TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Since this is my first post in this forum I guess I should give a little introduction before I get to my topic. I'm 25 years old (just turned recently), hold a masters degree and am pretty sucessful for my age (money and career wise). I however broke up with my ex about a year ago for reasons I don't want to get into and I really suck at meeting women so I turned to online dating. Well I had a legitimate profile with pictures on multiple sites for about 6 months now with extremely poor success (about 0.1% of women respond to my emails and I've had no dates in the 6 months I've been doing this). I'm not fat or even overweight, I (think) I dress pretty nice, keep myself clean, so the only conclusion that I can come up with is that I'm just genuinely ugly. Combined with the fact that I lack and carisma and suck at meeting women in RL, I decided to just try to use money to meet women. This, however, is NOT working either... I basically put in my profile that I have money and am willing to spend it on you... but I'm still getting no interest. Yes I know only gold diggers will respond to those type of profiles but at this point I don't really care, I just want someone to spend my time with. I'm wondering what else I can do? What else will attract women besides money? How else can I use money to get women? I'm sure there are tons of guys in my situation, probably on this very forum. I'd appretiate any advise. Thanks.
Frieda Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 haha that's kind of funny.. just remember - whoever has the money, makes the rules. go out in the real world and show off your cash, nice car, dress very sharp and buy women drinks/shopping if you see one in a mall. you will attract a lot of them. if there's one thing women love, it's money. if you got money, it doesn't matter if you look like donald trump.
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 haha that's kind of funny.. just remember - whoever has the money, makes the rules. go out in the real world and show off your cash, nice car, dress very sharp and buy women drinks/shopping if you see one in a mall. you will attract a lot of them. if there's one thing women love, it's money. if you got money, it doesn't matter if you look like donald trump. Yeah thats the problem. I wish I could do things like that but I don't have the confidence/carisma/whatever go dress up, go to a bar alone, buy women drinks and start chatting them up. Trust me, if I could do things like that I sure as hell wouldnt be resorting to online dating
D-Jam Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I basically put in my profile that I have money and am willing to spend it on you... That kind of statement more says that you're trying to BUY a woman. Even gold-diggers won't respond to that. Most women I've noticed who are all about a guy with money are infatuated with a WEALTHY LIFESTYLE. Even though they know deep inside they are trading their looks and sexual skill for a guy to spend tons of cash on them, they don't want to be seen or looked at as prostitutes. First off, if you really want to find a gold digger, then check out the sites like cashcats.com and sugardaddie.com Sites that are dating, but more about wealthy men and hot gold digging women. Second, remember online dating is you marketing yourself. Don't sell that you work a good job and have money to spend on them...sell an exciting lifestyle. Mention some exotic place you just went on vacation at with 5-star accommodations. Show it mostly in your photos. You on a sunny beach, you with some expensive car, you wearing those expensive clothes, you in your expensive condo/home. Talk with a little bit of ego too. Say how only the best is good enough for you in your life. "Cristal champagne, Armani suits, A-List parties, my Lamborghini, and now I need a lovely lady to share it all with." Sell a lifestyle...not the fact you get a good paycheck. Bear in mind though the women who will go for that will be trashy and manipulative. If you're looking for the good woman to love, then don't focus on money and focus on you. What you're looking for in a woman, and what a first date would be like. Ask more questions here if you need help.
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I decided to just try to use money to meet women. It has to be more than just money...Money may make them look your way, but you need to have self confidence, and the only way to build that up is to work on yourself. Ask some close friends to help you! You seem like a smart man, who has alot going for him...Build upon that and each day go out and talk to women. Doesn't mean you have to end up having a date, but by just talking and smiling, flirting a tiny bit in the grocery store could help make you feel good about you.
