Citizen Erased Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Until you've experienced cheating in a marriage with someone you deeply loved and trusted, perhaps then darlin_coco, you will begin to fathom that it's not all fun and games and sometimes, there's a price to pay for infidelity. For the interim, I'm so glad that I gave, free of charge, all the information gathered by my PI, to the OWs betrayed husband at his behest. Don't know what's happening in their extended custody battle over their child but...she's most certainly lost her meal ticket. Maybe when you have seen your own mother beaten the crap out of by the man she left your father for, then you will have an absolute abbhorence for physical violence like I do. I really do sympathise with those who have been cheated on, but I don't believe anyone has this coming to them.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Maybe when you have seen your own mother beaten the crap out of by the man she left your father for, then you will have an absolute abbhorence for physical violence like I do. I really do sympathise with those who have been cheated on, but I don't believe anyone has this coming to them. Your mother made a personal choice. Your father paid the price and so have you, in your own way. You personally, therapy inclusive, continue to pay the price, potentially for the rest of your life. Perhaps you cling to your mother, because your father isn't there for you. I don't know. Cheating has a ripple effect.
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 You all know my friend who had his wife leave him for another man that she was just so connected and attracted to. Well last night he beat the living crap out of her and my friend is gloating about it. At first I thought he was being cruel but he spent the past 2 years hearing every small flaw of his blwn up and hearing what a horrible husband he is compared to OM who she has this amazing connection to so to him this is karma coming back to bite her. He feels like this is what she wanted so this is what she gets. This woman was his wife and yes, she hurt him badly..But, what that OM did her, beat the living crap out of her - SHE DID NOT DESERVE THAT. I think it's just wrong of your friend to be gloating and pleased this happened to someone he used to love and care about.
Citizen Erased Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Your mother made a personal choice. Your father paid the price and so have you, in your own way. You personally, therapy inclusive, continue to pay the price, potentially for the rest of your life. Perhaps you cling to your mother, because your father isn't there for you. I don't know. Cheating has a ripple effect. So she had it coming. Right. Thank you ever so much for sharing your divine wisdom.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 So she had it coming. Right. Thank you ever so much for sharing your divine wisdom. Any time...darlin'... We all share our divine wisdom, don't we?
Citizen Erased Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Any time...darlin'... We all share our divine wisdom, don't we? Whatever you say.
OldEurope Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Your mother made a personal choice. Your father paid the price and so have you, in your own way. You personally, therapy inclusive, continue to pay the price, potentially for the rest of your life. Perhaps you cling to your mother, because your father isn't there for you. I don't know. Cheating has a ripple effect. This is an excuse for beating someone up? This venom and bitterness on your part, Trial, only shows how much power these people--your ex and the OW--continue to have on your life. Your cynicism is incredible. Sad, really.
Trimmer Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Until you've experienced cheating in a marriage with someone you deeply loved and trusted, perhaps then darlin_coco, you will begin to fathom that it's not all fun and games and sometimes, there's a price to pay for infidelity. That's an incredibly insulting way to put it. Has anyone in this discussion suggested that it's "all fun and games?" That trivializes everyone else's pain and damage, in comparison with your own. Well, although I don't cherish my wounds as dearly, nor wear them as proudly as you appear to, by your own criterion, I am nonetheless qualified to comment. All I have left to say is that while my wife may have taken, among other things, the last of my innocence, I still managed to hold on to my humanity.
Citizen Erased Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 reooowwrrr! It's okay actually, my mother would mainly just feel sorry for someone who had gone through something which would make them take such a stance on physical abuse.
Author Woggle Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 I don't agree with his bitterness but after hearing over and over again how better the OM is than him I can understand him saying i told you so. I hope my ex moves far far away but I wouldn't wish physical abuse on her though because that make me a person I do not want to be. Like I said before I hope this is just a phase for him.
Citizen Erased Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I don't agree with his bitterness but after hearing over and over again how better the OM is than him I can understand him saying i told you so. I hope my ex moves far far away but I wouldn't wish physical abuse on her though because that make me a person I do not want to be. Like I said before I hope this is just a phase for him. You're a good man Woggle. I hope it is a phase as well.
