bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Does anyone really believe in the old saying... It takes someone to get you over someone?? I honestly can't say I believe this to be true... but that seems to be what EVERYONE keeps telling me. After a 4 yr relationship... I can't begin to imagine sharing my company with another man. However... all of my friends keep giving me this advice. Making sure they try to make me realize that he's not sitting at home wondering about me and that he's probably already enjoying the company of other women. Ewwww.... just typing that makes me sick So do any of you think there is any truth to the saying? Should I sit and suffer over him walking out on me or should I try to jump back into the game?
becky001555 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Just go with whatever you want to do, theres no right or wrong answer to it, i mean if something happens with someone else then great but if not then, you have more head space to think about what you want to do. Ive just split with my ex and i cannot stand the thought of me or him being with someone else but we both have and its made us both feel worse to be honest as they were both rebound people, i guess it just depends on the individual! Sorry thats not much help, but if your not ready to be with someone else then don't go seeking it out, just go with whatever happens!
justagirlforever Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 To me, that's not true. Perhaps once that was (my method). Looking to FEEL something else to make the pain and memories go away. I've learnt to deal with it all in a more sensible way. And now, unless I'm over someone truly and have made peace with it all, I can't move on and fully give myself. Because what are you bringing to the new relationship? A lot of hurt, confusion and perhaps still bitterness? Regret? Uncertainty? That's no basis on which to start a new relationship..... If you want, read my new thread over in the General Relationship area. I too had a 4 year relationship which broke my heart and I wasn't ready to move on. But I have - and only because I was READY and made peace with the past. Take your time. Your friends only want to see you happy again, but don't feel pressured to make something happen. Good luck.
tealeafbud Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Your friends are just telling you what helps them. Of course it's different for everybody, but if you know that you don't need anyone to help you get over someone, then that's great. If you have never been out with someone while trying to get over someone, maybe it's something you could try. It doesn't necessarily you're going to immediately forget about your ex, it's just basically a time killer, someone to get your mind off of your ex. And we both know that focusing on different things is sometimes difficult. But if you are the type of person that would rather do other things to help heal, then that's great too.
Author bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Thanks for your responses I wrote a lengthy passage explaining what has been going on for the past little while in the LDS section yesterday. He's really done a lot to hurt me lately and even though I don't feel like going out with someone right now (I've never immediately went out with anyone after a break up) and I'm not sure if I even could... even if it was just a friendly outing. I know my friends are just wanting me to be happy... they also want him to hurt for what all he has done to me. So thanks for the advice... it always helps to hear other peoples opinions besides my friends I guess at this point... I'm just looking for some peace of mind.
sigma Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Do you have a mindset that there is only one person you could possibly be with? If so that severly limits you. I don't believe in the saying "it takes someone to get you over someone". I think some people don't realize that they will love again after a breakup. Every relationship is different, you will always compare, its' human nature. You will undoubtedly compare your next relationship to this previous one. There will be things you liked about previous relationships, and things you love about your new relationship. I hope you don't have the mindset that this is the only guy that you could ever love. I think there are many many people in which we can spend our lives with. Think about it, most people only ever meet and talk to a very LIMITED amount of people, and we select our partner out of this narrow field (think of how many guys/girls there are in the world, and how many you actually meet). So if "the one" is one of these billions of people, then wow odds are in your favor, but I dont' believe in that. Give it time, you don't do your best thinking after a fresh breakup. You're looking for comfort and familiarity during this time. Once you're backup on your own two feet, you'll be doing just fine. Time heals all wounds, not another partner. If in a year you're still thinking obsessively about this person, then you need help. Letting something like a breakup temporarily affect your life is very normal, letting it ruin it however it not.
Author bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Do you have a mindset that there is only one person you could possibly be with? If so that severly limits you. I don't believe in the saying "it takes someone to get you over someone". I think some people don't realize that they will love again after a breakup. Every relationship is different, you will always compare, its' human nature. You will undoubtedly compare your next relationship to this previous one. There will be things you liked about previous relationships, and things you love about your new relationship. I hope you don't have the mindset that this is the only guy that you could ever love. I think there are many many people in which we can spend our lives with. Think about it, most people only ever meet and talk to a very LIMITED amount of people, and we select our partner out of this narrow field (think of how many guys/girls there are in the world, and how many you actually meet). So if "the one" is one of these billions of people, then wow odds are in your favor, but I dont' believe in that. Give it time, you don't do your best thinking after a fresh breakup. You're looking for comfort and familiarity during this time. Once you're backup on your own two feet, you'll be doing just fine. Time heals all wounds, not another partner. If in a year you're still thinking obsessively about this person, then you need help. Letting something like a breakup temporarily affect your life is very normal, letting it ruin it however it not. Very well said... thank you!!
LuCidiTy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 i'm not sure it takes someone to get over someone. it probably helps in some cases. it probably masks things in others.
