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Posted

You all know my friend who had his wife leave him for another man that she was just so connected and attracted to. Well last night he beat the living crap out of her and my friend is gloating about it. At first I thought he was being cruel but he spent the past 2 years hearing every small flaw of his blwn up and hearing what a horrible husband he is compared to OM who she has this amazing connection to so to him this is karma coming back to bite her. He feels like this is what she wanted so this is what she gets.

Posted

So, you might want to prepare your testimony for the upcoming domestic battery trial. Since he talked to you about it, you may be called to testify. I'll assume she'll file charges against him.

 

His feelings are absolutely valid. His actions are deplorable and illegal. He should contact a lawyer now.

Posted
So, you might want to prepare your testimony for the upcoming domestic battery trial. Since he talked to you about it, you may be called to testify. I'll assume she'll file charges against him.

 

His feelings are absolutely valid. His actions are deplorable and illegal. He should contact a lawyer now.

 

My understanding of the post was that the new boyfriend beat this woman up, not Woggle's friend. Still pretty shabby to gloat about anyone getting beaten up though.

  • Author
Posted

My friend didn't beat her the OM did so I won't really have to testify.

Posted

You're probably making this up, but if not, I hope she called the police and had him charged!

You're friend sounds very immature as this incident is not related to him at all.

 

 

You all know my friend who had his wife leave him for another man that she was just so connected and attracted to. Well last night he beat the living crap out of her and my friend is gloating about it. At first I thought he was being cruel but he spent the past 2 years hearing every small flaw of his blwn up and hearing what a horrible husband he is compared to OM who she has this amazing connection to so to him this is karma coming back to bite her. He feels like this is what she wanted so this is what she gets.
Posted

Thanks for the correction. I got the "he's" mixed up :eek:

 

From that perspective, your friend still has a long way to go. I can't ever imagine wishing my wife harm or gloating about it, no matter how she's behaved wrt me. It goes to basic human decency. I think your friend needs to hear that from a friend....

  • Author
Posted

This is the same friend who has in the past encouraged me to divorce my wife and while I don't condone his current attitude who can blame him? He recently got his niceguy wakeup call and that can be a bitter pill for a men to swallow. Growing a spine is often a hard and long process for a man and he is in the middle of that process right now. When you think about it though his wife wanted some drama and excitment and she got it.

Posted

Yeah but just because you have your friend's perspective, doesn't mean he was a great of a husband as he claims. His wife wanted out of the marriage,they weren't compatible for whatever reason, they divorced, end of story.

He is sick in the head if he would gloat over the physical harm of someone. That's all there is to that.

 

This is the same friend who has in the past encouraged me to divorce my wife and while I don't condone his current attitude who can blame him? He recently got his niceguy wakeup call and that can be a bitter pill for a men to swallow. Growing a spine is often a hard and long process for a man and he is in the middle of that process right now. When you think about it though his wife wanted some drama and excitment and she got it.
Posted
Is my friend wrong for feeling this way?

You all know my friend who had his wife leave him for another man that she was just so connected and attracted to. Well last night he beat the living crap out of her and my friend is gloating about it. At first I thought he was being cruel but he spent the past 2 years hearing every small flaw of his blwn up and hearing what a horrible husband he is compared to OM who she has this amazing connection to so to him this is karma coming back to bite her. He feels like this is what she wanted so this is what she gets.

 

I don't think he's "wrong" to feel whatever it is that he feels. He's bound to be feeling some vindication that he was right all along and 'the grass truly wasn't greener'. And after two years of being picked apart, this is confirmation that his instincts and judgment were correct.

 

Further, his "gloating" insulates him just a bit. It keeps him from feeling sorry for his ex, and thus becoming vulnerable to any future overtures by her... so in that, it's serving a purpose.

 

I don't think any of this means your friend is a bad guy, Woggle. He's just an ordinary human being. ;)

Posted

1. You are shot at by some wacky ex

 

2. Your friends encourage you to divorce your current wife who by all accounts seems to have the patience of an angel

 

3. A woman gets "the crap beat out of her" and you are all just ha ha ha It's Karma!

 

4. The ex of this poor woman is "gloating" about the physical trauma she has just experienced because she quite obviously deserved it.

 

I say, your moral universe is a weird one and you come on here rather often to talk about this strange cabal of people around you ruining your life one way or the other, or, now, reveling in the misfortune of others. You do not know the whole story of your friend and this poor girl and what went wrong and while I am truly sorry your friend was hurt by her, it is no excuse for this kind of twisted schadenfreude (look it up).

 

And you come across as completely indifferent.

 

Ick.

