justagirlforever Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) A year and 8 month after my first real long term relationship ended. Wow I just cannot believe it's that long. How for the first time when we broke up, I read this forum through a sheet of waterfall tears - tears dripping onto my keyboard. I remember how I couldn't even write because my head and heart were liquidised. And I only wrote after a few months of couple's therapy and we finally broke up again three months later (Nov 2006). (My initial thread) A few months after things calmed down and I moved on and out, I wrote another thread. I'm sure many people wonder what the outcome is to some of these stories we read here. So I thought I'd swing by to leave an update. Some of you may still even remember me. Those who contributed at the time, were an immense help - even though they didn't know it. So thank you. BUt what happened next? First things first: The ex and I have remained very good and even close friends. Obviously in the "beginning" it might have been a tad awkward at times. But both of us had closure and we were able to move on beyond that. We are now best buds. He even has a new girlfriend and they've been going out for quite a few months. Though she's very insecure about our remaining relationship as friends which makes it a tad tricky. But as most people are jealous of ex's, I guess who can blame her? We still share a large number of mutual friends, so every now and again we'll bump into each other at social do's etc. Interestingly enough, I introduced one of my new female friends to him at one social evening (she knew the whole story) and afterwards she said she just couldn't believe that we split up because we are evidently so in tune with each other and still very close. If that's obvious to a stranger, I'm sure it's even more obvious to his new girlfriend. But (hand on heart) honestly there is nothing but a very close friendship bond remaining between us. But we're both respectful of how she feels and try to avoid any akward social situation. As for me? well........... For the first half of last year, I had absolutely and categorically no interest whatsoever in men. I wasn't even interested in going out socially to bars and clubs because I didn't want to deal with being chatted up etc. Then suddenly it was like a light switch turned on. I was ready to look at men again - around June. I still had no interest to remotely look for a relationship. I just wanted to test the waters and have fun. Just enjoy being single. Flirting, going out without the commitment. So I did. I started dating randomly and really had a great time. Lots of fun and laughter without caring where it may lead - because I had no intention of anything going anywhere. And was always very clear about this, so no one was deceived. Then around September I get an email. An email from someone I met 5 years ago - at the same time as I met Mr Ex. (5 years ago) At that time, I was doing exactly the same as I started doing in June - just dating randomly. But then I met Mr Ex and fell in love. BUT being as I am, wasn't ready to drop anyone else just like that - because of my resolution to stay single. But during this time I met New Man. I really like New Man a lot - however, sadly he came on the scene a little too late and after 5 dates, told him that I'm in love with someone else and stopped seeing him. And that's where my relationship with Mr Ex started. And carried on for 4 years. Still with me? New Man however always dropped me an email every New Year to wish me a happy New Year and best in Love and Life. And I always wrote just one email back to wish him the same. And so we kept in touch for 4 years - one email each per year. Until the beginning of last year. When I told him that I was now single. He of course was keen to meet - I told him I had no interest in any men at that stage - but that when the time was right, I'll get in touch. But I never did - because I knew that I liked him a lot from the first time we met all those years ago, and knew he'd possibly want more. And I just wanted to be single. But....in September I get another email asking me if I'd like to think about meeting for a coffee. By then I was more lenient and agreed. However one thing and another conspired against us and we didn't meet up until beginning November. When we did........I had no idea what to expect. I knew I really liked him a LOT when we met all that time ago - but things change and people change. And I didn't know if either of us would feel remotely the same. But OMG, I cannot explain the chemistry in the air between us. It was almost visible and tangible. So we met up a few times and every time it was like this amazing fireworks between us. So immense and consuming, it's impossible to explain. But my resolution to remain single remained - and he knew that I was casually dating a couple of other guys. Dating is perhaps a strong word - meeting up and hanging out. Anyway, I went away on holiday for a month over Christmas. And during this time found myself thinking about him quite a bit. When I came back, he came to see me immediately upon my return - and I was so excited an happy to see him! It took me another few weeks to realise that I can't go on like this - seeing the other guys. Because suddenly I only wanted to see HIM. And all I could think about was him. And I realised that I'm starting to fall in love with this guy. SO beginning Feb we had LONG conversation - I explained how scared I was to open my self up again to a possible new relationship. He said he felt the same. The more we talked, the more we both realised we were thinking exactly the same things and had the same fears and concerns. Long story short - we decided to give it a go. Sooooooo: it's early days yet, but we have something extraordinary and amazing. And much as I HATE to say this (because it's such a cliche), it's the first time ever that I feel like this about someone. There are no barriers between us. Neither of us are trying to prove anything to the other. Or pretend that we're someone we're not. There are no secrets and nothing to hide. For the first time ever, I am who I am and I LOVE it. I thought to myself - I have nothing to lose - but myself - if I don't go into this honestly and openly. And the feeling to be able to do that is just Out of this world. And I'm in Love. Totally and utterly in Love. And Happy. Happy to be me. Edited April 3, 2008 by justagirlforever
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