To Feel good again

[Theorem]

At what point (im sure it depends on the person though) do you let go of your EX after a breakup. I mean in the sense that...you dont really MISS them. Not just the fact that your super hurt anymore. Im past that but i just still feel like i wish i had her attention etc. Loneliness? i rarely talk to her, almost never see her either.

 

I figured that in order to really meet someone later on, id have to learn to be happy now with myself otherwise maybe id just bring that along into another relationship. Does that make sense? Although i havent been looking for anyone, i still feel like im lagging too much about the past and feel like now after almost a year...i should be happy again

[Issues & tissues]

Theorem.

 

I don't really have an asnwer to your question as everybody is different. I guess that it takes as long as it needs to take.

 

However, I can totally relate to what your saying. I really wish this indescribable (i.e. sadness, loneliness, anger, self-pity, low self-esteem, blah, blah, blah) feeling would just finally go away!

 

Some days I'm fine but the last week or so feels like I have had a relapse...just when I thought I was getting over him. Sigh.

Edited April 5, 2008 by Issues & tissues

[Ashbash11]

Like Issues And Tissues said, it takes as long as it needs to take to move on from your ex.. Everyone is different. It took me 2 years to get over mine, because I was stupidly trying to pursue a "friendship" with him and we had daily contact. I've found that when you still have regular contact with them, you never fully move on, because a part of you is still stuck in the past.

 

For this reason, I think it's great that at least you do not have regular contact with your ex!! Another thing I have found is that you stop missing them when you get into a new relationship/start dating someone you really like. This is what's happened to me. When you are single and lonely, you tend to think about them more and miss them a lot. My advice: get out there and start meeting new girls! It doesn't matter if it doesn't work out at first.. at least you are opening yourself up to new people and potential relationships.

[sandflea]

I think you need to stay busy and try very hard to convince yourself that you weren't left because there's something wrong with you. That was the hardest part for me, because before my ex left me she'd litterally spent MONTHS picking apart our relationship. Everything was always my fault, of course.

 

It depends on the circumstances of your breakup - but regardless. You need to fully, completely and totally be happy being yourself again before the lonely feeling depart. My breakthrough/watershed event was a hookup (in Mexico over New Years - but anyway). Once you start feeling sexy, confident, desirable and grounded again all of the bad stuff (or most of it) goes away. I think it's also important to remind yourself of a few things along the way:

 

You deserve to be happy

You deserve to be loved, and to love with a full heart

You deserve to be care free

You are attractive, strong, sexy and fine

You have incredible God-given virtue that no one can take away from you

You are talented, smart, funny and alive

 

Oh, yeah - and a few more things:

 

I have it on good authority that sunshine and cold beer are still plentiful, cheap and just as enjoyable (if not more so) than you recall.

Beautiful people are everywhere - many are single - and, yes, they're checking you out.

What you had before is gone, but in time you'll come to see what you had, not necessarily what you lost.

You're going to be stronger, healthier, wiser and more charismatic for having lived through this.

 

You're a survivor. Give yourself more time.

 

Try to see the humor in your situation. There's nothing wrong with you that a little time and warm weather won't fix. Try to laugh at yourself.

 

As No Foolin' noted in his EPIC post - no one is feeling sorry for you but you. Don't confuse boredom with lonliness. All of this will pass - and you'll be off onto your next great adventure.

 

SF