atc2410 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) It's been a pretty average week actually. For whatever reason I've been missing her badly. It probably has something to do with being pursued by another girl. Unfortunately I'm just not ready to go down the relationship path. Yes, looking forward to having that conversation (not!) with this new girl who is absolutely lovely in every way. So it's been 5 months since the end, two months of attempted friends immediately post breakup which culminated in a two month NC period. For the past month or so there's been light contact from her checking in to see how I am or to give me news about her life. Today she calls saying she's been thinking about me and asking how everything's going. Nice conversation ending with her making tentative plans to see me after the weekend. I'm still in love with her but it's tempered with experience and 5 months worth of acceptance, growth, moving on, etc. If she wanted to come back to me I'd listen to what she has to say but I won't pursue anything. Females please FEEL FREE to explain under what circumstances girls would choose to stay in touch like this. I guess with me and my ex it was a good relationship right until the end. We didn't argue, I treated her like a princess for 2 years but she's young and suddenly had a new social circle, some life options that excited her and she decided to pursue them. I know she misses me. Girls why would you behave this way? Is she being selfish? Does she still have romantic feelings for me? Is she just bored? Does she really just want to be friends? I have a feeling with this one it's as innocent as her just wanting to stay in touch and be friends. But then occasionally she drops something that suggests there's feeling beyond friendship there, and I guess there always will be. Either way chances are such feelings are fleeting and come and go like any other mood. Fleeting pangs of reflection do not equate to a renewal of commited relationships. Rambling now. Would love to hear from some ladies regarding above however. Edited April 3, 2008 by atc2410
Lovable Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I think it's obvious she is contacting you to see you again. Telling you she's thinking of you? Making plans to spend time with you? Chances are if you feel it's more than friendship, it probably is. Maybe throw out some feelers, see if she responds?
Prosecco Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Maybe it's because she cares enough to want to know how you are / that you're alright. Just because you don't want to be in a relationship with someone - it doesn't mean you can't miss them, or worry about them etc. My ex does not want to be anything more than friends - he cares for me as more than a friend, but knows a relationship would be wrong. Thus - he wants to be in contact as friends, but now and then might slip and say something that if I didn't know better, might tempt me into hoping. It doesn't mean they want more. It often means they are just being honest. The question is whether you can deal with the contact and the honesty and accept it for what it is - and that it wont lead to anything - or whether it'll keep getting your hopes up and mean you're continually hurt.
Author atc2410 Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Two contrasting replies, thanks. Yes I'll be taking everything at face value. I won't be enquiring after anything that isn't apparent. As metioned I think she's just wanting to stay in touch because she likes me and I was good to her. Still curious to know from girls why they've stayed in touch in this fashion. Or why they would stay in touch.
Lovable Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Well, my reply was based on my reason for contact with my Ex. Everyone's opinion will be different. At the end of the day if you want to know. You have to ask.
Prosecco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 My reply was based on my knowledge of my ex. If someone is upfront and honest - then ask them. You've been seeing them for a while, you should know enough about their personality. If you suspect it's because they are interested in friendship - that's probably the answer. For example - I couldnt' date someone I couldn't be friends with. So at the end of a relationship, I'd always like to maintain some kind of friendship, as I'll always care. (Unless they've become someone I couldn't be friends with...) Other people - don't have the slightly masocistic scales I have - and just need to cut someone out of their life. For me - that's a double loss - of a friend and a lover - and if possible I'd rather retain the friend, bear the pain, and not be left with regret about the friendship. Of course that's not always possible - I'm still exploring that with my current ex. And it takes both people in the relationship to want that for it to work. So - basically - people's motivations are unique to their personalities - we can only go on our own experience- you can take our advice and experience and adapt it to your knowledge of a person.
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