I feel like I've been manipulated!

[whymewhy]

I'm very eager to hear from people who have had this happened to them or just anybody with their sincere opinion. I feel like I'm lost and dont know what to do.

 

Here is my story:

 

I'm in college(24) and I met this girl who I thought liked me more than just friends. So, I invited her to the movies, I invited her a few times to dinner and we would go out almost every weekend to the club. I'm what I consider to be a nice guy and have the upmost respect for women. Anyways, I decided to ask her out on valentines and we ate at this nice restaurant ( I also sent her this great bouquet of flowers which she loved). In addition, I always helped her with her school work and we would study together at her house, at school, ect.

 

After all of this, I decided to tell her how I felt about her even though I knew she probably knew all about it. I just wanted to make it clear to her. To my surprise, she told me that she just wanted to be friends and that she did not feel the same way towards me. She said she never saw me as a dating partner. Now, dont get me wrong, I was very upset and I felt like she had stabbed me right through the heart but what really hurts me the most was the fact the even though she knew I liked her, and she clearly knew that she did not liked me as a dating partner, Why didnt she tell me she just wanted to be friends after seeing all the signs that I was interested in her?

 

If she just wanted to be friends, accepting my invitation on valentines day to a restaurant was a clear sign in my part that I was interested in her and she should have at least told me to either basically back off or just simply say something like "I just want to be friends". Why did she have to wait until the end to tell me this?

 

I fell like I've been somewhat manipulated because I helped her at basically everything.

 

Am I wrong to say that she should have set some kind of boundary knowingly full well that I liked her and she didnt liked me?

 

The other problem is that I see her at all of my classes and playing the NC card is going to be very difficult.

 

What should I do? Please I need advice because I could not sleep yesterday and feel extremely depressed.

 

Thanks

[johan]

This girl is irrelevant. You feel depressed because of how you feel about yourself. Because you thought you were doing things right and getting good feedback, and then the whole thing turned out to be a mirage. It's your own judgment that you can't trust, and that's very depressing. It makes you feel like you let your feelings lead you down a blind path into a brick wall. You didn't have control. You'll continue feeling depressed until you come to terms with the following:

1) how to believe that a girl will actually dig you some day.

2) how to believe you'll never allow yourself to be in a situation where you're not in control like this again.

3) how to forgive yourself for what happened.

 

When you have those three things conquered, then you won't have any more negative feelings associated with this girl.

[sally4sara]

It was wrong of her to accept you spending money on her as you would a girlfriend without cluing you in. Some people are just selfish; which is one way to look at her actions. Some people are just terrified of confrontation and/or hurting a nice person's feelings. This could also be how it was to her. It doesn't make it right and obviously just makes things worse.

In the future, spend your time only. Your company is all that should be spent in an attempt to woo a girl. Anything more just leads to you feeling used and resentful if your goal can't be reached.

You can get a great girlfriend. But you have to believe in yourself enough that you don't feel as if you need to spend a bunch of money and make someone the center of your world right off the bat. Being the center of someone's world is a lot of pressure to be under especially if you don't have as much invested in them yet. You put her way above you and made her wonder why she would wish to be with someone so below her. You are not below her, but that approach always leads to that impression. Do it too much and you will end up like some of these other bitter guys on here who think you have to act like a jerk to get a girl's attention. Don't act like a jerk; act like an equal.

[witabix]

I agree with the above posts.

 

When we rely on other people's perceptions matching ours, without telling them openly, then we court disaster.

 

Do not assume that the person is picking up the signals, be direct about your feelings.

 

I don't mean be all up in peoples faces, just add a few words to your actions.

 

You seem like a nice dude, you will have no problems meeting someone that suits you.

 

Chin up man, chalk it down to life experience.

[MalachiX]

Out of curiosity, did you and this girl ever kiss, hold hands, anything along those lines?

 

It does sound like she was a bit willing to lead you on but it also may be that you allowed yourself to be let on if you went on a number of dates and still didn't do any of the above activities. It also could be that you came on too strong and she got scared or not strong enough and she "friended" you.

 

The bottom line is it doesn't do much good to be angry. You havn't lost anything of great importance (save your money) and it wasn't even a relationship yet. If you're feeling depressed then perhaps there are bigger issues going on.