MizzouFan1985 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I have a friend that I went out on a few dates with, nothing really sparked but we enjoyed each others company. She ended up getting a formal boyfriend and has been dating him for about a month. I hadn't talked with her much since then, but we recently had a nice lunch and reconnected well again (just friendly). I simply like spending time with her (nothing more), and I know she does the same, but how do I go about asking her to do things with the boyfriend in the picture? Is it up to her to tell him we are just friends? I don't know the guy, and she doesn't really talk about him much, so I can't gauge if he would be the jealous type. Thoughts?
blackbird Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I simply like spending time with her (nothing more) Don't kid yourself.
blackbird Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 But if you just HAVE to do it, invite them BOTH out. For a group activity with other people involved, if possible.
witabix Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I have been the bf in this picture before, back off man. If she is I simply like spending time with her (nothing more) a friend, why would you want to potentially cause problems? and blackbird Quote: Originally Posted by MizzouFan1985 I simply like spending time with her (nothing more) Don't kid yourself. Couldn't have put it better.
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Yeah I have to agree with the other posters. If you really want to hang out with her, invite both her and her BF out with you. Otherwise you are being disrespectful of her relationship.
Texas2004 Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Hey Mizzou, I understand what you are saying. As long as it is made clear that it is just as friends, I see no problem with the two of them spending time together. I never liked the belief that if one person gets a significant other (in this case, the girl gets a boyfriend), then any guy friends basically have to say "ok, I won't spend any alone time with her any more." That just doesn't seem right. Mizzou, I say you ask her to do something, but make it clear that you respect their relationship and that you just enjoy her company and would like to do things occasionally.
john.blainer Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Put yourself in her boyfriend's position, if your girlfriend started going out alone with some other guy it would undoubtedly upset you and cause some trouble in the relationship. A lunch date once a month is fine, but don't start going out together on friday night.
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted May 26, 2008 Author Posted May 26, 2008 Here is a good example of how this might be an issue. I have a formal dinner coming up in a month and I can bring a guest (most everyone else will have somebody with them - fyi i was the only single guy at this event last year). The meal is already paid (part of my registration fee). My preference (and most guys I'm sure) is to bring a female if at all possible. Since I don't currently have a gf, I would like to invite her as a friend. So, if I make it clear to her the parameters of the event (including the meal is already paid for) and that I don't want to cause anything weird with her bf, are there still any problems with it? Aren't I really just putting it in her hands and she then decides what she wants to do?
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