Author bamagrl75 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 I want to thank you for all of your comments When I wrote that.... it was honestly just for your opinions. I'm a big girl and do make decisions for myself.... but it always helps to see anothers point of view. Like I said before... my friends are just trying to make me feel better.... however.... I think they don't realize how much it would hurt me to even TRY to go out with someone else. I went to a cookout at my sister and her husband's house yesterday... so I can give you a prime example.... I thought I was going to be with just a few friends that I already knew, cook out a bit and then just hang around one another (mainly to get out of this horrible FUNK!). Nothing like what I expected!!! There were like 15 men and about 4 women. Now.... every single time I turned around, someone was trying to introduce themselves... which is fine... I love to meet new people. BUT!!!! When they are literally laying their resume in your lap.... it hardly feels like a friendly meeting!! I had a nice time, but left feeling a bit CONFUSED!!! Why is it that everyone wants to set you up with "Mr. Wonderful" when you are completely at a loss from a recent break up? Granted.... if it was several months down the road... and I had, had some time to heal.... it would've been great... but all I could think about was "N".... that did NOT help me!! Why can't a friend just be a friend.... someone to listen to you when you need a good cry or just a shoulder to lean on? Instead they wanna throw you back out there like nothing had ever happened to destroy my heart in the first place!! I honestly felt like I had a pack of wolves starving for my attention!! Needless to say... I left quite early My heart is still very much with "N" and I'm sure it will be for some time... Geez... 4 years doesn't go away over a few nights.... at least not when you love them truly I had a nice time.... but it seriously proved to me.... I'm soooo not ready to move on to finding someone new. I need my heart to heal and I really wish my friends could understand that.... cause telling them... is not working!!!!
sedgwick Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I feel exactly the same way. My relationship was only a year, but almost 9 months out, I can't imagine dating. It feels like I'll never be attracted to anyone again. And it makes me sick to think of him dating. I'm scared because I just know I'm going to see him out with someone at some point. I don't know that he's dating again; I don't know anything about his life right now at all. I just know this really hurts, and it sucks, and it feels like I'll never love anyone again. I'm just focusing on my work right now. I love what I do and I have exciting projects happening. Even though I'm still very sad about the demise of my relationship, I'm happy about the other stuff going on in my life. So that helps with the depression. I try to tell myself that just because I'm not getting over this breakup as quickly as previous ones, that doesn't mean I'll never get over it at all. It's hard but I have to just keep going and have faith.
sandflea Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 I don't think so - having tried it before. At least, it didn't work for me. When you're feeling lonely, and you're still bummed about the breakup you're not at your best - and you tend to want to be with someone for the wrong reasons. When your heart is ready, you'll know it. But TAKE IT SLOW! That's the golden rule of post-breakup relationships. Usually you're willing to put too much of you into a relationship after a breakup, and if the new relationship fails then you feel twice as down. So, take it slow. Trust me - the fellas will come calling. You decide who, and when and where and why. Summer is coming! SF
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 So do any of you think there is any truth to the saying? It's reliant on the individual, although men tend to take the rebound route, for reasons of pride and ego. It appears that women are starting to do this, as well. What I have noticed, is that with either gender, more often than not, it only leads to more baggage, since you don't work your way through the reasons for the breakup. Should I sit and suffer over him walking out on me or should I try to jump back into the game? Never sit and suffer. It's a waste of time and emotion. If you plan to jump back into the game, do it gradually and date lightly. Don't get involved in a relationship!
Trimmer Posted April 7, 2008 Posted April 7, 2008 So do any of you think there is any truth to the saying? As TBF says, it depends on the individual. I think sometimes people consider that entering a new relationship is the ultimate proof that you are over someone from your past, but I think that doesn't necessarily mean that doing so should be your first step at recovering. Should I sit and suffer over him walking out on me or should I try to jump back into the game? I would suggest that sitting and suffering vs. jumping back into the game are not the only two options. How about the middle ground of jumping back into your life? Don't think of a relationship as a necessity to validate your life (thus leading to the conclusion that not entering one would necessitate sitting and suffering alone...) Get off the couch, go out and live; build your life in a way that interests you. Cultivate your social circle with meaningful relationships, whatever that means to you. Consider that a romantic relationship is a possibility, and might be an enhancement to your life, but commit to the intention to live a full life regardless. Don't equate not being in a relationship with sitting alone and suffering, and don't consider the only alternative to sitting and suffering to be jumping back into the game. You have a precious resource here: your life, to be lived the way you want. Go out and do it.
Author bamagrl75 Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 As TBF says, it depends on the individual. I think sometimes people consider that entering a new relationship is the ultimate proof that you are over someone from your past, but I think that doesn't necessarily mean that doing so should be your first step at recovering. I would suggest that sitting and suffering vs. jumping back into the game are not the only two options. How about the middle ground of jumping back into your life? Don't think of a relationship as a necessity to validate your life (thus leading to the conclusion that not entering one would necessitate sitting and suffering alone...) Get off the couch, go out and live; build your life in a way that interests you. Cultivate your social circle with meaningful relationships, whatever that means to you. Consider that a romantic relationship is a possibility, and might be an enhancement to your life, but commit to the intention to live a full life regardless. Don't equate not being in a relationship with sitting alone and suffering, and don't consider the only alternative to sitting and suffering to be jumping back into the game. You have a precious resource here: your life, to be lived the way you want. Go out and do it. Excellent thoughts to ponder on... Thank you
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