TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 A lot of times, probably almost all the time, a woman will send mixed messages. I don't think I need to give examples as everyone knows and has sen them. When a woman gives me mixed messages, I generally conclude that she's not that interested and/or she's playing games. Isn't this true? So when I get mixed messages I respond with mixed messages. But if the girl is playing mixed messages games, then it seems like she'll conclude that she hasn't played enough mixd messages and will increase her mixed messages and I in turn increase mine. Eventually this can escalate to critical mass and the whole ineraction explodes and the interaction doesn't have a positive ending.
Kamille Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Eventually this can escalate to critical mass and the whole ineraction explodes and the interaction doesn't have a positive ending. I'm not afraid of negative endings, so long as the viscious cycle of mixed messages has an ending. when I get too confused, I invariably pick option a) he's not interested. Which leaves me free to think about other thinks, like global warming or what to cook for my cousin.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 I'm going to be honest with you here, Fonz. Have you ever considered batting for the other team? You are very angry toward women and feel we all have this agenda and we make the dating process difficult and not fun. So if women are so awful and we do all these awful things in the dating process, why not date men? I don't get it. Too bad you read into things too much and didn't even see there was 2 questions in my post. How come posters are allowed to insinuate someone's gay (not that there's anything wrong with it) and basically a misogynist, but if I ask a poster an innocent question about weight to try to offer helpful suggestions and I'm flagged?
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 I'm not afraid of negative endings, so long as the viscious cycle of mixed messages has an ending. when I get too confused, I invariably pick option a) he's not interested. Which leaves me free to think about other thinks, like global warming or what to cook for my cousin. So you are saying the other person should respond to mixed meesages with more interests and not with mixed messages? but was the girl who kept playing mixed messages not really interested or what?
BUENG1 Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 So you are saying the other person should respond to mixed meesages with more interests and not with mixed messages? but was the girl who kept playing mixed messages not really interested or what? No you should just move on and fine someone else.
carhill Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 OP, stick to your attraction style and ignore any signs of game playing. Set your mental limit and absorb all games within that limit. When limit is reached, leave. You can't change the style/personality of the person you're with, only yourself. It sure saves on a lot of anger
Kamille Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 So you are saying the other person should respond to mixed meesages with more interests and not with mixed messages? but was the girl who kept playing mixed messages not really interested or what? Well, if I'm really interested in someone, I always feel the need to give them one last chance before I finally bow out. So, yes, I will respond to mixed message with more interest ONCE. Then, if nothing happens, I put them in the "he's not interested *enough*" category. But, I'm a woman, as you well know, so I'm never really the one who has to make the moves, or ask the guy out. (I've done both, mind you, but have learned it's usually better to let the guy make the moves). I'm thinking about guys who intrigued me last summer, and who were sending mixed signals. One of them I feel was trying to gage his interest level for me (then I met my bf), another I still can't figure out why he never asked me out. But most guys did actually ask me out. So, my question is, if you're interested in a girl enough to consider entering into a cycle of mixed signals, why not just ask her out and have a clear answer?
blind_otter Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Eh, it totally depends on the people involved. I gave my SO mixed messages like crazy when he first started to pursue me. Luckily (for me) he was persistent and never wavered in his affection for me, and eventually I was able to conquer my inner demons of fear of committment that led me to send mixed messages, and I was finally able to fully commit to him - several months after we first met.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 No you should just move on and fine someone else. So you are of the school of thought that a girl who is really interested doesn't send mixed messages and you should only interact with girls who don't send mixed messages? This is what I basically do now, i.e., I don't make it clear what my interest is and I find someone else. I was just wondering if this the best way to go.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 So, my question is, if you're interested in a girl enough to consider entering into a cycle of mixed signals, why not just ask her out and have a clear answer? Because if she's playing mixed mesages she might say no, or worse yet, she might say yes and then flake.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 Eh, it totally depends on the people involved. I gave my SO mixed messages like crazy when he first started to pursue me. Luckily (for me) he was persistent and never wavered in his affection for me, and eventually I was able to conquer my inner demons of fear of committment that led me to send mixed messages, and I was finally able to fully commit to him - several months after we first met. That was a cool story, but I don't want pursue someone for months on the gamble that she might not ever come around. When you said it took "several months for you to finally commit to him" how many months, how long did it take before you went out on a date, and how long was it before you got intimate?
