the_otherhalf Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 It's been a while since I've been here. I wasn't ever a big contributor when I was, just one of the meek trawling along the bottom, mostly out of sight. It's been more than a year now since he left me. And what a year it's been. Three years ago, I never thought this would have even occurred, nor that I would have survived the year after. But here I am. The advice on this forum is solid, and if I hadn't listened to it, I don't know where I would be now. He broke up with me after a 4-year relationship last March. I begged and pleaded with him not to go (typical) for about two months. And that's when he dropped the bomb on me--he started dating someone else. But he was relentless about keeping me in his life. Through e-mails and requests to hang out, catch up and be friends, I had no idea where I fit into his life anymore. Finally, last October, I decided that I couldn't fit into his life, and that's when true NC started. As I should have predicted, that's when my dating life started again. The past year without the one that so many people thought was my "soul mate" has been tough. Harder than anything I've ever done. But I'm glad it was done and over. I've become someone so much better, and I never would have progressed had I stayed in that relationship. I am currently dating someone new, someone who has accepted me for all of this baggage that I'm still lugging around, someone who wants to work with me through the problems. I'm still fighting so many inner demons from that long relationship: feelings of inadequacy, a lack of emotion, jealousy, fear of expressing my true feelings. But at least now I am able to acknowledge them, realize that they are illogical feelings. I can't wait to reach the point where I can finally let go. Do I still dream about him? Yes. Do I think about him almost daily? Yes. But these no longer happen in terms of longing. In my dreams, he's just a distant someone. When I think about him, I just wonder what he's doing. I just wanted to thank everyone on this thread for all that they've contributed, mostly those who don't realize that so many people are out there silently reading your words and taking your advice to heart. So many anonymous people who I (unfortunately) will never meet or talk to again have helped me become a new and better person far more than the people I surrounded myself with. I hope that this post will offer some kind of "light at the end of the tunnel" feeling for at least one person. I know it's a cliche, but it's there. Of course it takes time, and I know for impatient people like myself that's the worst ordeal you could possibly ask for. But keep working, keep fighting, and, of course, keep reading. --the_otherhalf Happy that this username is no longer applicable.
motive2002 Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Thanks for your inspiration. I'm going through a rough time right now where I don't know if I'll ever stop thinking about her. I'm trying to do very little to no contact at this point. It hurts too much to hear from her now. She still wants to string me along. Tells me she still cares for me and loves me and such. I wonder if she has any idea how cruel that is to allow me a glimmer of hope for reconciliation? I like hearing from her.. I like knowing that I'm in her thoughts, but really it would probably be better if I never heard from her again. She tried to let me down easy, but the truth is my heart is broken, and she should feel guilty about it. Why should I have any compassion for someone that tore my heart out and stomped on it. Ok part of this is reaplying to your message.. and the other part is venting to keep from contacting her. It's easy to say these things here instead of calling her up. She dumped me for a reason. I need to dust myself off and look forward. It's not the end of the world, rather a new beginning. I have to keep telling myself that. I just hope her contact starts to subside. I really don't want to relive the pain every time a new text or e-mail comes in
infinite23 Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 very wise words. it really is just getting through the short term separation anxiety that is so difficult.
sid33 Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 It is only the short term thst is so difficult to get through....When I was going through what you are I was able to post here and stick to the N/C. It is the very best thing you can do for yourself. Sounds like you have a good outlook towards things in general. Won't be long til your posting on the dating threads about new dates......
tealeafbud Posted April 8, 2008 Posted April 8, 2008 Thanks so much for your post. It was very encouraging to read. Sometimes, it's hard to imagine the point where you are now, where most of us will be someday. Right now, for a lot of us, we are struggling with the NC or undecidedness of our situations. We're slowly getting through with the support of our loved ones and of this forum. As difficult as things are now, 5-10 years from now, it will seem like a distant memory. I'm looking forward to the future and taking each day one step at a time. I know what to do, but as they say, it's easier said than done. Take care, and good luck.
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