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 That kind of statement more says that you're trying to BUY a woman. Even gold-diggers won't respond to that. Most women I've noticed who are all about a guy with money are infatuated with a WEALTHY LIFESTYLE. Even though they know deep inside they are trading their looks and sexual skill for a guy to spend tons of cash on them, they don't want to be seen or looked at as prostitutes. First off, if you really want to find a gold digger, then check out the sites like cashcats.com and sugardaddie.com Sites that are dating, but more about wealthy men and hot gold digging women. Second, remember online dating is you marketing yourself. Don't sell that you work a good job and have money to spend on them...sell an exciting lifestyle. Mention some exotic place you just went on vacation at with 5-star accommodations. Show it mostly in your photos. You on a sunny beach, you with some expensive car, you wearing those expensive clothes, you in your expensive condo/home. Talk with a little bit of ego too. Say how only the best is good enough for you in your life. "Cristal champagne, Armani suits, A-List parties, my Lamborghini, and now I need a lovely lady to share it all with." Sell a lifestyle...not the fact you get a good paycheck. Bear in mind though the women who will go for that will be trashy and manipulative. If you're looking for the good woman to love, then don't focus on money and focus on you. What you're looking for in a woman, and what a first date would be like. Ask more questions here if you need help. Wow, very nice, that was exactly the suggestions I was looking for and those sound like really good ideas. When I have the time I'll change my profile to reflect those kind of things, even if I have to lie a little to do it By the way, I don't really care of this women are minipulative or whatever (I do care if they are trash though), as I don't expect any of the women I meet like this to turn into long term relationships. I'm just lonely and looking to spend time with people. Thanks for the suggestions though.
Frieda Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 well, if you are not looking for sex and you just want some beautiful women to spend time with you, go out to a movie and dinner, hang out at your place, you could pay a professional escort. just remember, they are not prostitutes.
D-Jam Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 well, if you are not looking for sex and you just want some beautiful women to spend time with you, go out to a movie and dinner, hang out at your place, you could pay a professional escort. just remember, they are not prostitutes. +1 I agree on that.
fishtaco Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Haha, that's funny. If all you do is say you're rich, they'll just think you're lying. Having money is something you have to show, not claim. Plus you have to do it right. What women do is they look at your watch and shoes. Then car. You don't need brand name everything, just need to look nice, with updated fashion, but sport some sick watch and expensive shoes. That's a start. But the fact that you're young, the gold diggers will probably pass you up. They tend to look for older men, since normally they're the ones with wealth built up. I chose not to play in the money arena, so I don't have much to tell you. But if you're young and look young, maybe you can play the part of the trust fund baby. I'm not sure how you could fake that. Maybe make friends with some and copy them. Copy how they dress, pay attention to what they pay attention to, talk the same kind of topics they like to talk about... etc. I do know rich people like to talk about vacations, and not like Cancun or something, exclusive vacation spots. Tahiti or something, I don't know. But you could research and read up on those areas, and make up some story that you've been there. I also don't do online dating. I tried, didn't work, at the mean time I was having plenty of successes from RL, so I just completely gave that up. So I'm not sure how you would convey "I'm rich" online. But realize this, if you play in the money arena, you're getting superficial money oriented women. Which is perfectly fine, but then you have to understand that all you managed was to rent them for the time being like a commodity. You will expire when they find the next guy with more money, or have drained you. It's a business deal. The smart men will not make commitment of any sort (including no kids), so when the women get old, the smart rich guys can swap them out for younger ones. By the same token, the women are getting paid for looking pretty, so they better be smart and make plans for when they lose their "earning power", i.e. don't blow all the money they get on clothes and cocaine. Invest it, at least open your own bank account save some of it.
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 It has to be more than just money...Money may make them look your way, but you need to have self confidence, and the only way to build that up is to work on yourself. Ask some close friends to help you! You seem like a smart man, who has alot going for him...Build upon that and each day go out and talk to women. Doesn't mean you have to end up having a date, but by just talking and smiling, flirting a tiny bit in the grocery store could help make you feel good about you. I wish it were that easy for me to just "go out and talk to women" but it really isn't for me. It may be some genetic/biologocial deficiency I have but I cannot approach women I don't know and just strike up conversation. I have no problem talk to women I know or women that get introduced to me through friends (thats how I met my last gf), but I can't go out on my own and talk to ones I don't know. It's something thats just not happening, I can't change the genes I was born with.
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 well, if you are not looking for sex and you just want some beautiful women to spend time with you, go out to a movie and dinner, hang out at your place, you could pay a professional escort. just remember, they are not prostitutes. Maybe I didn't make it clear but that isn't quite what I'm looking for. For one I'm not looking for beautiful women, just normal women. And I am not looking for just someone I can buy for a day, I just want normal friendship/activity partner with a possible romantic relationship if she permits it (not required though).
fishtaco Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Maybe I didn't make it clear but that isn't quite what I'm looking for. For one I'm not looking for beautiful women, just normal women. And I am not looking for just someone I can buy for a day, I just want normal friendship/activity partner with a possible romantic relationship if she permits it (not required though). That's it? Dude, and I thought you were shooting for hot gold diggers. Anyway with that attitude - "if she permits it", you're a doormat. Sorry bro, you can't get any women like that. In that case I'd say drop the money thing, and just make friends with everyone, men and women. You say romantic relationship is optional anyway. Once your social skill is strong, and you have a network of friends, ask your friends to set you up.
