Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 (edited) I'm really sorry but this is going to be a long post but I will try to make it an interesting read. I've been in a car with my laptop for hours, huge caffeine buzz, so I wrote all this down to just reflect on the weekend/this girl and out of sheer boredom. First off, last Summer this girl and I hooked up a lot and hung out a lot, parties/bars, etc.. She went out-of-country for study abroad program, and though we occasionally talked online, I figured it was pretty much over and got over her quickly. My spring break was about two weeks ago and we hung out a LOT over it. First I went over to her place to go to a party with her, just as friends. She ends up getting too drunk to go (girls...watch your liquor, i didnt realize how much she had), and though she didn't get sick, I took care of her and just fell asleep next to her. I was pretty drunk, but I realized she was like.. blackout drunk and I definitely did not want to try and 'hook up' with her when she was like that. So the next morning we wake up, talk, and begin kissing, and we have sex. We hangout nonstop for the next few days and have sex one or two more times with lots of lovey-dovey / kissing thrown in throughout the day. I go to college 4 hours away from her, so Ihave to leave. I call her every 3-4 days and she calls me sometimes also (So it is not one-sided here). We talk online a good bit and there are still feelings in the air as she says things such as "i like showering with you..." and as I tell her I'm heading to a party she says "don't go partying with any other girls tonight eh?" So I went home this weekend to look for housing there. I will be living there come Summertime to start a job. This is not because of her, I want to live there and had decided that way before I got back into it with this girl. here is a document I wrote up that basically explains in detail the events of my weekend. The bullets below are text messages *We meetup and goto a 10:00 movie where I learn she is already kinda high (she was acting weird) and then smoke weed afterwards in her car and then right afterwards, she says she wants to go home and go to sleep alone and I should go hang out with my friends. Very awkward situation and was not helped by the fact that we were high as kites. I try to explain how “I’m only going to be here for a few days and I just thought…” , she cuts me off and says “You thought you could bang me?!?” I tell her ‘no it’s not like that’ and that I’m just confused by her wanting to be alone. She says she is just tired and that’s all. Looking back it doesn’t seem that odd for her to just be tired at 1 am, but I didn’t understand why she wanted to ‘be alone’ when I really didn’t have any other plans and she knew that. 1:00 AM 4/5/08 Me:Awkward. I guess I thought there was a mutual attraction between us? Then you seemed so cold tonight, I’m just confused. <her name> I’m not about just trying to bang as much as I can. Am I reading into this too much?Her:I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be cold, just zoned out and awkward because of being high.. but I realllly wanted to smoke today, and I’m glad your back but I just kind of want to be alone tonight.. *At this point, I’m already at friends with a beer in my hand, so I don’t really care anymore. As an aside, I got pretty trashed off of cheap rum and there was a drunk girl at my friends trying very hard to hook up with me. I’m glad I had the self-restraint to not let that happen Me:Mmk. Night! Call you tom. I meet her Saturday afternoon to go get pizza at Mellow Mushroom. We eat and then go see another movie. On the way to the movie, we smoke a bowl and have a great time. She drives me back downtown to my car, and I thought we would hangout more. She then says she is tired and wants to take a nap but will call me when she wakes up. I’m offset once again by her desire to be alone, but just decide to play it cool and tell her bye and I’ll look for something for us to do tonight. I go home and sleep for a couple hours. 10:00 PM 4/5/08 Me:Whats up?Her:Me… mostly. I’m still soo tired Me:Yea.. I just woke up hehHer:I’m lame … lol. What are your friends doing?Me:Eh not much. I’m gonna shower.Her:Ok wanna come over after??Me:Ok ill serenade you, or try at leastHer:Hahaha nice I drive downtown and park near her dorm around 11:00. I see her car outside so I know she is there. But she isn’t answering the phone and I can’t get into the dorm without someone letting me in. I wait there for 10 mins, no one comes. I go to a friends down the street and wait for another 15 mins or so but she doesn’t call back. 1:20 AM 4/6/08 *calls me and apologizes. Says she fell asleep and her phone was accidentally on vibrate. Its kind of an awkward call because I can tell she wants me to come over, and I want to come over, but I don’t want to be the one to suggest me driving all the way downtown again, and she feels bad and doesn’t want to make me drive downtown again. Her:Sorry, I thought about inviting you over… it’s just so late..Me:Was thinking the sameHer:And all I wanna do is fall asleep again… but snuggling sounds good too?Me:It does sound good.. if you want company then just ask. Not tired but just already at home here.Her:I’d like it if we could snuggle… I can even turn my ringer on ultra loud AND vibrateMe:Haha. Then I’ll head over?Her:If you