russell25 Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 hi all im new to this, just wanting some help!! if someone can help. well me and my wife, who is the same age as me (24) are having a trial seperation as things are that messed up that all we ever do is argue whenever we're at home, the problem started 2 years ago when i asked her if she was cheating on me, she said no, so i took her answer, the thing is my friends and myself constantly had seen here with this guy most of the time, anyway things got that bad one night i had that much to drink i can home and asked if she loved me and she said NO. For some silly reason i went straight down stairs and put a knive to my wrists very stupid i know. she then left me and a couple of weeks later moved in with this guy, so i was thinking all sorts, Liar the lot. two months had passed and we got back together, everything was great again but we slipped into the same old routine. two years on and she came home after a night out about a month ago and told me that she didn't love me liked she used to, now that hurt me alot, and she said she needed time and space to find those feelings for me again. I've never had to give any of this so i didn't know how too! i asked her if there was anyone else, she said no, and i didn't believe her. then again one night we both went out seperate towns got drunk and i phoned her at 4am asking her where she was she told me getting some food and i accused her over the phone of being with a guy, i then drove home drunk and we argued in the street i asked her again does she love me, she said no again and then i did something so silly again, i jumped infront of a car!! WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!! since then our marrage is in pieces we're both seeing a counciller which is helping a little, but theres no feelings or emotion from my wife which i can understand shes angry and hurting but so am i... i know i need to change, i can come across a little controlling which i never used to be before the first time, and i've never trusted her again since last time! is that where i've gone wrong is all my defenses making this hard. she keeps telling me that this will make us stronger and i hope so cus she wants to build our friendship up first and find if she has any feelings for me. I won't go on sorry bout the essay but im so confused somebody Help
carhill Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 No doubt in my mind that you would benefit from individual counseling. Self-destructive behavior has nothing to do with your marriage. Regardless of whether your marriage survives, your emotional health depends on what you do for yourself. Work on you and let the rest just happen. It's out of your control.
Author russell25 Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 we are both currently seeing a counciler seperatly to start with the she wants us both to see her, as you can imagine i've stopped drinking, because when i've had too much to drink i become a different person so the non-alcohol is helping. the way we've both talked about this trial-seperation is that we see each other on certain days and do certain activities during the week with each other and with our little boy whos 3, which should bring us closer together, but she says like i said in my prevoius post she justs wants to build our friendship first cus admitidly were not friends at the moment and see what is left feelings wise and let it fall back into place naturally!!! GOOD IDEA??? ANSWERS PLEASE. i know i need to change some of my habits well alot of them and i hope this time apart helps, like the trust factor!!! thank-you for ur reply i really am struggling to cope and need sometimes just to write it down and tell somebody.
carhill Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Continue journaling and others will comment. How long have you been regularly seeing a counselor? It sounds like you are taking good steps here. Look back at this post in six months and see what you think then. I wish you well
Author russell25 Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 we've seen the counciler about 5 times and she keeps asking questions which i think are good because its reconising both our faults to fix. anyway won't go on much more!!!! but thank you for your reply its sometimes better when it comes from someone else on the outside of things rather than me not believing anything my wife says.... thanks... ladies if you want to comment then please do i would appreciate it very much not just for bettering myself but to get a more in-depth insite into what i will need to do..
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