marencolleen Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 My husband and i have been married almost a year. We both admit that we rushed into marriage, for various reasons, one of the biggest was because he was in the army. I wouldn't be able to live on my own up here, and the army wouldn't let him live with me unless we were married. We decided right off the bat that no matter what we would work at it if we had any problems. now i'm at a problem that i don't know how to resolve. My husband has always had his female friends in new mexico (we are in alaska) but recently they seem to be more prominent. this last weekend we got in a fight. Friday he was up until 3am talking to the main problem girl "katie" because she was having a bad night. that annoyed me. the next day we got in a huge fight. I was aggrevated from taxes, lack of food (i'm hypoglycemic, low blood sugar makes me incredibly irratable) and constant txting from "katie." around 3am in the morning, i awoke to my husband loudly playing a video game and talking to his friend on xbox. First i over heard him say that he didn't want me to go to new mexico on vacation with him, that made me pay attention. Then he told his friend that he sometimes thinks he would be happier with "katie." I was heartbroken. i confronted him about it and he had very little to say, instead he tried focusing on my other problems such as school. since then, he will barely talk to me, the txts from "katie" seem to be increasing, and he uses the army not letting him have time off as an excuse for not having time for counseling. i've read his txt messages when he is in the shower, and its all rather innocent things. they complain about life and being hungry, but his phone doesn't hold more than 20 txts so i don't know for sure. how do i work on this? Is it emotional infedelity? He admitted to liking her, but from what i've been able to... break into... its all harmless. how do i handle this? How do we talk again? how do i trust him?
Owl Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Yes, its an emotional affair. You need to set some clear boundaries in your marriage...ASAP. Counseling is DEFINITELY something you need to insist on...if he doesn't set it up, then YOU can go to his chaplain, or to ACS and get something setup. Going to his chaplain can make it so that the unit will schedule the time for him to attend counseling. Look for a copy of "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs"...that has some great information on how to start coping with this. I'd also go take a look at the free information available at the marriagebuilders.com website to help you start working through this.
LakesideDream Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Please if you haven't brought children into the world, Dont! You need to sort out your problems with your husband now. If he is "in love" with Katie, find out now, and act accordingly. You are young enough that you will be able to survive these problems and move ahead whatever the outcome. Watch out for yourself marencollene, barring children that is your first responsibility. LoveShack is a great resource. The folks here will weigh in with their advice if you ask for it. We all will be here to support you emotionally. While you may not appreciate all the replys, take it from me, it's much better than talking you your dog, or stuffed animals.
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