wiltors Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I know 9 months isn't very long but it was long enough for her to mean the world to me. Although we had had various fights through the relationship, starting later, we worked our way through the problems one by one, we stayed together because we loved each other. It felt like it was going so great, but then we had another fight, after she started talking to some guy on myspace. Naturally, I was jealous, so I, (and I completely regret doing this) read the messages she was sending him, only like one. I admitted to it, and of corse she got really mad at me, and the next day she came up to us at school and pulled me aside and said "Let's go talk..." She said she couldn't go out with someone as insecure as I was and she needed me to be more mature, as she said these words, I could literally feel my heart smash into a million pieces. She awkwardly avoided me for the rest of the day, until after school, when we both took the bus home together, except not sitting near eachother. She got off and asked if we could talk again. She said she wanted to be friends, and she thought of me as a brother and a best friend. We sat down and talked on a bench and we were just talking for a while, and all of a sudden (this is probably the most confusing thing about my delima,) she leans over and kisses me on the mouth. After a few seconds, she stops, and immediatly starts crying, "I shouldn't have done that," over and over. Later that day I asked her if she felt something and she said of corse I did. When I got home I cried for about 2, 3 1/2 hours. Since then the days have gone by so slowly, it seems like forever and its only been like 2 days. I miss her terribly, I still love her so much. Does anybody have any idea what she's thinking? Why she kissed me and why she broke up with me even though she felt something?
NickP Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I don't want to build up hopes or anything, but if she kissed you and cried, and you're crying right now, I suspect that she's having as miserable a time getting through this break up as you are. So, maybe you should speak to her! Break ups happen all the time, often for reasons that seem so silly when you look back. And yes you were wrong for violating her space, because trust is SO ESSENTIAL to any relationship. Try explaining to her why you had to check? Explain to her why you felt insecure. I'm sure it's because you care about her and you were afraid of losing her. People make mistakes all the time and it's only through them that we learn. Similarly, many experiences in a relationship helps the relationship to grow. There is no "What to do if... " guide anywhere on relationships (is there?). Tell her about how you feel about her. [and if all goes well, if you guys do want to try it out again, it's impt to draw out some "rules" about one another's space.] gd luk.
Author wiltors Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 we have talked, its the weirdest thing ever, we're still friends except shes really awkward around me i called her the next day because she wasnt at school and before we got off the phone she said "i love you.." and of corse i said "i love you too..." but she also told me she liked this other guy she was chatting with on myspace, but she said she didnt think she'd go out with him, only maybe if he asked her, but i talked to him and hes like "no i suck with girls" so i dont really think that right now--or just hope... we talked on myspace and stuff and i posted a blog that was like "i wish i could fix this and i wish i could get things back to how they were" and she replied to it and was like "im sorrry..." and just today i talked to her and i told her i missed her and she said she missed me too, and i just couldnt take it, even just looking dead on into her beautiful eyes like that was forcing almost everything out of me, when i left i broke down...
NickP Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 From what I understand, it sounds like maybe you were right to feel insecure. I'm confused as to whether she broke up with you because you violated her privacy or because she likes someone else? She seems to be confused about how she feels about you because if she loved you, she wouldn't consider anyone else. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. Stay strong!!! If she's unwilling to make a certain decision now, yet still says she loves you and misses you, take things slow.
Author wiltors Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 She's already talking to him on the phone for hours on end. She left comments on her friends myspace like "I did it, I finally broke up with him..." and "We were on the phone for 4 hours! I'm so happy!"
NickP Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 you're sure that the "phone" bit refers to the other guy right? if that's the case, it does sound like she's looking for a relationship elsewhere. im sorry i've got no experience with how to deal with this at this point. but i'll give you my personal opinion. if there is no progress between you and her, i know you don't want to hear this, but you should start letting go. you need to be strong and think this through. you might want to have a chat with her to verify her stance/feelings. how could she love you yet try to go out with someone else? why is she replacing you so quickly? if she is into the other guy, you shouldn't let her play with your feelings by telling you that she loves you and misses you while she's trying to go out with the other guy. think this through and decide what's best for yourself at this point. do you want to keep going after her, or do you want to move ahead and leave this misery that you're feeling behind. whatever your decision, there will always be people here are the forum to advice/listen.
Author wiltors Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 yes im sure because after the whole kiss episode she told me how excited she was because he gave her his number and she wrote it on her arm with a little <3 next to his name.
Bobby.Roy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 how could she love you yet try to go out with someone else? why is she replacing you so quickly? if she is into the other guy, you shouldn't let her play with your feelings by telling you that she loves you and misses you while she's trying to go out with the other guy. This happened with me, and there is just no explanation as to why this happens..I have asked my girlfriend a 1000 times, but all she says is she loves me and still won't let go off the other guy.. @wilters: You have to decide whether you can take this pain or not because believe me, seeing the girl you love, with another guy would devastate you..Ask me..!! You have been going on with her for 9 months, while my relationship was almost for 9 years and i had to bear all this.. As heart-breaking as it might be, ask her for a valid explanation but i really dont think she'll be able to provide any ,after which u should seriously start to think about healing urself through NC - and nothing else..
Author wiltors Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 i was thinking, maybe its a phase? idk i cant sleep very well
Prosecco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 A phase it's not worth waiting through... 1) If you are insecure about something - TALK to someone. If I have learnt ANYthing from my past relationship failures it is: Jealousy destroys a relationship. TRUST is the most important thing (NOT love). If someone invaded my privacy - and read a message without permission - whether by e-mail, phone or anything else... Not only does it show they do not trust me (something that would hurt incredibly), but it would show I couldn't trust them. If someone had an issue with something - and talked to me about it - I'd appreciate their maturity and try to address it with them - whether it's by helping them deal with whatever issue is causing it, or if their insecurity is valid, but stopping whatever it is I'm doing. If your insecurity was valid - it's irrelevant - if you can't trust someone, you shouldn't be with them, whether they're betraying your trust or not. Yes - you need to mature, and learn to deal with trust issues appropriately. BUT - it's a common problem, and a lot of people don't learn to deal with them. If you do, you'll be a lot better than many men or women of any age. But - she needs to mature a LOT too. When you break up with someone, you often still have residual feelings for them EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT WANT TO BE WITH THEM. You should have enough maturity and respect not to play with their feelings and hurt them more. She hasn't done this. 2) She sounds young and mixed up. It doesn't matter if it's a phase. Atm, she has made a choice to not be with you. Surely you can see that if someone can't see that you are worth being with, they are not worth your heart ache? Do you honestly want someone to come back to you after they are bored of their new crush? And wait for it to happen again in the future? Move on, and learn - if someone wants to be with you, they will show it. This doesn't mean there wont be issues, but it'll mean they are willing to work on them. She isn't. Even if she wants to be with you a little, it's not enough. Someone else is out there who will REALLY want to be with you. While you're clinging on to the shreds of this girl, you're not moving on... and wont find this someone else. Heck - you sound quite young (because I'm oh so ancient. ) - enjoy life now. Spend time with your mates. There is plenty of time for a partner later...
Author wiltors Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 well, i tried talking to her about it, and it made me more suspicious, she wouldn't say anything except 'oh i really like him, he listens to me and he actually helps me with my problems' and stuff like 'oh my god he gave me his phone number its written on my arm.'
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