jessica123 Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Hello all, Sometimes it's difficult to keep my head cool en especially, to know what to do. That's why i would like your opinion on the following. To make a long story short ; 1,5 years ago my current bf and i met. I was in an unhappy, abusive relationship at the time. He himself was in a marriage with a woman that was actually more his "daughter" than his wife.. He had to take care of everything, and this also was a very unhappy relationship.. After 8 months of a lot of passion and love towards eachother (and the guilt not to forget..), he said it was time to initiate seperation. I wasn't married at the time, but did buy a house together. Three months after his "initiation"-message, i left my relationship and made all things happen to sell the house. At that time i moved in with family. We planned on me renting a house in the meanwhile were we could both live untill everything about the divorce would be settled. It was only 2 months after i left my relationship, that he decided to leave her and move into the house he was building (which was nearly finished) And at that time it all went bad. He got depressive, his attention towards me diminished so gravely, while all the months before it was extatic. In the meanwhile, we're 4 months further. I've tried talking to him and getting him out of his depression, but nothing seems to work. It only gets worse.. His attention towards me diminishes by the day. In the meanwhile i did rent a house, close to his work, in order for us to live together untill his house is completely finished and his divorce is settled. But everytime his ex calls with bad news, i can see him crumble, and he even cries. The divorce isn't moving along either... The last week i hardly saw him. Lately, all we do is fight, because i expect love and care, and he can't be bothered it seems. And i can't seem to let go to confront him with that.. On friday morning i told him he had to make a choice; either go on 100% with me or leave me. Friday-night he came to me and things just exploded. He told me he wanted "distance". He also told me he did not want to quit the relationship, but he couldn't handle the stress... But i just don't see any commitment from his side.. It's sunday eve now, and he hasn't initiated any contact.. I called him 3 times since saturday morning and we talked briefly... But he doesn't initiate any contact.. He told me this eve that he can't take all the fights and that he has to find himself again. That it doens't mean our relationship is gone, but he can't give any guarantees that he will still feel that way if he found himself. When i ask him when i will see him again, he says "maybe thursday".. He also took almost all his stuff when he left... I feel so desperately alone and lonely right now.. I didn't ask for this to happen.. I love him so very much, i can not imagine i could love anyone else.. He's just so perfect to me... I don't know what to do.. should i leave him alone and let him be untill he finds himself again, or should i do tell him i love him? Will this ever work out or am i only fooling myself? Does taking distance work to get a relationship back on track? I am desperate and would like your opinion on this... thx in advance..
TheFonz Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 This will probably never work. You should've known better than to get involved with a married man and while you had a BF. He basically faked all that interest for what was it 8 months? If anything he should be drawing closer to you now that he's getting the seperation/divorce. Who knows, his wife is probably the one divorcing him. She probably cut off the sex before he met you. Now that he knows he's in a postion where you can hold him to a relationship. He wants to keep you as back up, just like what you were before.
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I don't know what to do.. should i leave him alone and let him be untill he finds himself again, or should i do tell him i love him? Yes, you should let him have his space. Yes, you should tell him you love him. Will this ever work out or am i only fooling myself? Only time will tell. You have to move on with your life, either way. Another person cannot make you whole. Only you can do that. Does taking distance work to get a relationship back on track? Sometimes, yes. My girlfriend had been dating her boyfriend for 7 years, but he wouldn't commit to marriage. She finally moved out, and 6 months later he proposed. It doesn't happen a lot, but it can happen.
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