still want to, then I’d like to have you.Me:Call you when I’m there.Her:Ok! And I get there we snuggle/go to sleep. I didn’t try to make a move towards anything sexual but we did kiss some. We wake up and are all lovey-dovey and kissing for a while. She goes to the bathroom for like 15 mins while I do some exercises. I play the guitar for her which she loved. We kiss some more then go get lunch at ABC. We come back, watch two episodes of Blue Planet all the while being very touchy-feely and kissing. Still, I don’t make a move to try and do anything sexual because I just feel like it wasn’t a good time. I don’t know why, but I just had a strong feeling that if I made a move to try something, she wouldn’t be up for it. Eventually it’s time for me to get going. We kiss a lot more. We say goodbyes. She walks me to the door and when I go in for one last goodbye kiss, she looks back at her suitemates’ open door and kinda makes a frown and quickly kisses me on the cheek?? As if she didn’t want her suitemate to know? (all our kissing/snuggling was in the girl’s room) So all in all a decent weekend. It was entertaining at least. There are some things I’m confused about, but I think the end of Saturday night and Sunday were good days in that she definitely expressed -some- romantic interest in me. Hm. Looking back, does it sound to you like there's another guy in the picture? Thanks for reading. I'm not very emotinally-invested in this girl, I'm just thoroughly confused and trying to make sense of it all. Please don't think I'm one of those guys who is desperate/needy and that I'm putting this girl on the pedestal. I just have a lot of caffeine/some adderall in my system (hence the longgg post), and I can't figure this one out and would like some more opinions. Thanks edit: And I should add that it's very likely it will be another month before I see her again, and she knew that. Edited April 10, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I don't think she's seeing anyone else. I think she's tired all the time cuz you keep getting her stoned. I don't understand this part, though: "Looking back it doesn’t seem that odd for her to just be tired at 1 am, but I didn’t understand why she wanted to ‘be alone’ when I really didn’t have any other plans and she knew that." Are you saying that she shouldn't want to be alone because she knew you didn't have any other plans? And if so, why?
Author Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Ah I should clarify. I smoke very rarely because I don't like the "anti-social" aspect it sometimes brings (I'm more of an energetic/upbeat guy, I'd rather be the life of the party I guess...) She used to smoke a lot, but I thought she had stopped months ago. She was the one who wanted to smoke over the weekend and her being high (much more her actually having weed/a piece) was pretty surprising to me. Not that I mind it, but I do wonder what caused the sudden change in her wanting to smoke (she claimed she just had a craving for it this weekend?). And yes I suppose that is what I'm saying about her wanting to be alone. It was just that I came home with the intentions of finding housing, and hanging out with her in my spare time/nights and she knew that. She knows that we might not see each other for another month and I was confused why she would want to go home and nap alone (when we've napped/slept together plenty of times, and i mean just sleeping, nothing sexual).
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Ah I should clarify. I smoke very rarely because I don't like the "anti-social" aspect it sometimes brings (I'm more of an energetic/upbeat guy, I'd rather be the life of the party I guess...) She used to smoke a lot, but I thought she had stopped months ago. She was the one who wanted to smoke over the weekend and her being high (much more her actually having weed/a piece) was pretty surprising to me. Not that I mind it, but I do wonder what caused the sudden change in her wanting to smoke (she claimed she just had a craving for it this weekend?). And yes I suppose that is what I'm saying about her wanting to be alone. It was just that I came home with the intentions of finding housing, and hanging out with her in my spare time/nights and she knew that. She knows that we might not see each other for another month and I was confused why she would want to go home and nap alone (when we've napped/slept together plenty of times, and i mean just sleeping, nothing sexual). A girl doesn't like to be thought of as "housing," and I suspect she was feeling a bit used, and so told you see wanted to be alone. So what do you contribute to this relationship, if she's providing the "housing"?
Author Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Waittt you misunderstand. I was looking for houses/apartments on my own without her. I'm starting a job there in May and was looking for myself. My parents live about 15 minutes away from there and I was sleeping there or at a friends downtown.
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Waittt you misunderstand. I was looking for houses/apartments on my own without her. I'm starting a job there in May and was looking for myself. My parents live about 15 minutes away from there and I was sleeping there or at a friends downtown. Ok, so because she knew that you'd be wanting to spend time with her, she shouldn't want to be alone?
