doogal Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 My boyfriend of 13 years has informed me that he is leaving me for his ex who he hasn't seen for 16 years. They had a child together when he was 17, they broke up and never kept in contact, she married someone else shortly after and her husband adopted his child. He never had any contact with them except he saw his child twice when she was a baby, now she is 16. The mother wrote to him a couple of months ago to say that she told her daughter who her real dad was and that their daughter would like to meet him. So they started meeting at the mall to hang out the three of them. He started acting really depressed, like he was being tormented, I asked him what was wrong and all he said was "I need to cope". He has a lot of guilt about not being around for his daughter and giving her up for adoption. The mother also started telling him that her husband was very abusive and had tried to kill her. The worse thing is her husband molested their daughter and the three other daughters that she had with this abuser. He is in prison now which is good, but a lot of terrible things have happened to this family. The other thing is the mother is now engaged and lives with her fiance, but she has been telling my boyfried that she still loves him and she always has. He told me if he would have been a part of their lives maybe this bad stuff might not have happened. His daugher has been telling him every day that her moms current boyfriend is very mean and disrespectful to her mother, and that she is very unhappy. The funny thing is he always treated me like I was the most important thing to him and always acted like he loved me, till recently. This is very hard for me as I love him very much and I don't want to let him go. I have a lot of other things to say but this is too long! I hope this makes sense and if anyone has any advise or comments thanks is advance.
City_girl Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 I am so sorry to read this post, you must be so confused. I don't know what to say except if it were me I would move out and give him some space. Or let him move out. It is a cleche but it's true, let him go and if he comes back he' s yours for keeps, if he doesn't then your better to know that become embroiled in the mess that these two have made of their lives. I don't think you can blame anyone, things happen when were young and the sins of the parents are undoubtably visited on the children. It's a very sad situation for all of you. You have to preserve your sanity and this situation could drive you crazy as you no doubt love and care for this man very much. I wish you well.
witabix Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 This sounds like a truly bad position for you all. The guilt he feels is real. It wasn't his fault, but he has rationlised it that way. That guilt will be tripping all kinds of switches in his head, it must be awful. It must be awful for you too, to watch the man you love get turned inside out this way. Was that all he said when you asked him what was wrong? 'I need to cope' Try to get him to talk to you more about what he is feeling, if you think that is possible. Other than that I can't say much more. I feel for you and hope you find your way through. Post more about it, if you wish, get it off your chest here. There are plenty of people here who will offer any help and advice they can.
Recommended Posts