Kamille Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Because if she's playing mixed mesages she might say no, or worse yet, she might say yes and then flake. Afraid of rejection? Fair enough. Then the best way to handle dating is to cast your net wide and not set all your hopes on one person.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 There are usually two instances when I give mixed messages. 1. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. In this case, this game continues on for a while before slowly dying out. 2. I'm not completely interested in the person, but there is enough there to not want to call it a day yet. I might be interested in two people at once, or I might be unsure of the person. I might have some reservations about someone so I keep a little distance while continuing to get to know them. If you are getting mixed messages from someone, it is best to cast your net a little wider as other posters have advised. Then you won't care so much if that one person isn't completely responsive.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 Afraid of rejection? Fair enough. Then the best way to handle dating is to cast your net wide and not set all your hopes on one person. It's not so much I'm afraid of anything as it is why bother? I already cast a wide net and never set all my hopes on one person, but for efficiencies sake I was just wanting to better be able to identify which ones are worth of "setting my hopes on" and which ones are not.
sweetbutcheeky Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Someone get him a woman manual. Ok I'm not sure if there is such a thing, well I have heard of some books that are close with an index for the men in the back to look up what woman mean. My point is woman and men sometimes speak different languages. The woman will be saying something that she thinks is perfectly clear and the guy hears it and is still clueless to what she means. It doesn't mean that she is playing games or that he is stupid. Could it be that to you it looks like mixed messages but to her it's all straight forward? If I say I am fine no matter the tone, I'm not fine! LOL
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 There are usually two instances when I give mixed messages. 1. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages. In this case, this game continues on for a while before slowly dying out. 2. I'm not completely interested in the person, but there is enough there to not want to call it a day yet. I might be interested in two people at once, or I might be unsure of the person. I might have some reservations about someone so I keep a little distance while continuing to get to know them. If you are getting mixed messages from someone, it is best to cast your net a little wider as other posters have advised. Then you won't care so much if that one person isn't completely responsive. So you're conforming my conclusion that the girl isn't that interested and is playing mixed messages games and will continue to play them even if I stop playing mixed messages, and so I should just walk away and focus on other girls. This is how I've been going about it.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 Someone get him a woman manual. Ok I'm not sure if there is such a thing, well I have heard of some books that are close with an index for the men in the back to look up what woman mean. My point is woman and men sometimes speak different languages. The woman will be saying something that she thinks is perfectly clear and the guy hears it and is still clueless to what she means. It doesn't mean that she is playing games or that he is stupid. Could it be that to you it looks like mixed messages but to her it's all straight forward? If I say I am fine no matter the tone, I'm not fine! LOL OK I didn't say anything about vague messages, I said mixed messages. That is, playing hot and cold, showing interest one second and disinterest the next, etc. I didn't think I needed to explain what mixed messages were.
Ocean-Blue Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 OK I didn't say anything about vague messages, I said mixed messages. That is, playing hot and cold, showing interest one second and disinterest the next, etc. I didn't think I needed to explain what mixed messages were. What if her "mixed messages" are in response to what she perceives to be YOUR mixed messages?
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 What if her "mixed messages" are in response to what she perceives to be YOUR mixed messages? But what if my "mixed messages" are in response to what I perceive as to be HER mixed messages? Besides I don't play hot and cold .
Ocean-Blue Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 But what if my "mixed messages" are in response to what I perceive as to be HER mixed messages? Besides I don't play hot and cold . If you don't play hot and cold, why are you wasting your time with someone who does? What does this say about YOU?
sweetbutcheeky Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 OK I didn't say anything about vague messages, I said mixed messages. That is, playing hot and cold, showing interest one second and disinterest the next, etc. I didn't think I needed to explain what mixed messages were. I know what mixed message are thank you. I am saying that maybe to her she isn't being hot and cold, has always been interested or never was ...
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 No, I'm not saying just drop the whole thing. You probably need to evaluate whether or not you are also giving mixed messages. You say you are not and you may believe that, but I'm just asking if you are sure about that. What I meant in the second part of my post is simply that I'm not sure about this guy. Isn't that what dating is all about? Getting to know someone? You can't always be sure right away. When you say mixed messages, can you elaborate? That's a pretty broad term.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 No, I'm not saying just drop the whole thing. You probably need to evaluate whether or not you are also giving mixed messages. You say you are not and you may believe that, but I'm just asking if you are sure about that. Yes I'm sure, about as sure as is possible. What I meant in the second part of my post is simply that I'm not sure about this guy. Isn't that what dating is all about? Getting to know someone? You can't always be sure right away. Not sure or not interested, but the question is how to determine between disinterest and interested when a person is showing signs of both? When you say mixed messages, can you elaborate? That's a pretty broad term. Playing hot and cold, and showing signs of being interested and disinterested. I'm not sure how I can explain it any better with out giving a detailed example. I just thought it was common sense what signs of interest and disinterest are.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 I know what mixed message are thank you. I am saying that maybe to her she isn't being hot and cold, has always been interested or never was ... But the question is how does the other person tell whether the other person is interested or never was? I find it hard to believe that an interested or disinterested peson either one couldn't realize or not be intentionally sending signals contrary to how they feel.
Author TheFonz Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 If you don't play hot and cold, why are you wasting your time with someone who does? What does this say about YOU? I never said I was wasting my time with people who play hot and cold. You seem to be saying they are a waste of time. Determining if they are a waste of time or not was the whole point of this thread. But I think you are implying that mixed messages are rare but they are definitely not. Blind-otter even said she played mixed messages with a guy for months and is now in a relationship. So I don't think the answer is that clear.
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