Frieda Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 you're not supposed to have a long conversation with a woman you walk up to in a shopping mall or something. you are busy and have to go soon (even if its not true) smile, don't introduce yourself first. smile and say something related to what she is doing. if she is looking at a sweater, walk up to her and smile and say i don't like the color on that one. it wouldn't do you justice. ( or whatever) THEN introduce yourself with a handshake and talk briefly about what you are each doin there, etc... and then ask if she would be interested in allowing you to take her out sometime. be casual and worry-free. no big deal attitude. if you get her contact info, smile and say your goodbyes immediately. the end. it's simple, you got to remember you are male. we are the dominant gender of our species. we save the women and children from burning buildings, we carry them over swamps, we dive on them to shield them from danger. walk with confidence and lead the way.
TheFonz Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 you're not supposed to have a long conversation with a woman you walk up to in a shopping mall or something. you are busy and have to go soon (even if its not true) smile, don't introduce yourself first. smile and say something related to what she is doing. if she is looking at a sweater, walk up to her and smile and say i don't like the color on that one. it wouldn't do you justice. ( or whatever) THEN introduce yourself with a handshake and talk briefly about what you are each doin there, etc... and then ask if she would be interested in allowing you to take her out sometime. be casual and worry-free. no big deal attitude. if you get her contact info, smile and say your goodbyes immediately. the end. it's simple, you got to remember you are male. we are the dominant gender of our species. we save the women and children from burning buildings, we carry them over swamps, we dive on them to shield them from danger. walk with confidence and lead the way. Th OP just said he can't approach women. For some guys they can't do it.
Enema Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Take up social activities like sport, mixed teams. If you're not that way inclined, do something non-sporty. Join a book club, chess club, or any other "club" where there are going to be women hanging around. The rest as they say, is history.
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 That's it? Dude, and I thought you were shooting for hot gold diggers. Anyway with that attitude - "if she permits it", you're a doormat. Sorry bro, you can't get any women like that. In that case I'd say drop the money thing, and just make friends with everyone, men and women. You say romantic relationship is optional anyway. Once your social skill is strong, and you have a network of friends, ask your friends to set you up. Yeah, just looking for an average women who will be my friend. Yes I'm a doormat but I haven't always been like this. I slowly turned into this after being alone for a year and experiencing rejection after rejection. Oh well, at this point in my life (mid twenties) I don't want to be alone anymore and if that means becomming a doormat I'll do it. And when you say make friends with everyone, whos "everyone?" I already have a few close friends (who are married =/) and the only other people I have contact with is co-workers..... where pretty much everybody is double my age (I think I am the youngest person in my building).
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Take up social activities like sport, mixed teams. If you're not that way inclined, do something non-sporty. Join a book club, chess club, or any other "club" where there are going to be women hanging around. The rest as they say, is history. Not really interested in sports, so I'm not going to join a sports team just to meet women (what sport to women play besides tennis anyway?). The clubs that I would be actually interested in joining wouldn't have any women in it so thats out. Chess club would be interesting but I seriously doubt a chess club would have any women in it. I visited the chess club in high school many times (but never was officially a member) - pure sausage party (not that I cared, I just wanted to play chess).
