I have hurt the man I love many times but now I want him back in my life

[ItEndsTonight]

So I met this really sexy, nice guy about 2 years ago. We hit it off on our 1st date and he was so different than anybody else I ever met. He was so polite and like a gentlemen. He was smart too. We started seriously dating about 2 weeks after we met, and I told him all about my bad past where I got pregnant, got an STD, and a lot of other bad stuff. He took it in stride and said he didn't care, because he liked me for me. I was so shocked and flattered. We dated for about 2 months and then stupidely I dumped him for some reason...I just wasn't ready for a relationship b/c of my past. He didn't contact me at all after that so I called him and we became friends again. The same thing happened, we dated for awhile, but I made a bad mistake and broke his heart again. I did it through myspace. Again, I did it for selfish reasons. He did nothing wrong. I felt really stupid because he was the only one that listened to me. Eventually, I contacted him again, and somehow we became friends again.

 

This third time I really fell for him. We fell in love on both ends and we both told each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. Then I went into the military, and we didn't see each other for a couple months. We sent sweet love letters back and forth saying we'd get married and all that. Then the military changed my mindset, and when he came to visit, I was distant and cold to him. I said rude things back at anything he said to me. After awhile he just gave up and stopped talking because I was being so mean. I ended up breaking up with him because I was in this "need to be single because I'm away and independent" mindset. But now that he's gone and I realize what I did, I feel terrible. I didn't even call him to say we officially broke up. I had my mom tell him. I feel like a coward. He was my best friend in the world and I never had a guy I loved more. From what my mom tells me (they talk regularly), he doesn't want anything to do with me ever again. I feel like such an idiot. Is there anything at all I can do?

Edited April 7, 2008 by ItEndsTonight

[cyabye]

I think you did enough. You have to live with your decisions. He sounds like he was a good guy from what you said. If I was him, I would leave you alone too because you don't know what you want (from what I am reading). It's hard to find somebody who really does NOT care about your past. Your past behavior usually shows a person your future behavior. I (and my kids) had to learn about that the hard way. This of course is just my opinion. Learn from your mistakes.

 

Hope this helps,

cyabye

[GPFan]

Is there anything at all I can do?

 

I think you have done enough. Leave him be.