befuddledagain Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Today marks 4 weeks since I met my new interest. And is also the first day that no contact has been made on her end. Everyday for four weeks it was either emails/texts/calls and she was responding back quickly if I initiated them or vice versa. Nothing that I know of would stop her from responding to my light hearted 2 texts. Yet, she has not. Please do not think I am being paranoid as I have gone down this road before and don't like what I have seen at the end of it. She is the one who initiated the calls etc most of the time, so her abrupt change in behavior makes me think that either something happened bad, or she is doing the ole fadeaway. I know that sometimes texts get lost in "space" but two? Would a phone call be out of line inquiring if she is ok? (she did go out of town, so how would I know if something happened? as we do not have mutual friends yet. How much more time to give it?
AriaIncognito Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Wow, give it a few days at least. You should allow eachother time to miss the other, and clearly you're not allowing that.
Marin Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Hate to say this but is it possible she 1. was meeting an ex or 2. met a new guy where ever she was going out of town?
Author befuddledagain Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 I understand that, and was pretty shocked that she was doing the daily/several times a day contacting. Was not expected nor needed. What I don't understand is the big shift? Guess I just notice these things: 1) she initiated contact alot 2) she suddenly stopped the pattern More curious than concerned why someone would do this. I mean, I am concerned for her well-being, not concerned that she is laying low if that may be the case. And curious why she would not just say, "hey, laying low for a bit, call ya later." If that is what the case is.
SpikeyChick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Today marks 4 weeks since I met my new interest. And is also the first day that no contact has been made on her end. Everyday for four weeks it was either emails/texts/calls and she was responding back quickly if I initiated them or vice versa. Nothing that I know of would stop her from responding to my light hearted 2 texts. Yet, she has not. Please do not think I am being paranoid as I have gone down this road before and don't like what I have seen at the end of it. She is the one who initiated the calls etc most of the time, so her abrupt change in behavior makes me think that either something happened bad, or she is doing the ole fadeaway. I know that sometimes texts get lost in "space" but two? Would a phone call be out of line inquiring if she is ok? (she did go out of town, so how would I know if something happened? as we do not have mutual friends yet. How much more time to give it? Wow ! You have it bad mister. The guys call your condition "oneitis". Your anxiety is way too high. We are not talking about your wife here. THis is just a casual women whom you have known for a month and you are freakin' here.. I suggets that you get hold of a few buds and go chase some more women. You are way too invested in this little lady. HOw has she shown you that she is deserving of this loyalty and single minded attention from you ?
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 It's ONE DAY. Perhaps she just wants a little breather.
Author befuddledagain Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 You are right, was kinda looking for a kick in the ass, so thank you. Just am reliving an exact scenario from exactly 2 years ago, different woman of course. That one promised me the sun and the stars and disappeared. Probably just thinking too much. If the the same thing happens, guess I at least have experience with it
Skies Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Feel like she might be thinking about/seeing someone else. Prepare for the worst. Sorry. I tend to expect more and end up dissapointed so i figured taking it easy would be the best way. Second worst scenario might be that she's testing you. Stay cool? At the same time show that you care about her.
Author befuddledagain Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Oh sheesh, the tests. Forgot about that. Hmmm. Welp, I don't "think" she is like that. Then again...........
SpikeyChick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Oh sheesh, the tests. Forgot about that. Hmmm. Welp, I don't "think" she is like that. Then again........... Boys- here is how to defeat women's 'tests' ( Im giving away our secrets here but I do not do tests and I do not approve of them at all ) You act as if they are not happening ! Thats right, ignore her drama. To the OP, do nothing - perhaps she is testing you to see how much you care. In that case she wants you to get into a panic and chase her. If you do that you will give her what she wants BUT you fail because you are telling her that her games will be rewarded with doubled up attention from you, and then she will do more tests because she know knows how to yank your chain. Act normally (even if you are busting to find out what is happening )
Author befuddledagain Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Yeah, couple years ago would not have understood that advice let alone taken it. Trying to get a bit smarter here
NotMyselfNEmore Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Coming from a woman, I give my honest opinion. If she's the one who initiates most of the contact, maybe she's thinking exactly that. "Hey, why do I always have to initiate contact?" She might be giving you a bit of space to see if you really are interested in her or if she's forcing you to be attentive by calling, texting, emailing etc. Did you think of that? Maybe she wants YOU to do some chasing?
