Simple case of "he's just not that into you" or is baggage from an actual excse..?

[jess77]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]I warn you now this is a long one but PLEASE give it a read i'd love any advise guys esspecailly guys but girls as well that has happened to and have been there!?[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]Ok a bit of background info so you get the WHOLE picture…I met this guy totally out of fate, seriously not even kidding! We met on the beach in the pitches of black the most randomness night with so many occurrence that led us to the same place that you could have filmed the definitely maybe movie2 on. Ok maybe a little dramatic but u get the idea…so I was there vomiting as I drunk half a bottle of vodka in an hour with a mate who had just flew up from my home town. (not a regular occurrence may I add for the record) but had a motivation somewhere between celebrating and getting over my ex who we’d broken up maybe 3 weeks prior as he moved back to my old home town interstate. ANYWAY there I was rock bottom and this guy calls out asking if I was alright…I replied with no…and vomited…lol I think makes a place in my top 5 embarrassing moments list! He stayed with me on the beach til I felt better 3 hours later we just chatted and hugged it was seriously like a dream. We parted our ways I expected never to see this lad again..and he msged me the next day to see how I was going. Ok so established that he is a nice guy.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]So over the past month and a half we’ve been hanging out getting closer. We started off fairly honest that we both just got out serious relationships and weren’t ready for another one yet. You see I find out that his previous break-up was totally hectic he walked in on his girlfriend of 3 years naked with his best mate…yes heavy! He told me that after that he was seriously was not wanting a girl in this life for while but then I came about and made him happy again as time goes on you just spend more time together and start getting attached. We’d go places with his mates and they’d call me his Girlfriend and I’d be like no the one freaking out at the start, he even told he’s falling for me and that he loves having me around. So I start to feel safe and actually start considering this guy you know we had this instant connection why not. There were issues he lives like an hour from me, we both weren’t ready for a relationship and at the end of the year were both going away me overseas and him around Australia…but it just didn’t seem to matter cos we enjoyed each others company.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow] Everything was plotting along until one weekend he went to Jack Johnson concert. I was met to go with him but tickets got mixed up and his mates girlfriend when instead point of the story is there he saw his ex for the first time since the breakup. After that the next few days were a struggle he was distant and when I confronted him about it as I didn’t know bout this surprise meeting it took me like 2 hrs to finally get the information out of him. Understandable he was shakenin up I got that so I just tried to be supportive.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]I never real realised til now actually how much that actually changed things. After that we had chats he started to go very HOT and very cold within a matter of hours. He told me he was scared to get attached to me because he’d have something to lose again and he couldn’t handle it. That he was really confused cos I ment so much to him but he wasn’t ready to lose his freedom cos of all the above reasons. So it started…was my bday he came down to my work got me a huge bunch of flowers spent some time with me him being hot. Then one the next day we were ment to go out for a special planed dinner he arranged but he didn’t call or msg me til 8pm that night saying what are you doing tonight..? he went cold the next night said for him to come down to see him and he again msged later saying he was really sorry but he was tired. Last straw for me told him that maybe we should just stop hurting each other and just go our separate ways he seemed up set but just confused. [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]Had to pick something up from his house so went up there that night and he was there with mates about to go out and instead he stayed home just to be with me and say how sorry he is and how much he likes me and that he just is so confused and conflicted doesn’t know what he wants. I knew I should have just walked away but it kept going the following weekend was my bday party his actually birthday was the same day! (Coincidentally or what) so he said he had family stuff to do then he’ll make his way down there. Basically to sum it up he didn’t end up coming when he said he would…he did call me but the effort was low and a huge mix up of communication of where each other was but the way I see it if that if he really wanted to see me he would have made more of an effort. He did make it there eventually end up meeting that night and stayed together had a nice morning together and arranged to meet again on Sunday night. Which he msg me that day saying he was excited about Sunday and seeing me again! …but once again bailed on me. So I stoped talking to him after that all msgs and calls ignored he didn’t like that. I eventually got this huge msg saying how much he thought I was amazing and he’s sorry for hurting me I was the last person he wanted to hurt and that he clearly just wasn’t ready for a relationship he emotionally couldn’t handle it But he wish it didn’t have to end this way but I guess that what I wanted. Basically I called back and we had a pointless conversation about the facts we liked each other but we don’t know what to do.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]The last time I saw him was out of impulse as I decide to stop living in my head and in the moment. But when I got over his house for the first few hours he was really stand offish til mid way through the night were we started cuddling holding hands eventually leading to fulling around and went to have sex which we havn’t yet ( another point that if I was just giving sex to him I could see why he’d just stick around but all he was getting was my company!) and I said no as I thought It would just make things more complicated and as a typical guy he’s like phew whatever.. your confusing…it was weird I could tell something had changed in how he felt about me as if I wasn’t as special to him anymore which made me feel so crap! i havn’t spoken or heard from him in 2 days now since leaving I did talking to him in the morning after I left he seemed fine but like I sed the “lust” that was there was missing, which doesn’t seem that bigger deal but for us it is contact everyday. I know I should probally let it go but it just sucks that someone could like you so much one week and now not even care..like I said if he was an ******* I’l be yeh whatever…but he is a nice guy…is he just sheltering his feels as a defensive mechiisum should I just go for what and hang around and in time he will come around cos he does really like me.. or respect the fact that obviously hes’ not that into me now and it was all just one big emotional rollercoaster so confused…[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]Ok ok I know by this stage your like why have you stayed even I’m reading this say stupid girl! See before this my theory was if a guy really likes a girl then it doesn’t matter what happened in the past you just want to be around that person you kinda put it to the side! As the thought of losing this other person is treble! Trust me I’m a HUGE believer of girls making up excuses for guys that “just aren’t that into you” but what I’m struggling with is … is it that hes’ just not that into me? And hes’ keeping his options open for something better and I am/was the rebound girl he’s over it now.. or is that he does really like me and he’s scared and unsure of me not ready… I mean he has been honest obviously and told me that he not ready for a relationship but at the same time he’s said he wants me in his life and hes’ confused if that’s the case.. what do I do..? wait around..? not talk to him anymore…the weird thing about it all is that i do want to be with him despite all the drama and the obvious walk away option.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]So after all that! Guess the question is WHAT DO I DO? DO I just try to be his friend see what happens just leave it alone and go…or better yet just leave the ball in his court…even though he keeps trying to make me decide..I don’t understand how you can be so into someone and then one day be ok with the fact that person could leave. Sorry for such a LONG story if you’ve got this far THANKYOU so much I’d love your ideas..? advise..? is it possible for a nice guy to actually be scared to get into a relationship from a cheating experience…or is it a simple case of he’s just not that into me…? [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Arial Narrow]Thanks![/FONT][/sIZE]

Edited May 7, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed excessive BB code

[audrey_1]

Wow. That's difficult to read. Any chance you could print it without all the bold?

[BannaBee57]

It was hard to read, but I think I got the jist of it.

 

I don't think it really matters either way if he is into you but scared, or if you were a rebound. At this point there is really nothing you can do to change his mind.

 

I'd say back off for a while, let him contact you if he wants and let him make up his mind. It's true, if he really liked you and wanted to spend time with you he would. No way around it.

 

In the mean time don't put your life on hold. Trust me, I'm kinda going through the same crap and you'll only drive yourself nuts thinking there is something you can do to tip the scale.