London Girl Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I like to obtain other peoples view on my current situation and find out if I am being too intense with my current relationship. I've been dating my guy for nearly 3 weeks. We met on the internet. He has literally been staying round mine most nights at his request. He refers to me as his girlfriend and his family and friends know about me. The thing that is bothering me is that I know he more or less every day still logs onto the dating site we met on. He has 3 unexpired months left. I confronted him about this and he tells me that I obviously don't trust him by having to check up on him and the reason he logs on is just to see who has winked/emailed him but he does not plan to meet up with anyone as he is with me. I've been hurt badly in the past and I am cautious with new relationships. Am I being too hard on him. I've never dated a guy from the internet and find this all strange by the fact that we are in a relationship but he is still "surfing". The other issue I have with him is that I am sensible and financially stable whereas he is 35, in debt and rents a room with other people so I question whether he is reliable enough for me since I am now ready to meet someone with the potential to eventually settle down. Am I being paranoid?
Amy22 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 It would bother me he still got on the website. But only dating 3 weeks I don't know if I would make it a big deal. But if he thinks you are his girlfriend and you are dating I don't think he should be looking at them. Whether he still has 3 months left of his membership or not. I would probably give it a couple more weeks and see how the relationship progresses and if he continues to look at the website. Then I would tell him that you don't think it is ok. Why does he care who winks at him if he is happy with you? Is he working to get out of debt? I think if he is trying to better himself it wouldn't bother me if he was in debt. As long as I can see that now he makes good financial choices. It wouldn't bother me that he lived with other people. I am not sure his financial problems are something I would worry about at 3 weeks. I would get to know him better and go from there. Good Luck Amy
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Don't get emotionally involved with this guy.. Internet dating, is, for most, and especially for guys like him (who still log on after they meet someone) a GAME... He's open to meet someone else.. they always want to know if someone 'better' will show up.. He's a player.. if you don't want a guy like that.. dump him.. simple.
shanny Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I understand where you are coming from, but honestly I wouldn't freak out. I used to do the dating site thing and even when I was dating a guy from the site I would continue to log on. It basically became a habit, just like checking my email. I didn't actively pursue anyone else on the site, but I would log in and check my messages, again just out of habit. He could be doing the same thing. Now as far as his financial and living situation... How bad is his debt? How did he get into this debt? There are plenty of reasons why responsible adults can get themselves into financial troubles... like health problems or for their kid. But if he just lives above his means and spends like an idiot, then that may be a problem. Some people just don't understand the concept of credit and that it is a serious thing. If he is like that, then that's really bad. He'll never change. Does he have a decent job? But it has only been three weeks. If you really like him then feel out his situation a bit more. If it's really bad, then you are still early enough into the relationship to bail. Good luck.
Chinook Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Personally I agree with Lizzie. Three weeks is pretty much enough time to know whether you're actually interested in being in a relationship with someone. If you are, you make them your number one priority. If you're not, you carry on looking around. Why don't you reactivate your profile and keep having winks and mails from guys and see how he likes it...?! Also, I'd begin putting a bit more distance between you... staying at yours most nights after only 3 weeks in is alot and whether you want to hear it or not, you guys are likely to burn out pretty fast before you even truly get to know each other. Oh and the debt thing. Red flag. Sorry but it is. It points to irresponsibility. You have to ask yourself whether that's something you can deal with. I know for me - it most definitely isn't.
Author London Girl Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 Thanks for your input. I'm still confused by what to do with him. I do agree with Lizzie and Chinook, if this guy is with me and says he wants to be with me then I don't see why he feels the need to check his dating site every day. I had a row with him the other day because of this. One of my friend said that I should not think too much into this and it is still early days and said it is perfectly ok for him to check out other girls since we are still at the early stages of dating. But I must admit I don't agree with this. The other day, he agreed to go to the sexual health clinic with me so we can both get checked and as a way of saying thank you to him, I suggested I take him out for dinner in the evening. He was over an hour late for dinner so I became curious and checked out his dating site and found him logged on which upset me and to be honest I thought he was not going to turn up for dinner but he did. He could tell I was upset and I told him it probably will not work between us because he is still checking his dating site. He then barked on that I should have more trust in him and if he was not serious about me then he would not have gone to the clinic with me. Regarding the debt thing, he is GBP 12K in debt. He intends to take further exams to improve his income. The reason he is in debt is because he lived beyond his means and is just not financially sensible. What surprised me is that he is expecting some compensation from a recent car accident and instead of putting the money towards decreasing his debt, he is planning to buy his parents a 42inch plasma TV. I asked him if this was a wise decision and the way he sees it is that he is not adding to his debt as the money is from the compensation. Personally I think this is irresponsible. The plus side of him is that I find him attractive, he makes me laugh and he does call me every day but I just feel insecure and have doubts about him which surely is not a good thing early in the relationship? I'm not a needy person and I am very independent but at the same time I like to know that I am not being taken for a fool. He just does not understand my feelings and I think he thinks I question him all the time. Oh what a dilemma, should I dump this guy?
justagirlforever Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 If I were you, I'd stop seeing him. From what you've said, he sounds very uncertain, needy and he's using you. Having his cake and eating it. For your own sake and self-esteem/feeling of self-worth, move on.
Advocate's Devilette Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 If you have only been dating 3 weeks, seeing him everyday like that is ridiculous. At that point, you see each other once or twice a week, tops.
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