 

OE

Posted

I don't think any of this means your friend is a bad guy, Woggle. He's just an ordinary human being. ;)

 

 

Huh?

 

Um. "Ordinary human beings" do not "gloat" about someone having the "living crap" beat out of them.

 

Some strange responses here...

 

Full moon tonight or what?

  • Author
Posted

I'm not indifferent but when she runs off with a known player what did she expect? It's horrible that she was beaten up but as KJ said the grass obviously was not greener.

 

I do have an interesting group of friends but I love them. They are a mess but they are my mess.

Posted

If the R with the OM ended, I could appreciate your friend feeling a little bit satisfied, who wouldn't?

But to be pleased that she had the living crap beaten out of her?

Thats bad, it shows how bitterness can poison your mind.

  • Author
Posted
If the R with the OM ended, I could appreciate your friend feeling a little bit satisfied, who wouldn't?

But to be pleased that she had the living crap beaten out of her?

Thats bad, it shows how bitterness can poison your mind.

 

I sort of agree. I watched this guy go from a nice gentle man to a bitter women hater and while I understand where it is coming from I hope this is just a phase for him.

Posted

When someone hurts us we all go through a certain degree of bitterness, its normal.

 

But you have a choice about what you do with that bitterness- you can let it consume you and influence every subsequent R you have, dooming them before they start, or you can let it empower you to be a stronger person and not get into that situation again.

Posted
Huh?

 

Um. "Ordinary human beings" do not "gloat" about someone having the "living crap" beat out of them.

 

Sure they do. ;)

 

For all intents and purposes, Woggle's friend had the "crap beat out of him" first. Only his bruises weren't on the outside. And it's not like he did the job on his ex himself afterall. Although, it certainly sounds like he'd been given enough incentive.

 

I've said before that a limited and healthy hate can serve it's purpose. Once Woggle's friend starts feeling a bit more safe, he will hopefully let it go. For right now, it's probably insulating him though.

 

Remind your friend Wog, that the goal is Indifference. See if you can move him in that direction. ;)

Posted

I must admit that if someone kicked the crap out my ex-H's ex-OW, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. Sometimes you can't help how you feel about a situation.

 

I would have been appalled if your friend had been the one to beat up his ex-cheating wife. That it was her OM, c'est la vie. Make your bed and lie in it.

Posted
Yeah but just because you have your friend's perspective, doesn't mean he was a great of a husband as he claims. His wife wanted out of the marriage,they weren't compatible for whatever reason, they divorced, end of story.

He is sick in the head if he would gloat over the physical harm of someone. That's all there is to that.

 

I totally agree here. If I had a SO betray me and/or leave me for another person, I would be bitter, yes. But to gloat over that person getting the crap beaten out of them? OMG, never. That's just sick.

Posted (edited)
I must admit that if someone kicked the crap out my ex-H's ex-OW, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. Sometimes you can't help how you feel about a situation.

Would you have gloated, or would you have been indifferent?

 

I would have been appalled if your friend had been the one to beat up his ex-cheating wife. That it was her OM, c'est la vie. Make your bed and lie in it.

Really? Why appalled in one situation, but not the other? How is there a distinction between different scenarios of anyone getting beaten to a pulp by a partner? Are you saying she deserved it? Would she have deserved broken bones, a lacerated spleen, coma, death? Is there a line at which her situation finally becomes appalling, instead of just "c'est la vie?"

 

It's unacceptable to hit a loving spouse - yes? - but does a walk-away wife deserve a few bruises, and a cheating walk-away wife deserve some broken bones, too? And damn, a cheating walk-away wife who neglects her kids, now does she deserve to end up in the hospital?

 

What's the physical price-list for emotional transgressions?

 

My standard is: no physical violence toward a partner, other than in defense against physical violence. The idea that "she beat him up emotionally, so she deserved to get beat up physically" doesn't work for me.

 

I understand and accept indifference, especially regarding someone you have disconnected from emotionally, but I don't get gloating.

Edited by Trimmer
Posted (edited)
Would you have gloated, or would you have been indifferent?
I won't lie to you Trimmer. I would have laughed and not felt bad about it at all. I'm no pacifist, by any stretch of the word.

 

Really? Why appalled in one situation, but not the other? How is there a distinction between different scenarios of anyone getting beaten to a pulp by a partner? Are you saying she deserved it? Would she have deserved broken bones, a lacerated spleen, coma, death? Is there a line at which her situation finally becomes appalling, instead of just "c'est la vie?"

 

It's unacceptable to hit a loving spouse - yes? - but does a walk-away wife deserve a few bruises, and a cheating walk-away wife deserve some broken bones, too? And damn, a cheating walk-away wife who neglects her kids, now does she deserve to end up in the hospital?