Author befuddledagain Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Thought of that, which is why after two texts with no response am wary to continue as that may turn into the "stalking" behaviour no?
SpikeyChick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Thought of that, which is why after two texts with no response am wary to continue as that may turn into the "stalking" behaviour no? Two texts with no reply in 24 hours is enough - stop now. If she is wanting you to do some chasing then she can ASK for you to contact her more often, like an adult. Playing the "silent treatment " is juvenile, if this is what she is doing.
AriaIncognito Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Coming from a woman, I give my honest opinion. If she's the one who initiates most of the contact, maybe she's thinking exactly that. "Hey, why do I always have to initiate contact?" She might be giving you a bit of space to see if you really are interested in her or if she's forcing you to be attentive by calling, texting, emailing etc. Did you think of that? Maybe she wants YOU to do some chasing? Amen to this post. I'm currently seeing someone who I am always the one asking him to go out to do things. He accepts most of the time, but well, I'd like for him to ask me out before I get to it with him. We women like to know the men are interested enough to plan the next thing. Basically, we like to be chased as much as you like chasing us. However, there's a fine line we all have to dance around. You've initiated contact and she for whatever reason has not yet replied. So, now you're conjuring all kinds of reasons in your head. Believe me, I know this one well. I spend way too much time doing the same thing. Oh it must be X or Y but in reality it ends up being nowhere near what I think. it's hard to not fall into the trap of insecurity, when you've been hurt in the past. Best we can do, is try our best to not let our pasts dictate our present. Just because one person acted one way, doesn't mean everyone down the line will. Hopefully in time, we'll be shown that we can trust people and that not everyone will treat us like the ones that hurt us did.
sid33 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Spikechick and Aria have given you some really good advice. Your thinking way too much. How can I be so sure, cause I am in the exact situation your in. And I think they have summed it up perfectly in this thread. Oneitis can really handicap a man. It's really easy to over think everything so early on. You must have it really bad to have forgotten about the tests..lol Back off abit and see what happens. Raise your value some, even if it doesn't work out, you'll feel good about yourself!
DanielMadr Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Dont get fussed about it. Call her in a time you normally do and MAKE A MOVE.
DanielMadr Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Boys- here is how to defeat women's 'tests' ( Im giving away our secrets here but I do not do tests and I do not approve of them at all ) You act as if they are not happening ! Thats right, ignore her drama. To the OP, do nothing - perhaps she is testing you to see how much you care. In that case she wants you to get into a panic and chase her. If you do that you will give her what she wants BUT you fail because you are telling her that her games will be rewarded with doubled up attention from you, and then she will do more tests because she know knows how to yank your chain. Act normally (even if you are busting to find out what is happening ) Are you sure, you are a Chick?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 OP, back off already. Some damage control is needed on your part. Stop texting her, stop waiting around for her to call, fact is you might as well just put your phone on voice mail. If there's no exclusivity on both your parts, its best not to entirely devote your precious time on her. Shallow as this might sound, you better put her on the back of your list, and start seeing other girls. Widen your options a bit. Do not prioritize anyone that doesn't do the same.
Cov Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 You are a man of creature comforts and is clearly confused as to why she has stopped texting you, emailing you, and phoning you, well in my experience and those of other's, it could be down to routine. I hate routine and I know a lot of people who will agree with me. Routine is like a sexless marriage sooner or later it becomes unbearable. She might feel the same way, who knows, but you worrying about her not continuing the routine of contacting you everyday, at a specific time is a sign of possessiveness. And to what extent I cannot say, but it does seem this way and also why don't you phone her up for a change and initiate contact. If I was you, I'd turn up at her door with beaming smile across my face. She's probably tired of always being the one who initiates contact.
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