littletoes Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I feel really sad and depressed. My Bf is lying to me AND i'M CRUSHED. i CANT TALK TO HIM OVER THE PHONE ABOUT THIS i NEED TO TALK TO HIM IN PERSON. i HATE MY SELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i NEED TO SPEAK WITH HIM ONECE And FOR ALL. bUT in PERSON. tHIS IS THE STRAW THAT bROKE THE CAMELS BACK im fED UP AND i CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE ITS EATING ME ALIVE, pLEASE HELP
Frieda Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) do not hurt yourself. hug a blanket and stay here with us until you can talk to your boyfriend. what is happening Edited April 4, 2008 by Frieda
Author littletoes Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 I feel like I'm a total mess. I cant think straight my heads killing me. I keep on thinking about what he says to me and it's driving me crazy. I really feel like Im going bonkers. I keep repeating our conversations that we have in my head and how so many times I can confront him on the phone and I cant my parents are around and I really cant do it. I dont want thme to listen to our conversations. I need to see him and it's killing me
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Why do you need to talk to him in person about this? Why not just blast him over the phone? The reason why you want to hurt yourself, is that you've internalized all the pain and anger. Screw being a big person and doing it in person. The guy's a loser, liar and cheater. Take a load off. Call him RIGHT NOW!
xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 There are two options you can go about this: 1) Call him/meet him in person and yell at him for cheating, lying etc, and dump cold water on him or 2) No confrontations and just burn everything that reminds you of him Either way the relationship is over.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Please dont' hurt yourself. I agree with the other posters that you need to call and talk to your bf. Tell him how you are feeling..it wont bring him back but it may make you feel better to at least just tell him everything you are feeling. Again, please don't hurt yourself..call 911 and speak to someone at crisis services in your area and they will talk you through it. No guy is worth that.
peace_pipe Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 This is a learning experience sweetie! You will meet a cool new guy soon and you'll feel so different than you do now. Your life is the most precious thing that you will ever own, cherish it!
MoonlightLover Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 If he's lied and he tries to deny it and worm his way back in, hold your ground...you know he lied. No matter how much you love him when he puts on his charms don't forget he's a liar. In other words don't let love blind you sweetie, will hurt you more in the long run. Put him through the paces. Make him squirm a while at least, depending on the severity of the lie...make him squirm for a long time as your ex . They're never worth hurting yourself over, when you get to that stage you know yourself deep down inside that the relationship has gotten unhealthy literatly for you. Take a step back see what its/hes doing to you. No one should be allowed near you if they hurt you enough to drive you to act upon hurting yourself.
TheFonz Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 OK how old are you? If you're over 21, or maybe even if your not, you should go out and maybe get drunk and maybe hook up. I'm serious. You should call/texted him and tell him you got a date with someone. It's not a lie, it's just a future projection of what is going to happen. This all assume he's really the bad guy in this relationship.
Author littletoes Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 HI there. I'm still here. I havent spoke to him yet. I will I Need to speak to him in person to look him in the eye, Im not trying to show that I'm a bigger person. I just want to show him what he has and what he wont have when I will walk away from all of this non sense I'm not 21 im in my early 30's yeah I know. I must be really naieve or really that love blinded. He turned me down yesterday I have another post from the other day maybe u can read it tell me what u guys think.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 You don't need to show him what he has and what he won't have. He knows, already, and is apparently willing to risk it all, for whatever jollies he's going to get, where-ever he can get it. Ditch this loser. There's always the final eff-u sex, I suppose. Make it a night that he'll never forget...
xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 You don't need to show him what he has and what he won't have. He knows, already, and is apparently willing to risk it all, for whatever jollies he's going to get, where-ever he can get it. Ditch this loser. There's always the final eff-u sex, I suppose. Make it a night that he'll never forget... I don't think breakup sex is gonna help her.... She's too attached. Having sex with the guy is only gonna damage her further.
Cov Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 OK how old are you? If you're over 21, or maybe even if your not, you should go out and maybe get drunk and maybe hook up. I'm serious. You should call/texted him and tell him you got a date with someone. It's not a lie, it's just a future projection of what is going to happen. This all assume he's really the bad guy in this relationship. That's probably the worst thing she could do given her situation. All she'll gain out of it is a hangover in some stranger's bed whom she barely knows. Is this topic a continuum from another? I'm not really following here, but if it is and your boyfriend has cheated, I'd just send him a written letter stating how you feel and whatever else you need you feel the need to write. No conversation is needed and sometimes a written letter can speak louder than mere words. If this is about your boyfriend having an affair, then you shouldn't hate yourself or want to hurt yourself (though I don't know how it feels to be cheated on) you should seek comfort in your nearest and dearest family members and friends.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I don't think breakup sex is gonna help her.... She's too attached. Having sex with the guy is only gonna damage her further. Right now, nothing is going to help her until she puts out the effort to ditch the loser. In a situation of being cheated on, sometimes you have to take your power back, in some way. The people who are left dying, are the ones who don't, who internalize it all within themselves. I say, frack it. Externalize as much as possible. Let the burden of responsibility lay where it belongs...with the cheater.