 

What's the physical price-list for emotional transgressions?

 

My standard is: no physical violence toward a partner, other than in defense against physical violence. The idea that "she beat him up emotionally, so she deserved to get beat up physically" doesn't work for me.

 

I understand and accept indifference, especially regarding someone you have disconnected from emotionally, but I don't get gloating.

It's beneath the cheated spouse to enact force. If the OM does it, this is the man she chose. Personal responsibility includes knowing the person you're getting involved with, especially when you've savaged someone emotionally, the person you committed to love, honour and cherish, for the rest of both your lives. I have zero tolerance and zero sympathy for cheaters of either gender.

Edited by Trialbyfire
Posted
Not ordinary in my bookI don't think any of this means your friend is a bad guy, Woggle. He's just an ordinary human being. ;)

 

"Ordinary" people don't gloat and celebrate at the extreme misfortune of others.

 

Case in point. The ex left me, cleaned out the house and the bank accounts, got half my retirement funds, moved in a boyfriend she'd met seven months before and spent the next 10 years severely alienating my two youngest daughters from me. She married the boyfriend before the ink was dry on the final divorce order.

 

The karma train started to roll.

 

Three and a half years later her husband was killed in a car accident. Seven years later my daughters moved out and in with an older sister and I got custody of the youngest (the other was 20 by then) away from the ex leaving her with no income as I stopped paying child support. She lost her home, had to move and actually had to get a job.

 

Four of our five children want little or nothing to do with her. She had to move in with our youngest son and his wife because she couldn't make it on her own. The IRS is after her because she never paid taxes on my retirement funds or her dead husband's. Six months ago she was crossing a street and was run over by a car.

 

When her husband was killed my wife and I sent our condolences and I offered any assistance she might need. I also sent her paperwork necessary for various claims under the law as the accident was a hit and run but the guilty party was discovered.

 

When she was hit by the car I again offered condolences.

 

It takes too much energy to hate. I'm decidedly not a fan of it. I don't like her, care for her, want anything to do with her but I have never wished her any harm and I never will.

 

Obviously I don't have to. She comes to it just the same.

Posted (edited)

If he can gloat at someone else's physical pain, it just goes to show his character. She may have left her husband for another man, but that does not make it alright that she was beaten up. She could have DIED. It does happen.

 

I hope she leaves this guy and her ex husband far behind. And I hope your friend doesn't let her actions during their marriage ruin the rest of his life. If he isn't already in counseling, he needs to be.

Edited by darlin_coco
Posted
It's beneath the cheated spouse to enact force. If the OM does it, this is the man she chose. Personal responsibility includes knowing the person you're getting involved with, especially when you've savaged someone emotionally, the person you committed to love, honour and cherish, for the rest of both your lives. I have zero tolerance and zero sympathy for cheaters of either gender.

Well, it's not inconsistent to additionally have zero tolerance and zero sympathy for people of either gender who violently injure their partners, their partners' past emotional transgressions notwithstanding.

 

Again, I can understand an indifference to the events from which one feels emotionally disconnected, but I take a personal stand against any kind of domestic violence, and I feel that any kind of a "heh, heh, she got what she deserved" attitude just promulgates the idea that there are some valid reasons for such violence, when there are not.

 

Perhaps put another way: Whether or not you can scare up any sympathy for the victim, the perpetrator certainly deserves scorn, and any gleeful response to the event pretty much validates his actions and lets him off the hook, doesn't it?

Posted

Until you've experienced cheating in a marriage with someone you deeply loved and trusted, perhaps then darlin_coco, you will begin to fathom that it's not all fun and games and sometimes, there's a price to pay for infidelity.

 

For the interim, I'm so glad that I gave, free of charge, all the information gathered by my PI, to the OWs betrayed husband at his behest. Don't know what's happening in their extended custody battle over their child but...she's most certainly lost her meal ticket. :)

Posted
Well, it's not inconsistent to additionally have zero tolerance and zero sympathy for people of either gender who violently injure their partners, their partners' past emotional transgressions notwithstanding.

 

Again, I can understand an indifference to the events from which one feels emotionally disconnected, but I take a personal stand against any kind of domestic violence, and I feel that any kind of a "heh, heh, she got what she deserved" attitude just promulgates the idea that there are some valid reasons for such violence, when there are not.

 

Perhaps put another way: Whether or not you can scare up any sympathy for the victim, the perpetrator certainly deserves scorn, and any gleeful response to the event pretty much validates his actions and lets him off the hook, doesn't it?

Trimmer, I expect nothing less than trash, from trash.

 

Let's pretend that she chose to take a cast iron frying pan to his head. It wouldn't have bothered me either.

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