Taramere Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Imagine there's a female poster here who we all know and like. Imagine she posts regularly about her unhappy marriage. Her husband isn't violent. In many ways he's a very kind man - but the two of them are clearly incompatible, and she doesn't know how much longer she can carry on simply existing (unhappily). She meets a man who makes her feel alive. Taps into her fantasies. She forgot what it was like to have great sex...and suddenly this man is reminding her. She starts to feel that to not leave her husband would amount to a slow death when she's not ready to die. (You could just as easily reverse the roles and apply this scenario to a man who is fond of his wife but no longer loves her romantically) But she made an error of judgement. Let's imagine that sweet, nice woman who regular posters here had grown fond of, suddenly stops posting. Someone close to her, with her personal contact details, then explains that she's in hospital with severe injuries because Mr Dream Man turned out to be a lunatic. Would we feel sad that sometimes decent, kind people become so unhappy that they retreat into a dreamworld; begin to pursue fantasies that, were they to come true, might prove very bad for them? Or do we want to see Madame Bovary's head on a plate? I've been cheated on too. It's like a punch in the stomach - especially when you listen to that person telling you that they're not prepared to sacrifice their "friendship" with a decidedly third rate (in your opinion) individual in an effort to save their relationship with you. On the other hand, is there anyone here who would want an unhappy partner to stay with them out purely of a sense of duty and obligation? Isn't it at least 100 times better to get your heart broken than to be that? And if your partner has attempted, for a while, to do the right thing by you, but breaks away because they really just don't love you any more (or never did) does that really mean that they deserve to be beaten to a pulp?
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 This is an excuse for beating someone up? This venom and bitterness on your part, Trial, only shows how much power these people--your ex and the OW--continue to have on your life. Your cynicism is incredible. Sad, really. I have no remorse...at all... That's an incredibly insulting way to put it. Has anyone in this discussion suggested that it's "all fun and games?" That trivializes everyone else's pain and damage, in comparison with your own. Well, although I don't cherish my wounds as dearly, nor wear them as proudly as you appear to, by your own criterion, I am nonetheless qualified to comment. All I have left to say is that while my wife may have taken, among other things, the last of my innocence, I still managed to hold on to my humanity. I'm not going to get into why I chose that phrase but yes, it was a deliberate choice of words... I reserve my humanity for those deserving of it. I also believe in a luge chute towards a room that metes out capital punishment and fully support gun-toting. I believe that should cover where I stand on humanity...
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Lest I forget, I'm also a strong proponent for first term abortion.
OldEurope Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I have no remorse at all I reserve my humanity for those deserving of it I also believe in a luge chute towards a room that metes out capital punishment and fully support gun-toting. I believe that should cover where I stand on humanity... I fear for anyone who "deserves" your style of humanity
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I fear for anyone who "deserves" your style of humanity *shrugs* Hmmm...people who deserve my style of humanity, are innocents. For example, I fund raise and heavily support the Food Bank. Same for Breast Cancer research. I'm considering doing the same for stem cell research, although I haven't done anything about it, yet. I have lifelong friends who I would do anything for and would do anything for me. I have family who I would die for. This is who I am and make no bones about it. It's up to individuals to take charge of their lives, which means, take full responsibility for themselves, instead of doing "whatever" and then crying and whining about it, afterwards.
