wareagle Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 It's been almost four weeks now since she left me again. I can't seem to function, I feel as if I am just going through the motions day by day of living. I feel as if I can just make it through the day until time for bed I will be ok, but then the thought of waking up the next morning and going through the motions again is mind numbing. I am not excited about anything, I can't keep my mind off of her it doesn't matter what I do. I went to church this morning and cried throughout the service. I feel as I have no one to turn to, the only people that have been helping me out I know are getting tired of me talking about it and feeling sorry for myself. I don't know what to do this pain won't stop, I can't stop myself from thinking if only I would have done this or that, if I would have held her hand more or kissed her more I keep looking back and wishing I would have done these things more, although I did it as much as she wanted me to I just can't seem to think I didn't do it enough. I don't feel right now that I will ever get over her. She wasn't the best thing for me I know that, but I can't believe that this is really over. I miss talking to her texting her, hearing her voice, I miss all the annoying things about her that use to drive me crazy. My life is sh*t right now and honestly I don't know if it will ever be normal again.
sedgwick Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 The first month is hell. It really does get a little bit better. I'm 8 months out and still very sad and hurt, but it doesn't hurt like the first month. You just have to keep going.
Author wareagle Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 Thanks Sedg. I have read many of your posts on here and I feel your pain. I really hope 8 months out for me I will be well on my way to healing, hopefully? It just really sucks that you give everything you have to a relationship and you don't get the same in return. I have to move on. I find the times I really get down are when I am wondering where she is what she is doing who she is with is she sleeping with someone? I have been nc since the beginning and it just kills me. I want so bad to pick up the phone and call her and tell her everything that is going through my head, but I know I can't that will just put me back to square one.
Melvll Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 wearagle... Im so sorry things didnt work out. Im so scaired of feeling this pain. I am in unstable relationship right now and I sometimes wonder if I should break up. I know if I would break up.. I would feel the pain you are feeing.. so I wait.. let things slide, let time go by and I wonder everyday how I can try to make him change. Hes not a bad guy .. hes good to me.. but not enough. Not enough attention.. not enough emotions, not enough sex and work is always #1. That is just his personality .. I wont ever change that.
Author wareagle Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 I am in unstable relationship right now and I sometimes wonder if I should break up. I know if I would break up.. I would feel the pain you are feeing.. so I wait.. let things slide, let time go by and I wonder everyday how I can try to make him change. Hes not a bad guy .. hes good to me.. but not enough. Not enough attention.. not enough emotions, not enough sex and work is I know exactly how you feel, my ex and I were off and on for a year half, I to let things slide trying to avoid arguments that were pointless cause she never could see my side of the fence. She to is a good person, but I believe she has a personality disorder that will not allow her to communicate openly with me or anyone else for that matter. If you believe that it is his personality and you don't think things will ever change with him, I suggest getting out of this relationship. I to gave everything I had to make this girl happy, and while doing that I believe I have lost myself in the process. Remember this that people will not change unless they realize they have a problem, you can try your hardest to make them see what should be right before their eyes, but until they are ready to accept they have a problem then they will never change, and they will keep going down the same road they have been. Melvll, I'm not very good at giving advice to the brokenhearted, I hope this helps at least a little, just remember you are not the only one suffering in this world. this site has really opened my eyes, and helped me see the path I need to take. I know it is hard, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life, sometimes I don't think I will ever be able to live a normal life like I had before getting involved with my ex, but I am trying, damn am I trying. Stay strong.
flosslight Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 Like Sedg said, the first month is hell. It is the worst because the hurt and turmoil is so strong and so steady. There may be moments that are just as bad later but they do not happen so often (at least for me). I hated (absolutely detested) when people said it would just take time. I knew this to be true but I also wanted to be done with the pain, the rejection, and all of it. Just be at peace with it. It has been over four months for me and it is so much better now. I still cry pretty regularly but no where near the amount I did in the first four weeks and the pain is different, more remote. I got lucky in some ways because my ex does something seasonal where he basically disappears socially. I got used to seeing our mutual friends with no worries but now I'm dealing with the pain of running into him. I just did because I decided to go to a club we are both in. It was not horrible! When the break up first happened, when I saw him at the club, I tried to play games with him and I would cry so hard afterwards. So.... it gets better which helps none now. Sorry. Do what others say though, No Contact is great and so is working out or finding a new hobby. I also doubt your friends are getting sick of hearing about it. I had that worried about my friends but they told me that the relationship was a big part of my life and they would be there. Or heck even if they are getting sick of it, so what, you will be there for them if this happens to them.
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