Author Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 (edited) I see what you're getting at, and you could be right. Perhaps I'm just reading into it too much. I mean it's not like we're dating or anything very serious, so why shouldn't she want to have some alone time each day. At any rate, I suppose I will find out what is up over the next month and especially come May. Thanks and I'd love to hear other opinions if anyone else can manage wading through that massively deep post I made As a question: Do these events imply that I shouldn't try to get with other girls? I mean.. I don't want to "play it cool" with her for a month and not look into other options (girls) then come May find out she's actually been seeing someone else. I do like this girl and could see myself starting something with her, but she has her flaws like everyone else so what if I find someone else that I am attracted to as well? Perhaps a forum isn't the best place for this question and a subtle message to her would be better. I'll find out the answer to this over this next week =) Edited April 7, 2008 by Matt105
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Well, what I was getting at was that you think that just because she knows you're in town, she should want to be with you. Like her own needs don't matter. It's all about you. It's a little arrogant, but honestly, you don't sound like an arrogant guy, so perhaps you just weren't seeing it clearly at the time. Yes, by all means, if you and this girl haven't made a promise to be monogomaous to each other, see other people. She might be, too. But even if you might find someone else you're attracted to, she will also have flaws, so if you like this one, why not ask her to "be your girlfriend?" As my friend Cathy says: "We all have shyt. You just have to find someone whose shyt you can live with."
Author Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Well, what I was getting at was that you think that just because she knows you're in town, she should want to be with you. Like her own needs don't matter. It's all about you. It's a little arrogant, but honestly, you don't sound like an arrogant guy, so perhaps you just weren't seeing it clearly at the time. I didn't even look at it from that perspective. touche. Anyway, I feel like it's not the right time to ask to be exclusive. I would like to know her thoughts as far as 'we' are concerned, but me being 4 hours away (gas prices..ugh..), and that we might not see each other for another month ... no.. I feel like now is not a good time to ask her that directly.
Skies Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Maybe she was just tired. Like what you saw in my post. And she might be wondering what you are thinking too. That might be one of the reasons that she got tired. Like what i felt for the one I cared. Many good people out there though. Be positive and keep looking.
Phateless Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 (edited) It's a little too early to worry about it to tell you the truth. Having the patience to let it play out is the hardest part. What do YOU want out of it? A relationship? A f-buddy? A booty call? Do you know? Do you want to be exclusive? Are you seeing anyone else? If i read that one part right, you drive down there because she wasn't picking up her phone? Stalking is a big turn-off for both sexes, I can tell you that RIGHT NOW! Also, don't stay up late at night obsessing over her anymore. I read the part where you tried to play it off with boredom, but I don't believe you. No e-stalking either, ie; myspace, facebook, etc etc etc. What I would have done is told her "yeah I wanted to hang out too, but I'm already home. Sweet dreams, I'll call you tomorrow." and rest content in the fact that for that night, she misses you and wishes you were in her bed with her. In the long run, that makes her want you more. Right now, you're too readily available to her and she knows that her schedule is priority over yours. She knows she "has you" which means she can do what she wants without fear of losing you. Just relax and play it cool, but interested. You'll be fine. Edited April 7, 2008 by Phateless
Author Matt105 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 It's a little too early to worry about it to tell you the truth. Having the patience to let it play out is the hardest part. What do YOU want out of it? A relationship? A f-buddy? A booty call? Do you know? Do you want to be exclusive? Are you seeing anyone else? If i read that one part right, you drive down there because she wasn't picking up her phone? Stalking is a big turn-off for both sexes, I can tell you that RIGHT NOW! Also, don't stay up late at night obsessing over her anymore. I read the part where you tried to play it off with boredom, but I don't believe you. No e-stalking either, ie; myspace, facebook, etc etc etc. What I would have done is told her "yeah I wanted to hang out too, but I'm already home. Sweet dreams, I'll call you tomorrow." and rest content in the fact that for that night, she misses you and wishes you were in her bed with her. In the long run, that makes her want you more. Right now, you're too readily available to her and she knows that her schedule is priority over yours. She knows she "has you" which means she can do what she wants without fear of losing you. Just relax and play it cool, but interested. You'll be fine. Uhh no, I drove down there to find housing for the summer / next couple of years (I've had a job lined up for awhile. I'm graduating soon). She just happens to live where I plan on working/living, which is part of the reason we met ~1 year ago. I dunno where you read that she wasn't picking up the phone, I realize it was way too long of a post but I'm very wordy =/ She answered my calls and she called me too. If you mean that one night where she didn't answer, we had planned to hang out and she asked me to come over, then I get there to her dorm and, supposedly, she had fallen asleep.. Haha dude I'm not stalking! Oh and you are right, I was thinking about her pretty much all night last night, but I think that was really just because I had taken some adderall. I don't really "obsess" over girls because I long ago realized there's plenty of fish in the sea, my man. Yeah I def know what you mean about how maybe I should have just "played it cool" and stayed in for the night without going to see her... On the other hand, it would have been another month before I saw her again, and we hadn't kissed yet for the weekend. I think I made the right move because at least we were romantic or whatever.
