. He knew I loved him, I told him. In January he was at home and had a "anxiety attack", he drinks a lot so i think it was more of a "blackout" but his W called me and I went over there and MM was in such a state that I had to call the police and ambulance. He wouldn't go with them of course but I didn't see him or talk to him for a month cause he was furious that no one would tell him who called the police. When I left that night I told myself we were over cause this whole thing was adding up a lot of stress for both of us and maybe it sent him over the edge. So, I had seen him on occasion back in Feb and March. Polite talks, nothing angry. He seemed happy to see me. Then in the beginning of this month he started sending me emails about funny stuff he saw on Youtube and didn't I think they were funny too? He wanted me to call him after I watched some of this stuff and laugh with him about it. I did because I told myself we were on the right track to being friends. We had not mentioned one time about how we used to be involved. So, his W goes out of town and she wants me to basically babysit the man. We finally talked about what happened in January. I told him I was the one who called. I told him it was over because of that night, I couldn't take his problems anymore. I loved him but was tired of chasing him around, He was giving me none of what I needed in any sort of relationship and the best we could hope for would be friends. He says that breaking it off was a decision I made on my own.

 

Night #2 We ended up doing it because he got to me by saying he was confused and depressed by my ending it without consulting him.

 

Night#3 I go over there thinking it is back on but he acts like a brat so I get mad and leave.

 

Night #4 I see him last night and he is going on about how he would hit it with a friend of mine, he wishes women thought he was hot, blah, blah. That was crushing me. Then he yelled at me cause I told other people we were together and he never told anyone. He made me feel like a piece of crap about telling my friend. I know I shouldn't have told anyone but felt at the time like I had to.... I said it didn't matter, that I made many mistakes with him, I was sorry and hoped he could forgive me some day. I said that I had a relapse by sleeping with him and that we are over. I looked him right in the eye when I said it. Then he was MAD! He wanted to know why people always turn over a new leaf after being with him. He said if he didn't care that we were over he would have just said "okay,bye". I had to leave I was getting upset. I listened to the voice in my head that said "stay clear". Now the next time I see him..........don't know what to do. We live in a small town so I will see him at some point. Sorry this was so long....

[UnusuallyUnusual]

Am I getting this right? This is your best friend's H? Does she know of your affair with her H? And not that age should matter, but can I ask how old the people are that are involved?

[comicgirl]

Yes I already am aware that the whole Bf thing is stinky. Another reason for breaking it off. I am 35, MM is 32

[mistresswchildren]

Good for you! The only thing that I am thinking is that it will be impossible for you to have a good relationship with your BF ever again. I am torn on the whole "to tell or not to tell" issue, but I think in your case you need to think about it. You slept with your BF's H. Is she really your BF? I am not perfect, so I cannot judge, but I just figured I would give you something to think about.

 

If you see him around town, act natural. Act like you did before the A. The more abnormal you act, the more he will thrive on it. He will know you are uncomfortable. He will know that you are not over it. He will use that to try to get you back into his bed (which he sadly has proved is possible considering your recent encounter).

 

I hope that you can continue on the right path. It is hard, but it is what is right. We have all, for the most part, messed up. Correcting this kind of a mistake takes a lot of time and a lot of effort.

[comicgirl]

The W and I aren't really BFs anymore, haven't been in a long time. Basically, she has me do favors for her all the time probably cause deep inside she knows the truth and I do them cause I feel guilty.

[HeavenScent]

You slept with your best friend's husband? Are you f***ing serious?

[mistresswchildren]

The W and I aren't really BFs anymore, haven't been in a long time. Basically, she has me do favors for her all the time probably cause deep inside she knows the truth and I do them cause I feel guilty.

 

I'm pretty sure that your "BF" doesn't know. Think about it, would you ask someone that you suspected of cheating with your H to "babysit" him for a long weekend. Unless she had a nannycam or something planted in the house, it would be the farthest thing from most Ws minds (at least in my opinion).

[comicgirl]

Telling the W really isn't an issue for me unless MM starts to get out of line by being a jerk about me ending. MM is mad that my H knew about it and last night asked me to go home and tell my H that I was lying about the A and only said that to make him jealous. My H laughed and said "is that like striking something from the record?" "it's already out there, how can I say okay, it never REALLY happened?" MM said it creeps him out when he sees my H. Well...it should. We both acted like jerks. Now I just want to stop thinking about MM because no matter how much I think I love him, I can't win with him. He won't stop drinking and I don't know if I am emotionally involved with him that I can watch him go down the drain. Maybe from a distance.

