RL1979 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) So... I am 28 years old and 6 months into my marriage. My husband was my best friend for about a year & a half before we decided to start dating. (This is a double edged sword since he knows my past with other relationships) He is a WONDERFUL man and we have been very blessed since we've gotten married. However, there are certain ways of his that drive me crazy!! Here are a list of examples why I think he is too jealous/insecure/controlling. (I'm not sure which it is) Please let me know what you think!He ALWAYS has something to say about what I'm wearing. (too short, too tight, too low-cut)He tells me where I can and can not go without him.He needs to know where I am all throughout the day.I know that I'm too old to have facebook, but I do.. It's easier to keep in touch with friends that have moved... He will go to my page, go through the guys & say "who is that, who is he, how do you know him".Do all of these examples make you wonder if I've done something or given him reason to feel this way?? Yeah, well they make me feel that same way! I HAVEN'T! We are married. I will not, and HAVE not done anything to jeapordize this... Edited April 4, 2008 by RL1979
SnapCracklePop Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 He may not admit it, but he probably feels that there is not enough about him to keep you interested, so he is attempting to control what external factors there are to contend with. This is definitely a sign of insecurity. #2, 3 and 4 - he has to get enough self confidence to get over these things. I don't really think it is a trust issue, but it may appear like one. #1 - do you think you are dressing too tight, low-cut, short? I am guessing no. This is really your call. You have to be comfortable with the image you present and I get the impression you are comfortable with your image. I think if 2 3 and 4 are resolved, #1 will go away. IMO, I'd love it if my wife would dress so that guys turn their heads. I'd take this as a compliment - but that is me.
Quiet Requiem Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Well before assuming your husband has some out of control insecurity that he created himself, there is a couple things to ask yourself. Since he knew you well before you were married, even knowing your past relationships, is there anything from your past that makes him insecure? Have you told him any bizarre sexual stories from your past? Do you have a reputation of "flaunting" your body, or being flirty? Take a step back first and ask yourself have I contributed to creating this behavior. Once you've done that it you can either accept you married a bruised knight, or have him get therapy to help his behavior. (Reason why I called him your bruised knight, you claim he's a wonderful man with a major flaw, a flaw that could be labeled as abuse.)
sally4sara Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 He has to let you be who you are. He must have liked who you are enough to decide to build a life with you. I would ask him how he thinks changing you into someone else will result in him being with someone he wanted to build a life with if who you are was what he based that choice on. What happens if you wear what he objects to and go where you want without him in tow?
Enema Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 It's unacceptable behaviour imo. The longer you let him control you, the harder it'll be to reclaim your life.
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