Phateless Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Uhh no, I drove down there to find housing for the summer / next couple of years (I've had a job lined up for awhile. I'm graduating soon). She just happens to live where I plan on working/living, which is part of the reason we met ~1 year ago. I dunno where you read that she wasn't picking up the phone, I realize it was way too long of a post but I'm very wordy =/ She answered my calls and she called me too. If you mean that one night where she didn't answer, we had planned to hang out and she asked me to come over, then I get there to her dorm and, supposedly, she had fallen asleep.. Haha dude I'm not stalking! Oh and you are right, I was thinking about her pretty much all night last night, but I think that was really just because I had taken some adderall. I don't really "obsess" over girls because I long ago realized there's plenty of fish in the sea, my man. Yeah I def know what you mean about how maybe I should have just "played it cool" and stayed in for the night without going to see her... On the other hand, it would have been another month before I saw her again, and we hadn't kissed yet for the weekend. I think I made the right move because at least we were romantic or whatever. Ok, well it sounds like you made a judgment call. As for that one night (which is the only thing I meant by stalking) did you talk/text her just before driving over there? Because I would have done one of those first. Just be careful to critically analyze all the explanations you gave to me to be sure they're not rationalizations. Play on, brotha!
dreamergrl Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Just wondering... do you guys spend any sober time together?
Little Shy Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 This girl sounds interested in you, but honestly, I think she seems a little fickle. Maybe it has to do with the weed. When I used to get high, there would be a 50% chance I would end up getting antisocial. (crappy odds, I think, and part of the reason I stopped Anyhow, If I got WAY too high, I would just want to be alone, and climb in bed under the covers & watch TV or something. But, I also would get very horny sometimes when I was high, and with a dude I really liked. I am quite sure I NEVER turned a guy out that I was hanging out with & really into big time when I was stoned. Contrarily, I couldn't wait to get home with them, but that's just me. This is probably a wait & see what happens, not like you have a choice anyway, as you won't see her for a month. Don't trip too hard, spend some time establishing what you want from her, as another poster mentioned. And good luck!
Author Matt105 Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 Ok, well it sounds like you made a judgment call. As for that one night (which is the only thing I meant by stalking) did you talk/text her just before driving over there? Because I would have done one of those first. Just be careful to critically analyze all the explanations you gave to me to be sure they're not rationalizations. Play on, brotha! Holla! Yeah I texted her and we exchanged a few texts, I told her I was gonna shower and she replied by asking if i wanted to come over (then when i went over, she was 'asleep' and didnt answer my call to let me into her dorm). Just wondering... do you guys spend any sober time together? Yep. Just this weekend she wanted to get high a lot? We prob spent 50% of our time this weekend high together and 50% sober. This girl sounds interested in you, but honestly, I think she seems a little fickle. Maybe it has to do with the weed. When I used to get high, there would be a 50% chance I would end up getting antisocial. (crappy odds, I think, and part of the reason I stopped Anyhow, If I got WAY too high, I would just want to be alone, and climb in bed under the covers & watch TV or something. But, I also would get very horny sometimes when I was high, and with a dude I really liked. I am quite sure I NEVER turned a guy out that I was hanging out with & really into big time when I was stoned. Contrarily, I couldn't wait to get home with them, but that's just me. This is probably a wait & see what happens, not like you have a choice anyway, as you won't see her for a month. Don't trip too hard, spend some time establishing what you want from her, as another poster mentioned. And good luck! Word. thanks for the input. And yeah I guess this weekend is the first time I've been with her when she/we were high so maybe thats just how she is? Whatever and ever. Youre right, nothing to do except wait and see if anything happens with this girl. In the meantime I need to get out and get some numbers or something.
dreamergrl Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 I'm not preaching and saying don't do this drug or drink ect ect... But how do you really get to know someone well spending so much time together being on something or drunk? I'm all up for a good time as much as the next person - but the constant smoking, taking aderral (sp?), drinking... when does either of your minds clear up when you're around each other?
ItsACaplypso Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 She's pregnant. (just kidding... maybe...) She's just being crazy like all girls are (and as one I can vouche for that.) She just regrets having all kinds of crazy random sex with you two days after coming back from timbuktu or wherever, cause you know, when girls do that, it's "slutty and demeaning," right? She's just trying to gain her respect back. And as for the PDA in the hallway, it IS kind of embarassing to make out with somebody in a room full of people (or even just one person) when you aren't "official" and calling eachother girlfriend/boyfriend. And even then it gets wierd. You're all good, buddy. She's just a girl. It happens. Don't over-analyze everything. OH and it also seems like something might be on her mind. Pry, cause as much as she wants to talk, she probably has a whole scenario in her head where you BEG her to tell you whats wrong, yaknow. Girls are like that, we think you're WAY more aware of what we're thinking/feeling then you really are. Good luck!
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