sweetbutcheeky Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ok I know the answer but I am proving a point to someone. If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you?
Phateless Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ok I know the answer but I am proving a point to someone. If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you? NO!! It's a losing battle.
Rex Man Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Any man that isn't a complete wimp doesn't want someone coming in and imposing their will on them. If he is that easy to mold, would you even want him? That said, it has happened that I began to like a girl so much that dropped my other plates to date her exclusively. She couldn't MAKE me do it, but she made me WANT to do it. If you can change someones attitude about something enough, you can get them to do a lot.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Changing a man = exercise in futility and headache/heartache for a woman Finding someone who's the right fit for you = happy woman
Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ok I know the answer but I am proving a point to someone. If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you? I don't want to be changed by anyone. But if I like someone and hangout with them a lot, inevitably, change in myself will occur by interaction with her Hope that makes sense.
TheFonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 OK there's a distinction that has to be made. No self-respecting guy wants a woman to change things about himself that he's happy with. And he wants her to accept him for how he is. However any man that is honest with himself has things he'd like to change and improve on but can't on his own. Only a woman he's intimate with can do this. Guy friends can't, female friends can't and neither can ONS and FWB. A lot of guys don't think they want a relationship, but they develop feelings for a certain girl over time if they realize that she is relationship material. This is what I mean by changing a guy's mind about a relationship.
SpikeyChick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 That said, it has happened that I began to like a girl so much that dropped my other plates to date her exclusively. She couldn't MAKE me do it, but she made me WANT to do it. Yes, a woman can increase her attractiveness to a man. It takes a little time . I have done it twice with great men by revealing to them what a quality woman I was by behaving in a grown up way and not playing stupid "unavailabillty " games . I was patient and cool and resisted my urge to play the 'hard to get game'. Those "games" send the message that you have little of worth going for you and you have to resort to mindgames to get a man's attention. Eventually he will discover that you are all smoke and mirrors and pretense and then he will dump your azz.
AriaIncognito Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ok I know the answer but I am proving a point to someone. If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you? Usually, if someone says they don't want a relationship, it means "I want a relationship, but not with you". It's sad but true. I spent 18 months with someone like this. Never defined what "we" were, yet as soon as he found someone else he was willing to have a relationship with the title in tact. So, when someone says I dont want to have a relationship, believe them, and move on to your next one.
TheFonz Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Usually, if someone says they don't want a relationship, it means "I want a relationship, but not with you". It's sad but true. I spent 18 months with someone like this. Never defined what "we" were, yet as soon as he found someone else he was willing to have a relationship with the title in tact. So, when someone says I dont want to have a relationship, believe them, and move on to your next one. Right but sweetbutcheeky it saying that a guy has to want a relationship before they even can hang out. That's a different scenario from a guy saying that after you've hooked up a few times.
shadowofman Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Everyone wants relationships! It's the type of relationships that you might not want and the person that you might not want that type of relationship with.
DanielMadr Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ok I know the answer but I am proving a point to someone. If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you? You cant change/force someone to want relationship. It is only about what do you offer. If your continuous presence is much better than his freedom, then here you go, you have a relationship wanting man. There can be some hardcore anti-relationship men but I think its exception. Picky men, thats another chapter.
Taramere Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 If your a a guy who doesn't want a relationship can a woman change you into wanting one? Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you? You'd be crazy to try. I think you might be confusing the idea of changing someone with that of supporting them towards improving and becoming the things they aspire to being. In trying to change someone, you give them the message that you don't accept who they are or what they say they want, which is extremely negative. In the latter case, you're paying attention to their goals and their potential and encouraging them to get there.
GPFan Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 The only person you can work on/change is yourself. Concentrate on that and you will have plenty of good work to do.
Stockalone Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Or in any way would you want a woman to try and change you? Absolutely not. In my case, there is room for compromise but not for change. The worst kind are the women that are adamant you would actually like being this new, "improved" man, because they are still convinced that you want to be this man, even though you tell them you don't.
Woggle Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I will never change unless I want to. Women should not even try to change a man because it is an exercise in futility and will only lead to frustration.
SpikeyChick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 The worst kind are the women that are adamant you would actually like being this new, "improved" man, because they are still convinced that you want to be this man, even though you tell them you don't. Yep, I used to be one of those women. I shudder now at my arrogance and my inflated sense of self importance in believing that I knew exactly what men needed to change to improve themselves . I was convinced that i had a right to dictate to them how and what they should "fix" about themselves to please ME. I lost my first love by hounding him into being a robot to fit MY vision. One day he just up and left me with these three words, " I am leaving." What a stupid baitch I was. I learned the hard way.
DanielMadr Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Son ? Is that really you ? Eeeeeh, you probably mistaken me for someone else, ma'm. Do something for your son, stop hiding away his socks.
SpikeyChick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Eeeeeh, you probably mistaken me for someone else, ma'm. Do something for your son, stop hiding away his socks. Ha ha ! You are a funny kid . You got a mommy who loves you ? No?
DanielMadr Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ha ha ! You are a funny kid . You got a mommy who loves you ? No? Maybe. I dont care. You know nature made it so, that sons resent their mothers a little and vice versa in order to get the f*ck out of the nest.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 You'd be crazy to try. I think you might be confusing the idea of changing someone with that of supporting them towards improving and becoming the things they aspire to being. Not confusing anything, asking the question because I am trying to prove a point to someone on LS from another thread. LOL Mainly the part if your a guy that says straight out you don't want a relationship, would you want or can a woman change you?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 OK there's a distinction that has to be made. No self-respecting guy wants a woman to change things about himself that he's happy with. And he wants her to accept him for how he is. However any man that is honest with himself has things he'd like to change and improve on but can't on his own. Only a woman he's intimate with can do this. Guy friends can't, female friends can't and neither can ONS and FWB. A lot of guys don't think they want a relationship, but they develop feelings for a certain girl over time if they realize that she is relationship material. This is what I mean by changing a guy's mind about a relationship. It's not a woman's job to change things about a man that he may want to change. If a man says he doesn't want a relationship and she does (looking to find one in the end threw dating). Why would a woman want to date that guy? Date him in hopes that she can change him or that he will change his mind because of how great she is? Right but sweetbutcheeky it saying that a guy has to want a relationship before they even can hang out. That's a different scenario from a guy saying that after you've hooked up a few times. That is true.
carhill Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Mainly the part if your a guy that says straight out you don't want a relationship, would you want or can a woman change you? If the psychology and actions match the words, "change" is a futile attempt. However, as is well known, words do not always reflect reality. Personally, I am always open to change; every minute of every day changes me. I'm not a typical man, so don't use me as an example
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