Cov Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I had a wonderful evening tonight with a woman whom I met a few months ago, I met her at a bar and we got acquainted and talked for a few hours, we traded numbers and have been texting and speaking to each other on the phone regularly and I have even seen her around my city in many different clubs and bars since we met, we've always got on well, so well in fact she asked me if I'd like to come out on a date? I accepted her proposition and tonight we went out to some jazz themed bar, had some drinks and just relaxed, I wasn't particular nervous tonight and I thoroughly enjoyed my evening as did she. You're probably thinking what's wrong? Well she is 23 (going on 24 in June) and I'm 19 going on 20 next January. The age gap doesn't bother me much, but her social footing does bother me. She has done so much with her life already, she has travelled to a lot of countries and has to been a lot of countries I want to go to at some point. She has all the qualifications she'll ever need, she drives a nice car, has her own rented apartment which she shares with a friend, she has a nice job and there's me, I'm the complete opposite to her. I'm still gaining my qualifications, I'm still in dreamland to some extent, I work at a pet store on the weekends and I still live with my parents. She would like to go on a second date next weekend, but I'm not so sure, she wants to get to know me better and I want to get to know her better, but seriously why would a 23 year old woman want to a pursue a relationship with someone younger than her, who still lives like a slobbish teenager? It just doesn't make sense to me, I'm flattered, but I think we are two different stages of our lives to really have a successful relationship. I've accepted her invitation to our next date, but I think I might just cut it short and call things off, I think I'd be much more comfortable with someone on the same field as me. If anyone has thoughts and advice then feel free to particpate.
shanny Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 It sounds like she is a rare, nonjudgmental person and that is great. Have you been straight with her about your situation, or have you led her to beleive that you are more like her? From what you wrote, it sounds like you have been straight with her and that's good. She has probably dated guys that are more like her than you are, but if she's dating you, then obviously none of those worked out. Just don't think of yourself as less of a person than she is. She has a few years on you and I'm sure you will be wherever you want to be by the time you are her age. It's not like you guys are the same age and she has accomplished so much more. If you are not comfortable, then go ahead and end it. But if you like her I would keep seeing her. She obviously sees past your differences and likes you as a person. That is rare. Good luck.
Author Cov Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Shanny, she seems very nice indeed and she is very attactive on top of having what seems like a kick a*s personality. She wasn't put off by the fact I spend more time than her getting ready . She just laughed about it, but we get on well, I was just a little startled that she has her life pretty much made and there's me not knowing if I'm coming or going. I guess I should be more open minded shouldn't I? If she doesn't see it as a problem then I guess I shouldn't either. I will go out with her next week and see how it goes, there's chemistry between us though, I'm pleased I have been able to attract someone like her, even if it is strange to me.
tanbark813 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Well no offense but I think it would be retarded to turn down a good chick with her shyt together because it makes you insecure about your station in life. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Author Cov Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Well no offense but I think it would be retarded to turn down a good chick with her shyt together because it makes you insecure about your station in life. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. You have a point, I am insecure about my station in life now, I wasn't before I met her and secondly what happens if she starts driving me around like my parents used to, what happens if she patronizes me etc. It could easily happen, and what happens if she thinks I am too immature and what the hell would I have in common with any of her friends etc. I guess there's only one way to find out.
PinkKittyKat Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 You have a point, I am insecure about my station in life now, I wasn't before I met her and secondly what happens if she starts driving me around like my parents used to, what happens if she patronizes me etc. It could easily happen, and what happens if she thinks I am too immature and what the hell would I have in common with any of her friends etc. I guess there's only one way to find out. Yes, wait for that to actually happen before you decide it WILL and shoot yourself in the foot! Congrats, she sounds like a real catch!!!! Don't be so down on yourself, you caught her interest didn't you?
tanbark813 Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 You have a point, I am insecure about my station in life now, I wasn't before I met her and secondly what happens if she starts driving me around like my parents used to, what happens if she patronizes me etc. It could easily happen, and what happens if she thinks I am too immature and what the hell would I have in common with any of her friends etc. I guess there's only one way to find out. Exactly. What happens if you get struck by lightning or hit by a car? Who knows? Who cares? Carpe diem, my man.
Author Cov Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 You guys are right, I'm just being immature and silly, I'm not sure why that is, I mean I know I'm attractive and I have all the self confidence going, I've just never attracted someone a few years older than me before and someone a few levels above my station. I'll just see what happens and stop worrying about it, I should practise what I preach and stop being a hypocrite.
Author Cov Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 I've gotten over the above factors after your comments and I'm feeling fine, but how does a younger man become more assertive? This girl has her shyt organised and is more than happy to make arrangements and whilst she likes to hear my input it seems she is more assertive than me. We're going to the theatre next saturday, all arranged by her and I want to do something afterwards, I'll talk to her about, but at the moment I look like a cute little bunny rabbit who couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag, usually my grapefruits are larger than currently. Is it because this is new to me or do I lack a backbone in general and how can I make myself more assertive?
thehappycynic Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 I've gotten over the above factors after your comments and I'm feeling fine, but how does a younger man become more assertive? This girl has her shyt organised and is more than happy to make arrangements and whilst she likes to hear my input it seems she is more assertive than me. We're going to the theatre next saturday, all arranged by her and I want to do something afterwards, I'll talk to her about, but at the moment I look like a cute little bunny rabbit who couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag, usually my grapefruits are larger than currently. Is it because this is new to me or do I lack a backbone in general and how can I make myself more assertive? You make yourself more assertive by being assertive, silly. In general, people either are passive or assertive. Some women prefer the passive men, others, the assertive men. It sounds like she enjoys the passive men (in other words, she likes to be in charge), so I don't think you have to worry. If she hints that she'd like you to make more of the decisions, DO. It's as simple as asking HER out yourself, choosing the restaurant, picking her up, etc. Being assertive is not that hard. It just requires confidence.
Author Cov Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 I've got enough confidence, but I don't want to offend, I usually like to have some of authority if you understand me. I'd like it to be 50/50, not 70/30 if that makes sense? I'll let her arrange the next date, but the one after, I'd like it to be a joint decision if you understand what I'm saying. I don't see why two people can't arrange things together without one having to be passive and the other one assertive.
thehappycynic Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I've got enough confidence, but I don't want to offend, I usually like to have some of authority if you understand me. I'd like it to be 50/50, not 70/30 if that makes sense? I'll let her arrange the next date, but the one after, I'd like it to be a joint decision if you understand what I'm saying. I don't see why two people can't arrange things together without one having to be passive and the other one assertive. Because one partner is always dominant. If both personalities are equal, or dominant, you have two people butting heads all day long. If both personalities are passive, the you have two people who take 6 hours to decide where to eat dinner. By nature, one will be dominant. Not wanting to "offend" makes you the passive one here, as you'll always be waiting for her cues or waiting for it to be a "joint" decision. Why not just call her and say, "There's this great new restaurant I'd like to take you to. Are you free on Friday? Excellent! I'll pick you up at 7." That's assertive. Here's the passive way: "There's this great new restaurant in town. Want to try it? I hear it's pretty good. Oh, you don't like Thai food? Ok, then, we can eat somewhere else. Oh, you want Ethiopian instead? Ok, I've never eaten there before. Yeah, you can pick me up at 7. Thanks." By not taking the lead, you are offering her the lead. See how that works?
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