sedona Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Day 14 of NC. I really miss him and want to call him more than anything. The reason we broke up is because he demoted me from the gf position. He went from loving me to liking me, not knowing when he could ever decide whether he wanted to be with me or not. The rollercoaster ride was too painful for me, while he was just fine and dandy with things. I still love him and am reeling. There is no OW involved and he'd certainly talk to me - we get along really well. Please give me reasons not to get in touch with him!!!!
Lishy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 He doesnt want you! That is the only reason you need not to call him! You need to move on and the only way you will do it is through not speaking to him or seeing him! You can do it girl, if he wanted you he would call!
Prosecco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Reasons? - well - you don't necessarily have to not contact him. If you're going to aim for friendship - it's possible. Just realise - a true friend is happy when their friend finds love, a new girlfriend etc - and doesn't regard it as a sign that you weren't good enough etc. If you get in contact - you have to know it's because of the right reasons. That you're not hanging on for the scraps from the table of the relationship. Get in contact - if you feel that you'll be fine hearing about a new girl. If you feel you can chat with him over a pint without feeling your stomach turn over at the thought you can never be held by him again, never kiss him again. It doesn't matter that there isn't someone else - what matters is how seeing but not having him will impact you now. And on what you want to have in the future.
cyabye Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 2 words for you.... SELF RESPECT! Keep some of that dignity. Keep some of your pride. You will feel better later for doing so. Do you really wanna go back to day one of NC? I'd say NC is working for you as you seem to be going through the phase of a little anxiety but take a deep breath and occupy your mind. C"MON YOU CAN DO IT (DO NOTHING). Hope this helps, cyabye
Author sedona Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 It's like a drug addiction. I'm going through withdrawal and need another hit. I miss him. Prosecco: I can't be friends with him. He'd be fine with it, but it would be too painful for me. And no longer having this man in my life is also painful. Can't win either way!
Prosecco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 If you can't be friends, then you can't call. It's not like smoking - you can't ween your heart off someone. I've a best friend (who happens to be a mutual friend with my ex) who I use whenever I get the urge to call or contact. I'm not going full no-contact, but that's because I will be friends eventually unless it kills me. However - if I call her, or ask her, she a) helps hold me back and b) tells me if my reason for contact is legitimate or not. And - if it's about hearing he's unwell or something like that - she can let me know how he is without me getting in contact with him. It's hard on her - but she appreciates the trust and the fact I need her - and knows I'll a) repay her and b) be there for her. See if you can find a friend who'll be your break-up post - someone that you can contact whenever you get the urge to call him. It wont be easy on them - let them know that - but if they're a true friend, they'll appreciate the honour. Just make sure you do positive things with them too, or they'll get drained. Supporting someone is tiring! Or - as a poor second best - post here and help other people. Answering other people's problems helps remind yourself of the way to treat your own. And it's hard to dial a number when you're typing. (I deleted the ex from facebook and my phone. That helps too - asI'll have to actively get his number from a friend.)
beta Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Think of how discouraged you'll feel if you do contact! keep your dignity!!
Author sedona Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Ok, haven't called yet. But there was another day wasted because of this nonsense! Prosecco: Don't get me wrong. We were good friends too - that's the main reason I thought our relationship would last. But I'm just not able to turn the clock back like he seems able to do and go back to being just friends after we've been so much more. Not having is friendship is one of the things I'm mourning.
Prosecco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) Most people can't go to just friendship. I don't know if I'll succeed in my endeavour. I think it helps that my exes seem to cross the Atlantic to escape me. But seriously - this will take time. Whether or not you'll be able to be friends in the future is yet to be discovered - but for now - you can't contact him till you calmly choose to do it, rather than are driven to do it because you miss him and still love him. How was a day wasted? One of the things I'm doing to keep my mind off stuff is to try and fill my days - whether it's with seeing friends, or doing sports or going to things... or writing answers here. If anything, I'm unwasting days, because I HAVE to do something to fill time I'd otherwise spend thinking. Edited April 4, 2008 by Prosecco
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I know this is extremely hard for you.. but DON'T DO IT!!!! Be strong.. be independant.. don't show him how weak YOU are and how strong HE is.. you will only enforce his EGO.. and you'll feel like crap again because he hasn't changed.. and he will still tell you that he only LIKES you.. Please keep up the good work!
MalachiX Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Stop me from calling him If you so much as think about calling him I will find out where you live, break your legs, and burn down your house! Too much? It's not like smoking - you can't ween your heart off someone. Quitting smoking isn't that easy either. Especially if it's after a breakup.
Far Behind Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I think, too, that if you did it and got NO response, or even the WRONG response, that would be even worse. If you stay in NC, while it hurts, he can't cause you more hurt. Does that make sense?
sedgwick Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 All I can do is offer you bunnies: :bunny::bunny::bunny: infinity
Author sedona Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 If you so much as think about calling him I will find out where you live, break your legs, and burn down your house! Too much? Hmmm. A bit much.. A huge fire broke out tonight in my neighborhood. Billowing black smoke over the entire city for hours. MalachiX... where were you this evening??? I have been thinking about calling him, but I didn't do it!!! Everyone who posted was right. It couldn't possibly do any good at all. None. Nada. Some days are so much harder than others. Today was lousy. Thank you all for taking the time to put in your 2 cents. Btw, no one was injured in the fire, although some people lost everything they owned.
MalachiX Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I have been thinking about calling him, but I didn't do it!!! Which is why I didn't break your legs.
Recommended Posts