Should I worry? Long Post.

[Nevermind]

My boyfriend and I are going through a rough time right now. As it happens, I am also in a more demanding phase of depression, so I need to focus alot on not doing anything stupid and I fear that my judgement might be tainted. So help me and tell me if I should worry about any of this.

 

So here's what I've been noticing.

 

A) I don't have his new phone number. He dropped it to me about 2 weeks ago, that he had a new number and that he had wanted to give me a call, but that it hadn't worked. I asked him if he could give me the number, but he said he didn't want to look for the number as he didn't know it by heart then. The last part is odd, since he really loves numbers and usually learns every new number within an hour or so. I still don't know the number.

 

B) He had a line from a song on his skype profile. It was a line about blue eyes. Well...my eyes are brown. I asked him about it, just casually, and he immediately changed it into something else. He always has song lines and he has never changed them like this before. This doesn't have to mean anything, but I noticed it.

 

C) We don't have much contact. The last two weeks amount to 2 hours of chatting, mostly in 10-20 minute sessions. The thing that makes me nervous here, is that a couple of times he said a time where he'd be online and I was waiting for him, but he never turned up. Or turned up really late and left after 10 minutes.

 

D) He get's passive-aggressive. Since he usually leaves very fast I made myself respond casually to this. I just say "bye", when he announces that he has to leave. [i had the problem of being too clingy before, and many posters here helped me to see that I need to be more relaxed. So I make a point about not being clingy.] It's always the same pattern

 

Him: "I have to...."

Me: "Ok, byebye"

Him: Off

 

And twice he broke that pattern by announcing it without leaving right away and he got mad when I just said byebye. Am I supposed to be clingy? When I tried to defend myself he went into the usual "whatever, never mind, it doesn't matter" and refused to talk about it. To be honest, I didn't respond well to this and once lost it and used swear words. I feel bad about that, I apologized. But he, as usual, didn't accept an apology.

 

E) I don't have his schedule. He had promised to send it to me, but he never did. I told him that he doesn't need to, if he doesn't want to (here passive-aggressive response again), but that it would be nice to know when I could call him. I basically can't call him now because I don't know when he is at home and I am not supposed to call in the evening. He lives with his parents (cultural thing) and doesn't want to disturb them/occupy the phone.

 

Sorry, this is very long, but I tried to be as neutral as possible and describe the situations as they were.

[Miad's Princess]

Hey Hunni Iv not read your previous posts so I am just going on what I have read today. Firstly you say you have depression which as you also say could be tainting your judgement although this could be possibly true, don't rule out the fact that these things are an issue for you probably with or without the depression go with your gut. If these things happened to me I would feel concerned too

 

A) He has a new phone number and you still don't have it (I am assuming it's a cell phone). This would really bother me too. I think you need to ask him again for it the next time you talk and if he says "I can't be bothered going to look for the number" tell him that it would mean a lot to you if he did....hunni if he cares for you he will put your feelings first.

 

B) The song about blue eyes at first glance you could brush it off by saying it's only a song, but him changing it so fast seems odd and strange. If it didn't have a particular meaning behind it he would have told you that and wouldn't have changed it to another song right?

 

C) Long distance relationships are so hard and we need the contact to keep us going, it's not good to turn up late for chats or not turn up at all this is really disrespectful (would he like it) unless an emergency came up theres no reason why ur online dates should be effected.

 

D) Again online dates should have set times there is no need for him to come online and go quickly offline again. If he doesn't have a lot of time to spend with you, it's okay as long as you know in the beginning. He could say something like I can only stay for ?? minutes that way you know when he will go off and he isn't just rushing away. Better still your online dates could have set times something you can look forward too.

 

E) If having his schedule makes you feel better then ask him for it again, don't say if you don't want to give me it it's okay say I would like it do you mind giving me it?

As for not being able to call at night, can you call throughout the day, have you ever spoke to his parents? are you 100% sure it's his parents he lives with, I'm not trying to sound bad but it's a red flag if someone says you can only call at set times. Could he have a gf or wife he lives at home with? I hope not.

 

Best wishes hunni, Keep us posted

[Nevermind]

Thanks for the reply, princess.

 

As for not being able to call at night, can you call throughout the day, have you ever spoke to his parents? are you 100% sure it's his parents he lives with, I'm not trying to sound bad but it's a red flag if someone says you can only call at set times. Could he have a gf or wife he lives at home with? I hope not.

I visited him once, so I am sure he lives with his parents. He does not want them to know that I call, as they do not know that I am his girlfriend. Therefore I won't try to call in the evening. I tried to call during the day a couple of times the last month, he never answered. I know he studies a lot so this does not make me suspicious. It just makes it hard to keep in contact. There are no set times, I only call after he gives me a green light online. Which, you might guess it, didn't happen too often in the last time. Set times would actually be a great improvement, haha!

 

I don't think he is cheating, it just feels as if something isn't quite right and I don't want my flawed perception to take over. So, the lovely loveshackers have to help me out, once again.

[cat-power]

I had issues like this with my (i guess) ex now, there is more to it, but to make a long story short...I confronted him (sweetly) per email and haven't heard from him since, which is now 6wks ago !

 

My advice, better to find out sooner than later that he's loosing interest or doesn't have the great personality you thought he had.

 

Confront him !

[Miad's Princess]

Thanks for the reply, princess.

 

I visited him once, so I am sure he lives with his parents. He does not want them to know that I call, as they do not know that I am his girlfriend. Therefore I won't try to call in the evening. I tried to call during the day a couple of times the last month, he never answered. I know he studies a lot so this does not make me suspicious. It just makes it hard to keep in contact. There are no set times, I only call after he gives me a green light online. Which, you might guess it, didn't happen too often in the last time. Set times would actually be a great improvement, haha!

 

I don't think he is cheating, it just feels as if something isn't quite right and I don't want my flawed perception to take over. So, the lovely loveshackers have to help me out, once again.

 

You visited him and I am assuming his parents were out (if that's who he lives with like he says) but what if he doesn't do you feel 100% confident that is who he lives with? I don't understand why you can only call when he gives you the green light this would make me very unhappy

 

Have you guys ever talked about the future? I mean soon enough his parents would find out about you if you decide to commit, although I hope he isn't losing interest. Maybe you should send him a long email in the mean time before you talk to him again.

 

Best Wishes!

[Nevermind]

I am sorry, but I will no longer respond to this thread, nor open any other on any matter. He is obviously reading this forum, albeit he promised not to.

 

Thanks for the answers, I really appreciate it, but I don't feel comfortable writing anything about it anymore. Knowing that he reads it, makes it into a mind game. I don't want that.

 

Thanks a lot, you were very helpful.

[Miad's Princess]

I am sorry about that. Hope everything works out for you.