AriaIncognito Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Being in your early 30s, i'd really question your own reaction to this situation. Basically you are saying that someone ELSE sucks and because they suck, you need to hurt YOURSELF. This isn't a good emotional state, as clearly logic isn't coming into play. If HE is the one with the issues, why hurt yourself? I mean, don't go hurt him, but I'd suggest that maybe you should seek couseling of some sort (therapy, psychologist, whichever) because this isn't a good reaction. You should be mad at HIM, not at yourself. Please, seek some sort of counselling/support for yourself, and kick this guy to the curb. The relationship is apparently detrimental to you, if it's giving you these kinds of thoughts.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I mean, don't go hurt him I agree that she shouldn't physically harm anyone, including the loser..but..if it's emotional harm, far be it for me to be a hypocrite and suggest she not do it. I should clarify that if she can't do it without remorse, there's no use exacting this, from anyone.
Replicant Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 There's always the final eff-u sex, I suppose. Make it a night that he'll never forget... I don't know the backstory here, but i get the impression this dude cheated and now she's been left in the wake of it all. I agree there needs to be a power shift here, one which makes her rationalize the situation and person (him) for what they really are 'garbage'. But it needs to come from her, and strictly benefit her alone. Time wasted on this dude isn't worth it via confrontations. What is it that is possibly hoped to come from it? Compassion and understanding of cheater/cheating!? There is no such thing. Trademark eff-u-sex wouldn't be a good thing for her. Based on how she is handling things at this level (Emotional/Self Destruct). It would serve no more than validating this guys crap behavior/ego and possibly deluding her deeper, thinking that things can possibly be fixed/forgiven. Eff-u-sex can only be pulled off by someone whom could walk in with zero emotion and gain the power from the situation then walking away leaving the other person feeling horrible by the conduct of how it plays out. That being the last contact you have with them.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Replicant, refer to post #16, in reference to remorse... Self-harm is a form of control. In harming oneself, you fully control the situation and at the same time, try to make the other person feel sorry for the hurt they've "caused" you to do to yourself. If you look at the situation in this light, how can anyone want to be this pathetic? OP, I doubt you want to play the pathos/victim role, do you? I would hope not.
Replicant Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Replicant, refer to post #16, in reference to remorse... Self-harm is a form of control. In harming oneself, you fully control the situation and at the same time, try to make the other person feel sorry for the hurt they've "caused" you to do to yourself. If you look at the situation in this light, how can anyone want to be this pathetic? OP, I doubt you want to play the pathos/victim role, do you? I would hope not. TBF I agree absolutely to post #16. Words can be that much sharper if used the right way rather than projecting the hurt by means physical damage to herself or that loser. Like a mirror send the reflection of his character right back at him. Used like a 'parting gift' to shift power back to her in a positive way realizing it's him (not her) that is flawed and there is no rational means for what he did...ever. In turn heavily damage his character by showing this guy exactly the kind of person he is. Something to be done once and very decisively, not drawn out over a long time span then it becomes counter productive. If done properly it will have it's intended effect. The problem is i see the OP internalizing it all and looking to bargain on something that holds zero value. Chasing a false form of acceptance of what he did (replaying memories/conversations). When reconciliation was voided when the cheating started and stopped. At the minimum she needs to shift her mindset to benefit her, which may not be delivering the pain right back to where it originated, but at least but unloading the burden anywhere but onto herself. In reality the person in which this pain exists for will be of no value to your life from here on out. It's just a matter of her understanding that.
shanny Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Don't hurt yourself. I assume you mean by cutting... that's what most people do. I am a former cutter and I will tell you it doesn't help anything and you are left with embarrasing scars that people will ask you about for the rest of your life. He's not worth it. And if you can't see him in person you gotta do it over the phone. Actually at this point I think a clean break will be better... no dramatic confrontation. You already know the answers don't you? He is insulting your intelligence by thinking he can get away with this stuff. Does he think you were born yesterday? If you do confront him please let us know what happens, and again, from someone who has done it, please don't hurt yourself.
Author littletoes Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 Please read my other post. I've added an update.
Author littletoes Posted April 6, 2008 Author Posted April 6, 2008 He lied to me and I don't have the stregth to confront him. Now what?
Marin Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 I agree with Replicant. I don't want to be harsh but it appears that he has cheated on you, and has chosen her over you. This guy is not worth the effort of a confrontation. Now someone has mentioned having "f u" sex as revenge? I don't see how that is getting revenge by lowering yourself to give him sexual pleasure. How would giving it up for this lowlife be getting revenge? It's not like he's going to say "Oh, gee, I want her back and I'm so sorry I cheated" just because you f him one last time.
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