FinallyFree Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I can't post under my real username - ex is a snoop and don't want him finding me on LS. I still need to vent though I avoided his calls all day. I knew nothing good would come of a conversation with him but then.. here comes his text. He wants to say goodnight to our son. Not that he doesn't really want to say goodnight, but this is his way in... So I call him and they have a short conversation, and as predicted, he wants to talk to me. Right away he starts questioning me about something I told our oldest son... wouldn't even be an issue of the topic I had talked with him about was my current boyfriend (the first conversation we'd had about him). My stbx hates him purely because he's jealous. Tells me is bf gives him even the slightest reason he will "knock him out", even if he "goes to jail it will be so worth it" blah blah blah Some facts: we were married almost ten years when I found out he cheated on me (some "swingers" fling). I got the joy of having a skanky online profile of his and pics of them in the act forwarded to me. I left him in summer - moved in with a friend - in Dec went on 2 dates with my current bf, and only in January did it really start to get serious. So what have I done wrong? A few years ago I was talking via email mostly to a man I met at an outing with my sister. There was no interest in a relationship there but I did like our conversation cause I didn't get that with my H... he was so absent, so controlling and abusive in our marriage, so yes, I started talking to another man. He helped me through some difficult crap with my H, but eventually H found out and sh*t hit the fan. I hid it because I knew he'd be mad... I figured he would make more out of it than what it was, which is exactly what he did. So H and I worked through that and ultimately I think he understood, and I shouldn't have opened up to another man. As if this was the first problem in our marriage. He hit me before, he threw hot coffee on me, has kicked 2 doors completely off the hinges, insulted me in front of my kids, followed me through the house when I was trying to get away from him, read my journals, I get it, but..... He continues to bring it up over and over - and again tonight. This was years ago! He has told me so many times that it's "water under the bridge" yada yada, but it continues to be an issue, even to this day. He even discussed that whole ordeal with our eldest son (almost 19) and now it sounds like he thinks my H basically had a reason to go stick his d*ck in some chicks mouth, amongst other places (that he still denies even though there is a pic). Huh? If I was so bad then why is he still trying to convince me he has changed and to take him back over 8 months later?? So that's my f*ck up. I didn't cheat. Call it an emotional affair if you want, but it's in the past. So back up to current day. I did everything right when I left him... I did not have a man waiting in the wings, I left the house rather that insisting he leave, which is what everyone told me to do, I waited over 4 months before considering dating anyone, so what gives?! That rat stbx started bringing his gf around the kids before I brought mine around anyone (still only the youngest has met him). The ex has her stay the night and claims he doesn't sleep in the same bed. Whatever. More lies. And now every conversation I have with him is filled with drama - he rips on my bf whenever he can... his height, his masculinity, his hair, his honesty... arrgh! He's never even met him, merely heard things about him. I am so sick of this crap... he cheated on me, he treated me like crap most of our marriage, he lied all throughout our marriage and now he is making me out to be the bad guy to my kids! I can't stand him!
Gunny376 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Un-doubtly? Your XHex has issues that run deep and that are too complicated for you to handle and deal with? The main one being that he sounds like your typcial @zzhole. Keep your eyes open? And with the threats? Sounds as through you may have grounds for an RO and a re-vistation in court of the visitation aggreement? But do be careful? And tell your BF to be careful? Some guys just go psychotic during breakups and it take them sometime to get their head together ~ while other never do? Were I your Father, brother, etc? I would be telling you to be thinking of the worse possible case scernio's, and be prepared and plan accordingly?
Author FinallyFree Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 I do need to be careful and so does my bf... stbx twists conversations to suit him. He did say "any reason" to knock him out yet he tells our eldest son a different story... claims he said if my "bf every touched our youngest son" that's when he would punch him out. Yeah right! Not what you said assh*le. Constant lies. I guarantee that if I got an RO on him he would twist it to make it look like it was a ploy on my part.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 You reap what you sow...although nothing can justify physical abuse. If he wants to talk to your children, let him. I'm guessing that since your oldest son is 19, your younger child(ren) are old enough to dial the phone, themselves. I don't know why you don't setup a phoneline for the children, as a separate one, so he can dial direct to them, and they can dial direct to him.
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