Trimmer Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 (edited) This is who I am and make no bones about it. It's up to individuals to take charge of their lives, which means, take full responsibility for themselves, instead of doing "whatever" and then crying and whining about it, afterwards. The ideas that people in this scenario are having "fun and games," or that the victim is failing to take responsibility for her actions or "crying and whining about it afterwards" are all your own projections, and are nowhere suggested in this discussion. This is about the reaction of an outside observer, and what it may or may not say about him. The question isn't about political leanings, or charitable credentials. It is: would you laugh about someone who got beaten up by a partner? You answered. Good enough; we know you better now. Lest we allow this thread to become "all about" something else, it started out as Woggle's attempt to explore his own feelings about his friend's reaction to his ex getting beat up. Woggle, I don't know if you can call his feelings "right" or "wrong." His personal reaction doesn't hurt anyone, and it is, in a sense, understandable, as I think it reveals some deep, unhealed damage. However, those feelings can change over time. After enduring a similar cheating, walk-away wife scenario, I have measured my own healing, in part, by the degree to which I have released my bitterness. Maybe he will be able to do this eventually; some never do. Edited April 7, 2008 by Trimmer
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 The ideas that people in this scenario are having "fun and games," or that the victim is failing to take responsibility for her actions or "crying and whining about it afterwards" are all your own projections, and are nowhere suggested in this discussion. This is about the reaction of an outside observer, and what it may or may not say about him. The question isn't about political leanings, or charitable credentials. It is: would you laugh about someone who got beaten up by a partner? You answered. Good enough; we know you better now. Lest we allow this thread to become "all about" something else, it started out as Woggle's attempt to explore his own feelings about his friend's reaction to his ex getting beat up. Woggle, I don't know if you can call his feelings "right" or "wrong." His personal reaction doesn't hurt anyone, and it is, in a sense, understandable, as I think it reveals some deep, unhealed damage. However, those feelings can change over time. After enduring a similar cheating, walk-away wife scenario, I have measured my own healing, in part, by the degree to which I have released my bitterness. Maybe he will be able to do this eventually; some never do. Your opinion about me is meaningless, within the confines of my life. I will say one more thing. This isn't about bitterness or even revenge. It is my position, with no remorse or regret.
Trimmer Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Your opinion about me is meaningless, within the confines of my life. I completely agree. And I'll go even further to say that my opinion about you is even meaningless in the context of this thread, as this thread is not about you, which was the focal point of my last post.
blind_otter Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 (edited) Until you've experienced cheating in a marriage with someone you deeply loved and trusted, perhaps then darlin_coco, you will begin to fathom that it's not all fun and games and sometimes, there's a price to pay for infidelity. I suppose you would look down on someone like Viktor Frankl. He lost everything to the Nazis - his life's work, his wife who he loved very dearly. Yet he managed to look beoynd his own bitterness and has no hatred towards those who took so much away from him. That is something I deeply respect. Edited April 7, 2008 by blind_otter
Author Woggle Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 Now when I think about it I really do have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I would never wish for a person to be abused but there is a certain satisfaction in being proven right. Hia attitude is this is what she leaves me for? I told him last night to give up the bitterness and live it up because while she is living with an abuser he is free from her crap and he should enjoy life. At least she pulled this crap before they had any kids.
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I completely agree. And I'll go even further to say that my opinion about you is even meaningless in the context of this thread, as this thread is not about you, which was the focal point of my last post. Thanks for the information. I do appreciate that you've chosen to address my humanity, then want to steer the thread back. Controlling, anyone? I suppose you would look down on someone like Viktor Frankl. He lost everything to the Nazis - his life's work, his wife who he loved very dearly. Yet he managed to look beoynd his own bitterness and has no hatred towards those who took so much away from him. That is something I deeply respect. Good for him! That is his choice in life. In order to have bitterness and hatred, you have to be angry... Once again, your life is as you make it. The sooner you take charge of your life, the less "mistakes" you have to live with. Some people stumble around with their lives, crashing into every kind of dysfunctional situation, then cry about it afterwards. This is how affairs begin. Crotch thinking. Other's sit back and consider their course of action, before taking each step, who are able to look back and say, "Hey, this is my life. I like it!".
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Now when I think about it I really do have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I would never wish for a person to be abused but there is a certain satisfaction in being proven right. Hia attitude is this is what she leaves me for? I told him last night to give up the bitterness and live it up because while she is living with an abuser he is free from her crap and he should enjoy life. At least she pulled this crap before they had any kids. That is most definitely the bright side!
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