[comicgirl]

Today I just want to argue with MM about this. I'm thinking he should call me but I know he won't. He never did to begin with. he said he didn't know my schedule. Leave a voice mail for me, or let me see that you called even. Nothing. All I did was chase him around.

[HeavenScent]

I think it's about time you really stop contacting him. It will do no one good. You have told your husband and that's it. Focus on your marriage and stop giving a damn about MM. Your husband has given you another chance... so why should you bother about someone who clearly doesn't give a damn about himself?

[comicgirl]

I have thought all these things. I have tried NC as in January and he kept asking his W why I wasn't coming over or calling. he NEVER tried to call me. Then He started with these emails. It seems like time passes and then we stop being mad at each other and are talking all the time or emailing. Should he start emailing me with jokes and stuff again what should I do? ignore them?

[american-woman]

Your problem isnt the MM its you and your H. He knows? Does he want to continue your marriage and if so you have a lot of work to do. First is NO CONTACT with the OM and that means moving to another state if you have to. As long as there is contact with him you will continue to see him. Then theres TRUST with your H you will have to earn that.

 

You claim your friends with his wife? Honey your not her firend your her enemy.

I just hope you can clean up your mess you made and figure out why you felt you needed someones elses man until you do you will continue on this slippery slope.

[child_of_isis]

If you were doing all of the chasing, it doesn't sound as if you two had anything in the first place.

 

Or maybe it was the constant stress of you chasing him...?

[comicgirl]

Could be the stress of chasing him finally got to me. I'm so tired you know? I haven't messed with anyones H before. My H and I have an open relationship, neither of one us is in love with the other, haven't been in a long time. We stay together for the kids. No arguing or anything. The nice thing is being able to discuss all this with him. I really do think MM liked the attention. He's the classic alcoholic, needy, selfish, but I thought deep inside he did care about me. I thought he had a really good heart and I bought into his issues. No money, W that didn't support his feelings etc. He said i gave him the support and attention he needed. I just want him to think about this and not blame me. I know he's going to turn this around on me.

[whichwayisup]

The W and I aren't really BFs anymore, haven't been in a long time. Basically, she has me do favors for her all the time probably cause deep inside she knows the truth and I do them cause I feel guilty.

 

If she knew you were having an affair with her husband she would NOT be asking you to check in on him while she was away...Let alone call you to come over after his blackout. Sorry, but this affair really has fogged your head.

 

If she isn't really your friend anymore, then it's time to end the friendship completely with BOTH OF THEM and walk away. This situation is a time bomb just ticking away, waiting to go off.

 

Night #2 We ended up doing it because he got to me by saying he was confused and depressed by my ending it without consulting him.

 

Please don't blame him for your choice to sleep with him again. He sucked you in CG and you let him. He gave you a bullcrap line...boo hoo...

 

Does this guy even remember he is married?? You both need to stay away from eachother. And you also need to stay away from your so called BF.

[whichwayisup]

I thought he had a really good heart and I bought into his issues. No money, W that didn't support his feelings etc. He said i gave him the support and attention he needed. I just want him to think about this and not blame me. I know he's going to turn this around on me.

 

Each of you are responsible for this affair 50-50. THAT is the bottomline.

[comicgirl]

Yeah I know I didn't force him into bed.

[child_of_isis]

So true. She does this because she trusts her.

 

If she knew you were having an affair with her husband she would NOT be asking you to check in on him while she was away...Let alone call you to come over after his blackout. Sorry, but this affair really has fogged your head.

 

.

[child_of_isis]

But....you do admit to chasing him. Why are you chasing him?

 

Yeah I know I didn't force him into bed.

[child_of_isis]

But does your H know that you had/have plans of leaving him for MM after the children are grown?

 

Is he okay with this, also?

 

Could be the stress of chasing him finally got to me. I'm so tired you know? I haven't messed with anyones H before. My H and I have an open relationship, neither of one us is in love with the other, haven't been in a long time. .

[comicgirl]

We always want the one thing we can't have right? I also think he reminds me of someone that I have unresolved matters with for the last 15 years. MM says I wasn't chasing him but it feels like I was. To me anyway. My self respect is in shreds. I've done horrible things that I thought I would never do but he was like a drug to me.

[comicgirl]

that's the one thing i never told anyone, not even MM. We had never discussed it once.

[whichwayisup]

Then get counselling and sort out your issues from the past 15 years. Do something to make it better instead of involving yourself in your bestfriends marriage.

[comicgirl]

"my logic has drowned in a sea of emotion"-Sting

[whichwayisup]

And are you going to get help so you can fix your life? Noone can force you to do anything you don't want to do, so if you want the A with the MM to end, END IT. Don't let him manipulate you back in. Stand strong to your own choice.