fishtaco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Yeah, just looking for an average women who will be my friend. Yes I'm a doormat but I haven't always been like this. I slowly turned into this after being alone for a year and experiencing rejection after rejection. Oh well, at this point in my life (mid twenties) I don't want to be alone anymore and if that means becomming a doormat I'll do it. And when you say make friends with everyone, whos "everyone?" I already have a few close friends (who are married =/) and the only other people I have contact with is co-workers..... where pretty much everybody is double my age (I think I am the youngest person in my building). No, doormat will only get you women that are users. Don't be a doormat no matter what. Make friends with everyone meaning make new friends. Don't just keep hanging out with the same current friends you have. Can they set you up? Are they single and out mingling every weekend? If not then you need to find new friends that are doing that. But of course keep your current friends too. You need to go out and do some sort of activities. Playing on a sports team is the most obvious for men. But there are so many possibilities out there, sports doesn't mean basketball or ice hockey or boxing. It could be pool or bowling even, heck golf and fishing are considered sports. Plus you don't have to pick a sport, it could be other activities like poker or chess. Pick something where you will interact with people, and you are at least somewhat interested in. Can you make new friends? It's a step before chasing women. If you can't make new friends, you won't succeed in chasing women. Out of my friends that can't score with women, there's one common trait between all of them... laziness. They're too lazy to try anything new. So 10 years later, they are still doing the same thing with the same circle of friends, and just as single. What I'm telling you now isn't to do this to meet women, this is a step before that. You're doing this to grow your circle of friends and in doing so you're practicing your social skills. I have over 100 numbers in my cell phone. And I know easily 3 times that many people. And that's not counting people I met from work. And there will be another poster that'll say, that's no big deal. Because I'm really nothing special. Where are you at on the how-social-are-you scale? Once you've built your network, then you can put the word out - you're looking, set you up. Also you'll get invited to parties. That's when you meet even more people. I've met friend's old college friends, friends' sisters, friends' coworkers, friends' roommates, friends' friends, or just when we're out some place I'll end up chatting up some random chick that happened to be at the same restaurant bar or whatever. And these are specifically cases where there were dating intention. Most of them didn't work out, but that's how it goes. If you're a man, unless you're a natural, you'll have low percentage of success. I accept that, but I throw large quantity at it, and good things happen. And here's a secret - learn to dance. As in take classes. Dancing is the most accepted flirtation tool ever invented. You can try Hip Hop, which is more universal for the younger crowd. Outside of that swing and salsa are the two hot dances right now. Although swing seems to have more couples. There's always drama going with the salsa crowd. Who's dating who and all that. If you go to the right place there's a lot of scorage going on, just like any other clubs.
Lucky555 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 So after reading this i really think you need to increase your skills of communication. Take a communications course just for the heck of it. Most great women are taken by what they hear as opposed to what they see. Yeah, women do notice attractive guys but if you can actually hold an intelligent conversation or a quick conversation about something then you can "feel" your way through. Don't expect anything go with the flow. Being able to get these skills will help you to be more assertive to non-verbal cues, listening, and of course talking. You will soon gain confidence. Its not a cure but it would help. You may actually meet someone while your taking it.
eric82 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Yes I'm a doormat but I haven't always been like this. I slowly turned into this after being alone for a year and experiencing rejection after rejection. Their rejection didn't turn you into a doormat, you turned yourself into a doormat by thinking you had to become that way to be liked. Remind yourself that success in your past came not from acting like a doormat or how much money you had, but by how you projected your unique personality, your confidence and dignity. Instead of worrying about finding a girlfriend, you need to focus on being comfortable with being alone. You need to not need a girlfriend. When you do this, things will naturally happen and girls will flock to you. Oh well, at this point in my life (mid twenties) I don't want to be alone anymore and if that means becomming a doormat I'll do it. If you're willing to let a girl walk all over you, she's not going to respect you nor stay attracted to you. Even in the rare case that submissiveness and money gets her, it certainly won't keep her. You have to be comfortable with yourself, by yourself, to succeed in dating and relationships.
Gold Pile Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Hey, I posted pretty much the same topic a couple of years ago. It was discussed at great length. My 1st LS post as I recall.... Dig it up and learn from it.
TheFonz Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 OK I think some of the advice was good but too much too fast for him and not detailed enough. I think we need to analyze why you are having such bad luck on you the internet first. You're 25 in your prime and doing OK financial. If you can't get a date off the 'net, it might be hopeless for you. I need details. What websites are you using, link me to your page,what messages are email the girls, etc.?
Author TechGuy145 Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Hey, I posted pretty much the same topic a couple of years ago. It was discussed at great length. My 1st LS post as I recall.... Dig it up and learn from it. Can you link it? I tried to look it up using the search but couldnt find it.
Saxis Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Th OP just said he can't approach women. For some guys they can't do it. There's the problem. Get rid of this attitude. It's not like you're being physically tied up every time you see an attractive woman. Grow a pair and say ANYTHING to her. Women are just people too.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Look, if you want to meet a normal woman, stop flashing cash upfront. Flashing cash will get you the users and if you don't think that matters, wait until you start to care about one and they rip your heart out. Stay away from gold diggers! As previously posters have suggested, joining different clubs in relations to your interests, might make it easy to meet someone who has similar interests, therefore, is easier to talk to.
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